Video

[theweakhavepurpose]

[The video turns on to show the outskirts of town, nearby is a fence of sorts made of junk Pratt collected from the Colosseum and some baling wire. It's encircling a fancy new shooting range complete with training dummies and targets and some other items that aren't immediately identifiable.

Okay fancy isn't the right word, everything is made of remnants he found and some of the targets are empty soup cans on sticks but it looks serviceable.]

This is Deputy Pratt. I know we're all busy freezing to death, but if you'd like to take your mind off that, I've finally got this all together. Range is up and running!

It's set up by the orchard, or well.. where the orchard should be anyway.

[He pans the camera towards the orchard to show where it is and then starts walking towards the range. The camera is surprisingly steady, this is someone who has filmed hundreds of Vine videos of him and other deputies doing stupid stuff on slow days. He's a pro at this shit.]

I've got training dummies up front for anyone who wants to get their melee fighting on. But uh.. try not to completely destroy them because I don't have a ton of wood to fix them up.

For the range itself I've got targets at 10 meters, 25 meters, 50 and 100. It's not perfect because I'm measuring this with my feet, but it's close enough. Spinner targets are for guns, and the bigger baled ones are dirt and wood so they shouldn't chew up your arrows too bad.

This thing is a work in progress.

[He sets a can onto a contraption off to the side of the range, stomping his foot on a pedal and sending it shooting down the lane and a little to the left. The camera gets unsteady here as he launches a knife that's far too big for this at the can and it tumbles to the ground.]

Keeps shooting them off to the side, but it's better than throwing something and then trying to hit it.

As for weapons... [He walks over to a large but very battered chest and opens the lid.]

I've got some throwing knives that aren't stupid like the hunting knife I have. A few bows. And some arrows in here. Keep them in this crate because the weather is not kind to bowstrings and you don't want these things snapping when you're shooting.

It's on the honor system because I'm not going to freeze my ass off monitoring this twenty-four seven. So try not to burn it down in the next two days.

[Please guys. He worked hard on this. Don't set it on fire.]

Comments

[itsnotaonesie]

[He can bench press a moose, but he's still a kid. Soooo, he's probably about 50/50 on the "fine" scale.]

I lie awake all night questioning all of my life choices and wishing I had either a big carton of ice cream or a cheeseburger. Six cheeseburgers.

[He has a lot of experience in this department.]

[theweakhavepurpose]

Do you know what I would do for Starbucks right now? It's horrible.

[He would have been a far better cultist if they'd kept him in caffeine, sugar, and junk food.]

Ice cream would be great too.

[Or doughnuts. He stereotypically loves doughnuts. This place is terrible for him.]

[itsnotaonesie]

[Forget crazy, mind altering drugs. The real way to run a cult is to win everyone over with sugar.]

I don't even like coffee and I wish we had a Starbucks. Overpriced pastries don't sound all that bad right now.

[theweakhavepurpose]

[Would have worked on Pratt at least.]

I live in a place that can't even pronounce croissant, so I'd be ecstatic to see one of those weird gooey things with the creme in the middle.

[He means a danish.]

[itsnotaonesie]

How do they say croissant? Just like, "cray-sant"? "Quackson"? I've heard that one before. I dunno, it's French. And I think you're thinking of... either an eclair or a danish? I don't know the difference, but now I just want donuts.

[we all just want donuts.]

[theweakhavepurpose]

Crescent.

I really do too. There used to be a bakery, but I'm sure it's not open now that there's no ingredients in the stores. I don't even know what they used to sell.

[He is a cop who loves doughnuts. Please help.]

[itsnotaonesie]

Kinda hard to sell baked goods when there's nothing to bake. Unless the dude's just gettin' real creative with canned peas.

[god I wish I could help with that so bad]

[theweakhavepurpose]

That might be the most disgusting thing I've heard since Xander started putting Chia seeds in everything.

[itsnotaonesie]

I don't now who that is, but I definitely don't want to eat anything they cook up. Just sayin'.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Guy from Los Angeles who's bringing his New Age bullshit all around Montana. Yoga and health shakes, that sort of thing.

I was going to say I'd almost drink one of those now, but I wouldn't. I really wouldn't.

[itsnotaonesie]

I mean, I can get behind Yoga, I think? But I have to draw the line at health food and weird, green shakes and stuff.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Never been to LA but if it's full of people like him it sounds like hell.

What's the point of Yoga? Just to be stretchier?

[itsnotaonesie]

We had plenty of those in New York too, man. Maybe it's just a city thing. I've never tired Yoga, but my Aunt did it sometimes? Said it helped her relax, I dunno.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Must be. We only have one crazy yoga guy in all of Hope County. Probably all of Montana. If you wanna relax you can go outside and watch the sunset through the mountains.

[Before John put a giant fucking YES sign up on the hill anyway.]

[itsnotaonesie]

That sounds pretty nice. The uh, mountains and stuff, not so much the crazy yoga guy.

[Way to ruin a perfectly good mountain JOHN]

[theweakhavepurpose]

It is. I miss it.

I went from a forest to a place with six trees.

[itsnotaonesie]

Maybe if we end up going to that jungle planet or whatever later, it'll be more mountainy. Gotta be more to look at than this place, at least.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Warmer too. Admittedly there'll probably be a lot more bugs and higher humidity.

[itsnotaonesie]

Humidity, I think I can deal with? Don't really want to have to deal with the bugs, they'll probably spread all kinds of awful alien diseases and stuff.

[theweakhavepurpose]

I don't know that we're prepared to deal with space malaria.

And I definitely don't want to eat them. I draw the line at bugs.

[itsnotaonesie]

Gross, dude. I mean, I'd probably eat bugs if I was literally starving to death.Still really hope it never comes to that.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Seeing the negative in anything is my super power. Sorry.