hadriel | [Video]

Entry tags:

[Video]

[He is like a caged beast, moving restlessly indoors while the wind howls at his doors and windows. Anakin has never done well alone, but he's afraid to live with anyone.]

How can anyone stand this planet? [Gripping his mechno-hand into a tight fist, he breathes deeply, trying to calm the anger he feels almost constantly.] What needs to be done? I'm strong; I'm powerful - I can help.

[Anything is better than being stuck with his memories.]

I'm Anakin Skywalker, by the way, and I think I've been here before.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I met him in the colosseum. [And then took a leisurely - sort of - walk in order for Anakin to cool his head.]

He said he was fifty years in my future? I thought he might be close to your age.

He's five years older than I am, and we've been acquainted for as many years. [ A pause ] We're part of the same organization.

[ Sort of. It's complicated. ]

What did he say to you?

What organization is that? [He has a bad feeling... Uh oh, is he turning into Obi-Wan?]

He seemed...concerned. Scared, but concerned. We must have been friendly before.

[ Kylo can't imagine Hux being friendly with anyone, let alone his grandfather. ]

The name of it is the First Order, very similar to the Galactic Empire in structure and belief. [ He knows that doesn't sound good to most people in their galaxy, but he can explain. Maybe. ]

Its founders are former Imperials. I'm... directly under the Supreme Leader.

[ Stars, it's hard to be completely honest. He wants so badly to impress his grandfather, to be thought he was worth something, to see promise in him and in his abilities more than what his mother and father, more than his uncle saw. ]

[Anakin has that effect on a lot of random people. When he's kind, he's like a ray of sunshine. When he's enraged, he's like the worst storm.]

The Galactic Empire is...? [He hasn't experienced that lovely bit of history yet.]

What is the name of the Supreme Leader? [His tone is tight, harsh. He needs some good news, so he is hoping he doesn't hear Palpatine or Sidious.]

It's... [ Really hard to explain ] The organization that took control of the galaxy and replaced the Republic. It was ruled by Darth Sidious who eventually named himself Emperor. I was never taught much about the Empire as a child, my family kept most of this information from me.

[ You were a very big part of it, but that'll be for another discussion unless otherwise pressed. This is a difficult conversation for Kylo, one he never in his life thought he would ever have. ]

The First Order's Supreme Leader is Snoke... He's Force sensitive, but he's not a Sith. The Sith died a year before I was born.

[His breathing is shallow and his hands tighten into fists. Just the sound of Sidious's name leaves him covered in a cold sweat and he ducks his head, trying to conquer his nausea.]

What happened to Sidious? Why is...Snoke...the Supreme Leader? [That isn't even a name that sounds remotely familiar.] What was the last Sith's name?

[ At this point, Kylo doesn't see a need to sugarcoat the truth. Anakin can (hopefully) handle it. He's going to have to because Kylo is certain he can't get out of this one. There's no way to change the subject or just not answer and he knows it.

He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment to center himself, gather his thoughts. ]

You killed Sidious. [ He pauses, takes another deep breath ] The last Sith's name was Darth Vader, the name he gave you after you became his apprentice. He saved you from Mustafar after you were left there to die and found a way for you to live. I don't know every detail... Like I said, my family kept your identity from me.

[ He remembers when he found out about who his mother's father truly was, how the information had been kept from him, how he felt so betrayed and lied to. He doesn't want Anakin to feel like that... He hates being the one to tell him all of this, but he doesn't want to lie to Anakin like his mother and uncle did to him. ]

The Supreme Leader was there for me when my family wasn't. He is strong in the Force, he knew about me long before I knew about him. He fostered and built the First Order with his funds, with the Imperials who were left after the fall of the Empire. And when I was old enough, he took me in, called out to me and saw my potential, something that was being stifled and wasted by my uncle. I'm no Sith, but I'm also no Jedi.

[Finally, some good news! He knows he is stronger than Sidious. The only reason he hasn't cut him down already is because he claims to know how to save Padmé. But Anakin is determined to not be used by that monster forever.]

...so I'm the last. [Maybe that's good. He had an apprentice as a Jedi, but that hadn't ended well, had it? It's best if he doesn't drag someone else into this hellhole.] Were they ashamed or scared?

[Both hurt in their own way and he has a feeling both are true. Yet his family survives - with or without him.]

Are you a...mix? [It seems impossible from what he knows of the Force, but Kylo feels different. More nebulous.] I sense you haven't chosen a side. However you are...a dark grey. Your actions haven't been those of someone who seeks peace.

My mother was a Senator, and the galaxy knowing she was Darth Vader's daughter would have ruined her political career. It eventually did. [ He sighs ] I've struggled with the dark side since I was a child, I think they kept it from me for that reason, too.

[ It's so comforting being able to talk about this to somebody who truly understands. There's nobody in their own galaxy that understands, nobody to even give him the time of day to talk about how much he struggles daily with the pull to the light and back to the dark. ]

I think my mother always sensed the dark side in me, even as an infant, so when I was old enough I was sent to my uncle. He was training me to be a Jedi... They thought he could help me, but I left his school when they all betrayed me. [ He leaves out the detail about killing a school full of students, most mere kids like he was at the time. ] That's when I went to Snoke and he taught me how to reach my full potential.

[ Kylo closes his eyes for a moment. Saying all of this? Actually telling somebody all of these things that nobody knows about him? It's a lot more taxing than he imagined it would be. This is stuff he never talks about. Ever. ]

I was never meant to be a Jedi... But I still struggle with the pull to the light.

[A muscle tenses in his cheek and his eyes darken with a complex rush of emotion. No matter how he tries to devote himself to the Dark Side - for the sake of saving Padmé - he is always dragged back to the Light and made to feel guilty.]

She is like her mother. [Ouch. Anakin swallows roughly and he wonders if he should apologize?] Why did they betray you? Because of your...inclination?

[Kylo is too much like him and so he isn't worthy of being taught? Had Luke done something...permanent? Or tried to?]

But you haven't. If you're still struggling, you haven't reached your potential.

Yes, that's part of it.

[ He remembers it well, was never and will never be able to forgive his uncle for what he did, his parents for how they treated him and threw him away like he was some problem. His father didn't know what to do with him, his mother's solution was to send him to Luke. He was looked down upon, felt like an outcast, they always had other things to do, more important things than tend to their child.

And then there was Luke. Luke, who tried to train him as a Jedi, who turned against him. ]

My uncle raised his lightsaber against me as I slept, I guess to end my life before my future could come to pass. I... reacted poorly, as anybody would, and destroyed his temple. I burned it down along with the rest of the students in it. I've never felt so betrayed before that moment.

[ He sighs, looking away from the screen ]

And I do still struggle. I always feel the pull to the light. I don't know that I'll ever reach my potential, if that's the case.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Video]

[video] - private

[video] - private

[video] - private

[video] - private

[video] - private

[video] - private

[video] - private

[video] - private

[video] - private

[video] - private

[video] - private

[video] - private