Flower PSA

[glazedonutholes]

[ The recording opens with Donut standing in front of his bed that's currently covered in an ocean of flower petals. Beside him stands a decorated bike that holds a few bouquets. ]

Hey guys! Private Donut here from the popular Bluehaus with another friendly PSA. 

As you all know, it's February and that means love is in the air! For those of you unfamiliar with Earth lingo, this is the month we celebrate a little thing called Valentine's Day! It's a day when a guy in a diaper named Cupid hits you with an arrow and BAM! Instant love at first sight! Isn't it great?! 

[ He vibrates with giddy delight. ]

Well! I've been hard at work collecting all sorts of seeds in anticipation and now it's time for all of them to bloom! As your friendly neighborhood Flower God, I'll be making fresh bouquets for anyone who wants them! And this month only [ he throws his hands out to show off the bike - TADA! ] - 
I'll be making home deliveries!

You just tell me what you'd like and [he starts reciting the postal service motto ] neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays this Flower God from swift delivery! I got all sorts of bouquets for all tastes! There's your friendship ones, your first date ones, pure love, wild love, going steady, and all sorts of other ones for every occasion! 

So... [ Here he rocks back on his heels, his hands behind his back. ] I was thinking, if any of you have a little time to spare next month, maybe you can help me set-up a real flower shop and help me move-in upstairs? You know what they say, it takes a village. 

[ He keeps rocking back and forth on his heels, buzzing with so many vibrant emotions they spill over and behind him the larkspur flowers start to bloom. Reds and blues. Purples. Whites. A whole rainbow of colors come to life. ]

Either way, I love Valentine's Day, so I'd do this for free! [ He smiles before remembering - ] I'll be accepting orders all month! 

[ He waves at the recording. ] 

Happy Hearts! 

Comments

2/2

[hardwearing]

[ Okay he needs to regain some composure the rest of his party is staring as he nearly screeches at the phone, whoops. ]

It's been over a year, actually, it took me awhile to get my shit together but... yeah, I have a girlfriend.

[ Many people have said she has shitty taste, but he's just grateful for it at this point. Lucky, maybe, to have found her, but he does try really hard so. ]

You want me to put her on?

[glazedonutholes]

Because you are.

[ He says with a half grin. He'd be happy to knock you out of that delusion you're under, but he's way too happy for you right now to do it. So, he's just gonna keep on smiling like a loon while the water works slowly dry up. ]

Really? I can meet her?

[ He sounds so hopeful. ]

[hardwearing]

Hey, clearly I'm not--

[ But as he's protesting, the phone's getting snatched from his hand. For the best, really. ]

[evocation]

[So much for space marine reflexes! Kyna's peering down at the phone, completely bundled up, which means her elf ears aren't showing. Tragic.]

Hey! I'm Kyna. And you're right, I totally did all the work.

[glazedonutholes]

[ And the phone gets passed around and Donut gets his first glimpse of -- ]

I knew it! [ He laughs. ] Wash totally isn't the type to talk to girls at all! He's way too Mr. Soldier-Mode all the time. Always crossing his t's and dotting his i's. You really should teach him how to relax and have a good time.

But look at me, rambling on about things you already know! [ He grins. ] It's super nice to finally meet you! I'm Donut! I'm on Red Team! You might have heard of me from Wash's stories, I'm sure. You know, the ones about how we took down a criminal mastermind and saved a whole planet. The guys and I couldn't have done it without him!

[ A studious nod before he takes his time to really look at her. ]

Oh, you're way different than what I pictured. [ He leans closer to the recording as if that will help him see her better. ] You're not from Hawaii are you? Oh! Don't tell me! Let me guess. Turkey--No! Spain, right?! I totally see a hot latin vibe in you. But not the lose your temper type like Lopez but more sexy secret agent with a foreign accent type! Oh! Talking about accents Lopez is our Robot buddy, I'll introduce you both if he ever shows up. He's totally funny.

This one time we were on patrol waiting for Blue Team to attack while Lopez worked on the Puma - he's good with his hands like that. [ A wink. ] Anyways, I was totally bored and I was like - Aren't you hot under there? And he was like - [ Spanish accent] No. Then, I was like, do you need any help. And he was like - [ Spanish accent] No. Then, I went down on him and joined him under the car and started asking him questions and he started to get all wound up - Hey, kind of like Wash. Well, I kept asking him questions about what he was doing, I'm very persistent that way, and he kept telling me - [ Spanish accent] No. Anyways, long story short he finally lost it when one of the nuts came loose accidentally, all on its own with no help from anyone, and dropped a whole lot of oil all over us. Man! You should us seen us all slicked up with lube. Good times~ [ He sighs. ] Well, he went into this epic tirade after that. He was all like - Porque nunca me dejas en paz?! No quiere tu maldita ayuda! Tu siempre destruyes todo hombre rosita!

Man, it was epic. And totally hot, I'd bet anything Lopez thermometer wasn't working. I mean, we all know he has a fiery latin temper, but he just went on and on and on. And the entire time I was just like, how am I going to get all this lube off of us? You know how hard it is to get lube off yourself?! Well, I'll tell you, it isn't easy. Moral of the story just let them wear themselves out, then take a little TLC to get you both cleaned up after a particularly hot work out. Also, FYI [ here he lowers his voice conspiratorially ] dish-soap cleans it right up.

[ He winks good-naturedly. ]

[ooc; translation: Why don't you ever leave me in peace?! I don't want your damn help! You always destroy everything Pink man! ]

[evocation]

[Kyna opens her mouth to say something and then just... Totally fails. Wow. Wash trying not to snicker in the background is what snaps her out of it, and she reaches over to swat at him, which does nothing considering he's got armor on.]

Uh... My mom's Mexican?

[Help.]

Wait, are you telling me you gave a robot a blowjob?

[hardwearing]

[ That's it, that's the moment that Wash loses it and starts laughing, because he tried to warn you Kyna, really he did. His friends are ridiculous. Wonderful, but ridiculous. And of course he'd pick a Lopez story to tell her -- he objects to having much in common with the robot except that they both have to suffer through the antics of the Reds and Blues, but it's pretty funny what details Kyna latches on to from all that. ]

I guarantee you he didn't, that's just Donut-speak. Things sound filthy but they're not. You get used to it.

[glazedonutholes]

[ Mexican! Just like Lopez! ]

Oh! Hablas español?

[ He's got no idea why Wash is laughing, probably something to do with keeping his rifle clean or some other military humor thing. So, he just shrugs it off just as the second question registers. ]

Well.. I guess, I did blow him away that one time. He wouldn't get over it for a whole week! Probably something to do with him finding lube in the most unexpected places. So, one day, after we came back from patrol, we took a whole night to take care it. I got him nice and clean, spent extra time on the codpiece too. By morning I was exhausted, slept like a baby after a job well done.

[ ooc; translation = Do you speak spanish? ]

[evocation]

A little. I speak more Elvish.

[BUT WAIT. She wrinkles her nose.]

I feel like I should be offended. Should I be offended? Why am I not what you pictured? And I'm not fiery.

[hardwearing]

[ Kyna you are a little fiery. But Wash never attributed that to her genetic makeup, so maybe it's worth being offended? He'd rather she wasn't, in any case... but pokes back into the camera's view because one of those questions is something he's curious about, too. ]

Yeah, what were you picturing, Donut?

[glazedonutholes]

Elvish? Like the Lord of the Rings?

[ That's the only Elivish thing he knows courtesy of Simmons. ]

Well, since you said your girlfriend was like Kaikainai [ Donut, that's not what he said at all! ] I pictured someone from the island. You know. Tan-skin, yellow armor, Grif's sister.

[evocation]

[Kyna squints at... All of that.]

Elvish like this.

[She tugs up one side of her beanie to show him a pointed ear.]

Who's Kaikainai? Why am I like her?

[hardwearing]

[ Oh geez, Kyna isn't like Kai at all, Wash shakes his head to nip that in the bud now. ]

Uh, Donut, I didn't say that. You just misheard her name.

1/2

[glazedonutholes]

[ His eyes widen at the revelation of those Elf ears. ]

So, you are like the Lord of the Rings!!! Oh, Man! Simmons is going to be super happy to meet you! Can I take a picture?! When we get BaseBook back and running I'm totally going to upload it and ping him! It'll be awesome!

[ He giggles at the thought of Simmons face, he'll be totally floored! Talking about floor - ]

2/2

[glazedonutholes]

Oh, that's just Grif's sister. She was with us back in Blood Gulch for a time.

I guess you're right, I did mishear her name. Or maybe I just miss them so terribly much that I latch onto any little similarity I come across. That's probably why I go on long accounts about the guys and why I cry myself to sleep at night and feel this aching hole in my heart when I'm alone with no one to talk too. Hmm. [ A curious look crosses his face and he turns to look at an empty tea cup with his special larkspur brew. ] Maybe I should stop drinking this stuff. I'm starting to sound like my Mother.

[evocation]

[This is a Lot.]

No, you can't have a picture. I'm not like... a zoo animal or something.

[hardwearing]

Kyna he didn't mean it like that...

[ But is getting kind of melancholy, uhm. ]

....you okay, Donut? Maybe you should go downstairs and find somebody to keep you company.

[glazedonutholes]

Looking at me sounding like my mother.

[ He waves it off. ]

Don't worry Wash. I've got a girlfriend coming over soon, so I'll have company tonight.

You two enjoy yourselves~

[hardwearing]

Uh... okay. We'll try.

[ He's not going to explain that this expedition is definitely not for fun, he doesn't want the sim trooper to worry. ]

You have fun with your friend, Donut. I'll see you when we get back, maybe I'll bring you a souvenir.

[glazedonutholes]

A Red Hot One!!!!

[ He tells him quickly before hanging up. ]