[Video | Open]

[federalbureauofimmortals]

[Victor's face appears on the screen. At least he's figured out how to not be too close to the little camera on his phone.]

Hey! You! Yeah, I mean all of you.

I'm still processing all that shit that happened when I arrived and when the fog rolled in. This place is a god damn mess, right? We're batteries for some assholes and they can't even keep things under control. Never mind, that'll just keep pissing me off if I talk about it.

[He even takes a breath before going right back into another ramble.]

Why I'm really calling is to play with this phone. I mean look at it, it's pretty amazing. I wonder who all played a part in it. I'd love to say I'd come up with something like this but it's a bit ahead of me right now. If anyone can help explain some of the stuff I don't get about it, let me know.

Oh, yeah, and also. I'm calling out to whoever is in the Guard. That means if you can see this get back to me. Now that we have a moment to breathe I'd like to know if you're the real thing or just another problem I'm going to have to worry about. I hope you are the real thing, I have enough people to keep an eye on already and it hasn't even been a month.

Comments

[skelebro]

[Costumes?

...well, everyone copes with seeing a real live skeleton in a different way, he supposes.]

That's the impression I got.

[federalbureauofimmortals]

[Victor copes by assuming someone is just as weird as the weird people he deals with. Not a new sort of weird.]

Well, if that ever changes for you, give me a call. I can't stop a whole group but I sure as hell annoy them.

[skelebro]

I appreciate the offer. Doubt it'll come up, though.

[federalbureauofimmortals]

I hope it doesn't. It's not really fun having to go up against something established like that. Never ends well.

[skelebro]

Sounds like you're speaking from experience.

[federalbureauofimmortals]

I got lots of problem with authority that isn't looking out for the little guy. Even worse when they pretend to. I'm not the kind of guy that can just keep his mouth shut about things.

[skelebro]

Well, I dunno about you, but I'm pretty little.

[He's four feet of bones and bad jokes. Don't get much smaller than that.]

[federalbureauofimmortals]

Funny.

[No, it's not.]

But you know? I am glad to talk to someone who isn't a real monster. The kind that can't even step in door ways.

[By real monster, he means humans still. Well, for the most part.]

[skelebro]

Hate to break it to ya, but I kinda am. I mean, technically speaking.

[He shrugs.]

As far as doorways go, I don't have a problem with 'em.

[federalbureauofimmortals]

[Victor still misses the point.]

Yeah, a lot of costumed guys are real monsters too. Those assholes who are just out to ruin other peoples lives. Did you just give up on that sort of thing or are you just laying low?

[skelebro]

[Yeeaaahhh about that.]

Not exactly a costume, buddy.

[He winks indicatively.]

I'm real as they come.

[federalbureauofimmortals]

[There's some pause. Then he puts his face far too close to the screen as if he's trying to see details he didn't notice. Which puts the upper part of his eye and eyebrow right up to the camera.

He then slowly pulls the phone back and frowns at it.]

Okay, what the hell is that about? Is that cosmetic or are you actually a fucking skeleton?

[skelebro]

Just a regular skeleton, as far as I know.

[That'd be some pretty impressive cosmetics, though. Sans's grin widens.]

[federalbureauofimmortals]

[He's dealt with some freaky looking homunculi before, but yes, Sans definitely is more real than all their freakish pieces.]

How the hell do you talk then?

[He'd have a harder time dealing with Sans if not for the whole fog and monsters thing that happened. That and the giant spiders when he arrived.

Also, demons and immortals exist. It's becoming easier to believe things.]

[skelebro]

Through my teeth, mostly.

[Wow. He's kind of getting that question asked a lot. "How do you work," etc.]

It's magic. I wouldn't worry about it.

[federalbureauofimmortals]

That worries more me actually. But I guess that's not the most impossible thing to happen since I got here.

[Also, Victor, your body resets itself perfectly no matter what happens to it.]

So when you say monster, do you just mean skeleton or do you go around hurting innocent people or mass murdering?

[skelebro]

I mean "monster" as in species. I got nothing against humans.

[Other than, you know, the usual. But resentment takes too much energy to harbor, so most of the time he just...doesn't.]

[federalbureauofimmortals]

I thought skeletons were just bones of a species they came from. Whatever, I really don't need to know monster cultural politics. So long as you're not some shitty monster that goes around killing for no reason I am not going to push it. Back home when I say we have real monsters, I mean guys that go into buildings and paint the walls with blood, create people in an experiment, or ruin lives for the fun of it.

[skelebro]

[Well, it's nice that he's taking his word for it.]

You can see where that might be a little misleading, yeah?

[federalbureauofimmortals]

Now I can. I mean back home most monster myths came from just people doing horrible and shitty things. I'm not used to meeting a variety of actual monsters.

[Just a demon and a bunch of immortals, with a few artificially created people.]

You got a lot like you back home?

[skelebro]

Plenty. We all live Underground.

[Lived, technically. One way or another. But tenses are irritating, so he doesn't bother with them.]

Lots of variety to the monster population. Guess you humans are the same way.

[And testing the waters, sort of. What kind of human are you?]

[federalbureauofimmortals]

Yeah, you can say we're a pretty diverse group.

[Not that he's necessarily human anymore but he isn't going to get into that at the moment.]

And humans are pretty resilient. We spread to just about anywhere and call it home.

[skelebro]

Oh, you don't have to tell me. Humans have got that little something to 'em, right?

[Determination.

For better or for worse, one human's all it takes to cut down an entire Underground full of monsters.]

They're real determined.

[federalbureauofimmortals]

They survive, it's what they do.

[And he'll be damned if some freak of nature is going to try and thwart that ability to survive.]

[skelebro]

Yeah. For better or worse.

[He sounds fairly nonplussed about it, for what it's worth.]

Anyway. Guard doesn't discriminate. They should be fine.