Je me fous du passé

[wormintheglass]

[The feed opens with Bianca. She stands in Delight's bar, the lighting rearranged to get as close as she can to the appearance of being on stage, and she glares into the camera and takes a large swig of the glass in her hand before she makes any sound.

Then she sings. Inside the bar, her voice is strong enough to rattle glasses.

People listening to the feed on the network may hear the familiar Lancastrian accent of Kate, grumbling almost inaudible complaints. Most of them seem to be along the lines of why did I agree to this and why did I give up booze.

The song ends and Bianca casts a grateful look at Kate before launching into speech.]

I have lived a long time, my friends. I am sorry for many things. I've been unforgivably careless of people's hearts and hopes. I've allied myself with the most treacherous of worms - I have trusted too much, cared too much, and -

[She stops.]

Or not cared enough. I have broken people for my own gain. I have sold myself to a power I knew to be malevolent, to buy my own life. I have tormented those I believed I loved, and abandoned those I know I did. Kate -

[She gazes, stricken, past the camera.]

I pulled you into this scheme. You almost died. Sharon and Maketh did die. I'm sorry, so sorry, for that.

[And then she lifts her chin, defiant.]

But I'm not sorry we made the attempt. I'm not sorry for taking a risk on the chance of buying all our freedom. Are you watching, Hope? Did you feel it, just when it started? The only real hope I've felt since coming here? I hoped so hard to end you.

I'm only sorry we failed.

[There's a brief resigned sigh from behind the camera as the feed goes out.]

Comments

permavoice.

[torrefied]

Then you're an even bigger idiot than I thought.

[video]

[wormintheglass]

And you're a bigger coward than I imagined.

[torrefied]

[Entirely sarcastic:] Oh no. Help, she's hurting my feelings.

[wormintheglass]

[Bianca rolls her eyes.]

Your feelings are of no interest to me. I'm merely expressing mine.

[torrefied]

I don't really give even half a shit about what you think, but for the sake of argument, say I'm bored enough to listen to your inane chatter and tell me how you arrived at that dazzling conclusion.

[Show your work.]

[wormintheglass]

It's hardly my job to relieve your boredom. Go out and commit another pointless murder instead, why don't you?

1/2

[torrefied]

Now who's a coward? If you're going to insist on making statements that defame my character, you'd better have evidence to show for it.

[torrefied]

And it wasn't. Pointless.

[wormintheglass]

Since we're apparently conducting this argument by nursery rules, I'll just point out that you "defamed" my "character" first.

[With actual air quotes.]

[torrefied]

No, what I did was express an opinion - one for which I am more than willing to offer supporting evidence as backup, by the way, rather than play an extended game of verbal gymnastics.

[You can't bullshit a bullshitter.]

[wormintheglass]

But I'm not interested in your opinion or your evidence. I'm in a bar, not a court of law.

Are you sure? I feel you need the practise.

[torrefied]

Then you're basically admitting that you're entirely unreasonable? Noted. And as such, I'm not particularly interested in continuing this sham of what passes for a discussion. Waging a battle of wits with an unarmed person is incredibly unsatisfying.

permavoice.

[unitas]

Shut the fuck up, Mello. [ no real anger to her tone, just irritation. ]

[torrefied]

[Mello's tone is tense, defensive.]

I'd say "make me," but I'm not five years old anymore.

[unitas]

I bet you're just afraid I would. [ the temptation to hunt him down is there, her heart quicker to clamor for vengeance than offer forgiveness, but she honestly does not have it in her. ]

[torrefied]

I'm not afraid of you, or of anything you think you can do to me.

[He expects retribution - if not from her, from someone else here. He's accepted this as part of the risks associated with his analysis and the ultimate decision he made to kill her. He's prepared for it. This is an acceptable cost, in his mind.]

If you're planning to come after me, get on with it. I hate waiting.

[unitas]

You should be, though. [ it's not confident, not meant to scare, just cooly factual. she's got more power beneath her fingers than just summoning another world. and she knows what sort of cruelty she's capable of. ] But, don't worry, I'm not going to come after you. It would be a waste of my time.

[torrefied]

You shouldn't make idle threats, Sharon.

[There is an advantage in showing people what you're capable of - but not talking about it, especially if there's no intention to act on it.]

You're not the most frightening thing I've seen. Not by a long shot.

[Said seriously, without bluster - which is both a sad statement on the sorts of things he has seen, and a note of understanding that he believes he's gleaned from her, that she acted in the way she did because she was angry and tired of being fucked around with by the gods here - and who knows what else, before that. And he understands that, fundamentally, better than she probably imagines.]

[unitas]

[ I'm not trying to be, she wants to tell him, but instead she holds her tongue and self-pity. ]

And what would that be? [ What monsters have you seen? ]

switches to private.

[torrefied]

[He shouldn't be considering this, but he is. It's risky to talk about himself, the things he's seen and done. A large portion of what he's been able to accomplish has depended on people underestimating him and his abilities. Wise men do not wear name tags, he wrote once, in that document he left for Near to find after his death.

But despite all logic, despite all the paranoia and secrecy he's lived with for so much of his life, he finds that he wants to tell her. Maybe it's an effect of the newly resurrected god's presence; maybe it's because he senses something about her that is fundamentally like him.

Maybe, in spite of the fact that he gave her every opportunity to stop, in spite of the fact that he made a logical assessment of the risks and determined the path that made the most sense and was necessary, he feels a small internal tug of guilt over killing her. Because he should have been better. And he wouldn't ordinarily feel like he owes her an explanation - he doesn't, on principle, owe anyone anything - but this isn't an ordinary situation.

Maybe this is his way of extending an olive branch. Near is right; he's supposed to be better with people.]

Why do you want to know? I'll tell you, if that's what you really want - I just want to know why first.

[unitas]

I don't know, maybe it's... [ The words catch in her throat like jagged pieces of glass, realization striking her. She feels guilt, not just over what she's done, but what she drove another person to do. He hadn't wanted to kill her, she knew that back then, but she wanted him to. ] ...maybe it's because I wouldn't mind hearing about something worse than myself.

[ She is a monster. The cult had always been right. ]

[torrefied]

[ ... Oh. Her answer hits him harder than he expects, harder than he's prepared for, and it takes him a moment to swallow down the complicated tangle of feelings that rise up in his throat.]

All right.

[He inhales a quiet breath, deciding where to start.]

The world where I'm from exists under the thumb of a tyrant known as Kira, and has for a number of years. You might think it's a cute-sounding nickname, but Kira is anything but - he's easily one of the worst mass murderers in history. I'm not afraid of Kira - I mention him only for context, as a foundation for the rest of what I'm going to tell you.

[He had been afraid, once - that night in November, facing Soichiro Yagami with the Death Note in his hands and his true name, Mihael Keehl, hanging in the air between them. But that fear is gone now, dissolved in the plan he'd crafted that relied on that exact fact, that his true name was known. Kira would use his name and his face, half-ruined in the explosive escape from the warehouse that night, and kill him with the Death Note. And this would show Near an important fact he'd overlooked.]

I left the orphanage that raised me for most of my life when I was fifteen.

[There's more to that statement that he isn't saying, but it's easy enough to pull from the spaces left in what he does say: that he is an orphan, without family of his own; that he has been so for a long time.]

When I left, it was because I'd decided that I would put a stop to Kira's reign of terror, on my own, by any means necessary, and the way I'd do this was by working outside of the law. Those who worked inside of the law had already tried, and failed.

[More of what he doesn't say: he is a criminal; he has been so for a while; he chose this path intentionally.]

I mentioned Kira is a mass murderer. His targets are criminals, and anyone who opposes him is, of course, a criminal.

[This was a risky path to take, and Mello was aware of the risks from the start. He is a risk-taker, and he is willing to take extreme measures, if it's necessary.]

When I was seventeen, I joined up with what was left of the American Mafia, and I proved that I was a valuable ally by bringing them the head of a rival gang boss, someone not even Kira had been able to target and eliminate.

[He is a murderer, and Sharon wasn't the first person he'd killed. He is ruthless, determined, resourceful, and effective.]

You can probably tie me to any kind of crime the Mafia is known for, because I acted as an adviser for a year and a half. Directly, I've been responsible for kidnapping and extortion, and I even got the President of the United States to submit to my demands.

[He recites this list of crimes entirely factually, without any trace of boasting, and continues to do so into his conclusion:.]

I am the thing that people are afraid of, Sharon. That's why you don't scare me.

threadjacks

[dedikated]

Will you just shut up?

YES GOOD

[torrefied]

You've got a lot of fucking nerve, Kate.

[So that's a no.]

[dedikated]

[ her nerves are fucking shot but whatever. ]

And no patience for this bullshit. All of you should shut the fuck up. [ is any of this discussion, in light of your crime, smart, mello? is it really. ]