hadriel | Je me fous du passé

[The feed opens with Bianca. She stands in Delight's bar, the lighting rearranged to get as close as she can to the appearance of being on stage, and she glares into the camera and takes a large swig of the glass in her hand before she makes any sound.

Then she sings. Inside the bar, her voice is strong enough to rattle glasses.

People listening to the feed on the network may hear the familiar Lancastrian accent of Kate, grumbling almost inaudible complaints. Most of them seem to be along the lines of why did I agree to this and why did I give up booze.

The song ends and Bianca casts a grateful look at Kate before launching into speech.]

I have lived a long time, my friends. I am sorry for many things. I've been unforgivably careless of people's hearts and hopes. I've allied myself with the most treacherous of worms - I have trusted too much, cared too much, and -

[She stops.]

Or not cared enough. I have broken people for my own gain. I have sold myself to a power I knew to be malevolent, to buy my own life. I have tormented those I believed I loved, and abandoned those I know I did. Kate -

[She gazes, stricken, past the camera.]

I pulled you into this scheme. You almost died. Sharon and Maketh did die. I'm sorry, so sorry, for that.

[And then she lifts her chin, defiant.]

But I'm not sorry we made the attempt. I'm not sorry for taking a risk on the chance of buying all our freedom. Are you watching, Hope? Did you feel it, just when it started? The only real hope I've felt since coming here? I hoped so hard to end you.

I'm only sorry we failed.

[There's a brief resigned sigh from behind the camera as the feed goes out.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Stop that. We didn't do this to hurt anyone. Do you really think it helps to punish and berate yourself, Kate? What does it actually achieve?

[ maybe if she guilts herself enough she'll stop making stupid decisions one day? ] Does anything? [ she gets bianca's point, and the direction of her mind and conscience is utterly useless for being productive, but being unrepentant doesn't seem to change much either.

really, short of a time machine, what will? ]

That's Sorrow talking, not you, Kate. Are we really going to lie down and die because the first plan we tried didn't work?

And for goodness' sake, have a drink.

You want me to be more of a downer? [ Because the drink will do that, delight's bar or not. ]

[Bianca rests her head on Kate's shoulder, and says nothing for a good three heartbeats: but her emotions spring into perception with her touch. She is much, much more regretful and guilty than she's letting anyone see; that, and both hurt and deeply, viciously angry. And she needs her friends badly right now.]

I want you to stop punishing yourself. Everyone else in this cave is already lining up to do it for you.

[ seriously, Bianca, you are so lucky that Kate is too tired to shrug you off right now. the constant touching is just something she never gets used to from people. most people just avoid it entirely. ]

Fine. Guilt is- [ well, it's hovering around everywhere like a bad smell. ] -off the table for tonight. [ she even exhales as if to symbolise it all leaving her body.

it doesn't, but she can pretend. she's better at that than she should be. ]

[Bianca drops a kiss on top of Kate's head and smiles. She knows perfectly well it's a lie, but it's one of those necessary lies one has to tell oneself to get to where one needs to be.]

That's better, my darling. Now I'm going to make us champagne cocktails.

[Because she can.]

[ indeed it is. and dammit bianca. ] Fine, but I still have to work in the morning. [ so make it light. ]

[Bianca springs up, pleased, and returns with champagne cocktails: super heavy on the brandy.]

There. That'll make everything seem less of a disaster. People have really been very good about it, I thought.

[ Siiip

... What part of work in the morning means extra brandy, Bianca? ]

Haven't been arrested yet. [ Or made to torture anyone. It's something. ]

Je me fous du passé

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