Dean Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kickingand) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
hadriel2016-08-02 04:47 pm
kickingand) wrote in hadriel2016-08-02 04:47 pm
Entry tags:
video
[ Dean is making this brief for a variety of reasons. But he sadly doesn't care enough to make this anything but video - audio and text just seem like far too much effort, and so Dean can be seen boozing it up with a half empty bottle of whiskey he received from the gods.
Someone's been drunk a lot lately.
Big fuckin' deal. ]
So, I kind of happen to have an angel buddy who's in need of a lay. Anyone want to lend a hand?
Someone's been drunk a lot lately.
Big fuckin' deal. ]
So, I kind of happen to have an angel buddy who's in need of a lay. Anyone want to lend a hand?
action
[ Dean didn't offer more than that because he couldn't, because the words wouldn't come. They hurt too much, ached somewhere strange and misplaced and Dean rubbed at the back of his neck, nervous and unsure. He felt lost, like he'd done something not only wrong but idiotic, as if he couldn't find where he was meant to be in any of his decisions. Had he just been drunk, stupid, unsure, trying too hard? That was it, wasn't it? That he wanted something for Cas that he couldn't have himself - he was trying to help a friend. He was trying to help.
Cas moved away and so Dean moved in tandem, walked away and felt the feet stretch between them, the pull and tug of their existence constantly caught between what was supposed to be and what wasn't and Dean refused to glance over his shoulder as he made his way to his bedroom and tripped the door halfway shut behind him. It felt wrong to close it entirely, felt strange to cut Cas off, and so he didn't, instead simply toppling into bed, stuffing a pillow beneath his cheek and turning his face away from everything he could deign to see. He hid from it all, hid from himself, and refused to come unwound even now. Instead he bound himself tighter, strained muscles and squeezed his eyes shut tight and refused to see anything in the darkness of it, refused to see what he told himself wasn't there.
And eventually he fell asleep. It took awhile but it always did, pent up on energy and nerves and his own failures streaking across his mind until there was none of him left, until that was all of him that was there to begin with. ]