three; video

[iustitiae]

[oh hello hadriel. it's "connor" but this isn't the silly laid back way he normally starts his posts, he looks very serious as he starts talking.]

Man, you guys are collectively the weirdest group of social media users. One day you're asking who ships what the next day you're making vague comments about something horrible someone did once. And it's always, "oh I couldn't possibly tell you what I did, but let me look for emotional support for my vast and intense guilt!" Please. You think you deserve sympathy for that?

[connor laughs, cold and bitter and shakes his head.]

I get it, I do. It's easier to not talk about it. Easier to live on the reputations you've built while you've been here and ask for help based solely on what people know than give up the ghost and actually show them the skeletons in your closet that you're so upset about. Maybe your friends will just imagine you cheated on your significant other once upon a time, or you accidentally lied to your mom, or you did something that, when we tell the whole story, actually sounds like it wasn't your fault at all. The kinds of things good people feel guilty about.

But let's face us - how many of us are actually good people? Why waste our time talking in circles about vague half-truths or covering our obviously deep-seeded issues with superfluous shitposting?

[he clears his throat and is quiet for a moment - dramatic flair, like he's about to drop some real truth bombs. (he is.)]

Here, I'll start: I killed my professor's husband with a group of friends. We covered up the murder like the good little future-lawyers that we are. We did a good job. We'll probably get away with it. Not that I'm likely to find out, since I'm stick here with all of you now.

[he's just going to let that...sink it. better to do it now before people start getting completely paranoid about the doubles than later on. but even if they figure out he's not his original - what does it matter? this wasn't some lie he was fabricating.]

That feels good, getting that out there. Now it's your turn.

Comments

[iustitiae]

Guess we really are perfect best friends. You're a lot better at murder than I am, though.

[64th]

It's amazing how much of a motivator fighting for your life is.

[ but enough about her. ] You don't have anything else bad to tell me, do you? You're just here, collecting everyone else's secrets.

[iustitiae]

That would be stupid, because no one has actually told me anything.

[nah he's got stuff dnw]

I haven't told you about Oliver yet, have I?

[64th]

I didn't say it was a good idea.

[ she shakes her head. ] Nope.

[iustitiae]

He's my boyfriend, from back home.

[he's just going to let her think about all the implications of that & his behavior here.]

[64th]

[ Connor has... maybe not been the most respectful of having a boyfriend. at least recently. but after a while you have to wonder if you're ever going home, right? and you can't just... go forever without intimacy. ]

Serious boyfriend or call you in the middle of the night to burn off some steam boyfriend?

[iustitiae]

[that has pretty much been his biggest problem]

Serious boyfriend. I cheated on him once, but he still took me back.

[64th]

That was stupid of you and very kind of him.

[ she's been the other woman before, she supposes. cheating isn't all that uncommon. ]

cw; suicide

[iustitiae]

Yeah, especially because I was lying to him when we started seeing each other again.

[the well of terrible things is indeed deep]

And the guy I cheated with? He threw himself out a window.

[64th]

What? [ that's a lot. she's seen a lot of shit but throwing oneself out of the window is... it's a lot. ] Why?

[iustitiae]

Because I slept with him to get information on who was screwing over his boss. It turned out to be him and I let her know. Because that's the kind of person I am.

[it had haunted him until ... until they'd killed sam keating, and he'd had bigger, more horrible things to be haunted by.]

[64th]

Fuck. [ that's more diabolical than she imagined Connor to be. ]

Did you know he was going to do it?

[iustitiae]

No.

[oversharing though his double may be, he's at least honest. mostly.]

I didn't really think about any of the consequences of my actions. Including how it was going to hurt Oliver. I assumed he'd never find out.

[64th]

How'd he find out?

[ please don't say something weird. please don't say something weird. ]

[iustitiae]

Stupid mistake. I had the recording on my phone from when I'd gotten the information about how the guy screwed over his boss and he'd talked about sleeping with me.

[he'd been proud of it at the time but THAT ENDED RIGHT AND QUICK]

Oliver wasn't going to have anything to do with me, but the night I killed Sam Keating I ended up back at his place. Told him I had a drug problem.

[how great is your friend NOW huh cashmere]

[64th]

[ ok so that is all first-rate asshole stuff. Connor was right. Cashmere is surprised, because it all seems so cruel. she also knows he's better than all that. ]

A drug problem. You told him you cheated on him because you had a drug problem? And he believed it?

[iustitiae]

No, that's mixing up two things. I cheated on him, we broke up. Later, after the murder I was a mess and went to his place. The next morning I claimed I had a drug problem to cover for how I'd been the night of the murder.

[but it's not just that - oliver was kind of in on it, because of him. he'd dragged him into this whole mess.]

[64th]

That's all pretty shitty, Connor. [ an understatement, tbh. ]

Didn't you feel bad about it?

[iustitiae]

I did it anyway. I pushed my way back into his life until he took me back.

[connor had felt awful about it -- feels awful about it. it's why he hadn't slept with anyone where, why for all his talk and bravado about flirting he didn't really mean anything by it.

that was all going to change.]

[64th]

Do you love Oliver? [ she really just wants to find a way to excuse his behavior. love would be a good excuse. ]

[iustitiae]

[he's quiet for a moment, as if he's unsure. he's deciding what to do: he keeps being honest because honesty in this was important. if he's honest about everything, connor will be able to deny none of it when he gets back. but they both know about creative honesty - after all, he worked for annalise keating. he was learning from the best.

this though? this is a yes or no question. lie, and give a weakness to this argument? or tell the truth and give something in connor's favor?]

Yeah. I love him. I've never felt like this before.

[and look how he's squandered it.]

[64th]

People do stupid stuff for love. When they're scared of losing it. [ not that it makes it any better, or less awful. but it's context. ] Really stupid stuff.

I'm glad you told me.

[iustitiae]

[at least she's agreed it was stupid, these are steps in the right direction]

I'll probably never get to see him again.

[64th]

Mhm. Unless you get lucky and he comes here. Or you go home. Going home is a possibility, right? [ some people have left. she assumes they went home. Cashmere doesn't want to go home, so she's not given it a lot of thought. ]

Or maybe you stay here forever.

[iustitiae]

I don't want him to have to deal with being here. I don't really want to go back to this fucking mess.

[so. there you have it.]