hadriel | Audio

[But his dark self is gone, leaving him with no more opportunity to defeat him. He was so close, the closest he's ever been since leaving Mount Ordeals for these other worlds.]

As I've told others, I'm completely fine and sane. But I almost had him, Rydia, surely you understand what defeating my dark self would mean? I wanted another chance...

I think you're an idiot...

[She's facepalming so hard right now.]

Kain, even assuming you almost had him in a context of brute force how does that help you considering the other you we knew was born from the weakness of your heart and was pretty much some kind of psycological... thing, right? Those are two completely different things. Muscles and feelings, I mean.

[She'd almost ask him "do you think defeating him would make you able to go and congratulate Cecil and Rosa on your wedding?" but that'd go too far. Maybe. still, she's annoyed by his attitude...]

Also I'm climbing all those Leviathan forbidden stairs and I'm hating that you live at the last floor, I'm going to check on you so don't stab me whe the door opens, okay?

When it opens, this will take a while.

[Kain gives an annoyed sigh, though deep down he knows she's right about certain things. He'd used this dark double as a stand-in for the real thing... even though it wasn't quite the real thing at all. It was just... close enough.]

Perhaps it's not quite Mount Ordeals, but... defeating him would still have made me feel I'd accomplished the same thing as I would have up there. It would have fulfilled the same purpose, don't you see? He still represented all of my worst traits, everything I don't want to be... he was the closest thing to my dark self that I've come across.

[He sighs again.]

You don't have to go to all of that much trouble for me...

[There's a moment of silence, like she's trying to consider various things]

I think... it's a good thing you didn't defeat him. Look about how you're talking now, like defeating him would turn everything okay. Blah blah blah, would have fulfilled the same purpose, blah. No, you couldn't be more arrogant: you would be physically stronger than your copy, perhaps, but that'd only make things worse.

Your other self is born from the darkness of your heart, right? Well, you can punch a body to death but if you don't work on the... mental part of it it'll be like casting cure on someone with doom taking his time away. You think all is good, you get arrogant because 'I fixed this' and BAM, as soon as doom- the challenge- hits you you're totally unprepared.

You can beat things with your face on them as long as you want, Kain, but until you don't face your feelings you'll go nowhere.

[She has always been... incredibly honest, hasn't she?]

And this may be just my point of view but... that's what I think.

[She swishes already she didn't start climbing stairs]

I can handle this... and I don't think Cecil and Rosa would ever let me go if I told them I didn't check on you when it sounded like you needed help.

[If there's anything he can count on Rydia for, it's being brutally honest. In some ways, he needs that, someone to tell him hard truths. His two best friends are just too easy on him sometimes. But... Rydia will say anything that she wants to, regardless of how it'll affect the other. Sometimes that can be frustrating. Sometimes helpful. Kain isn't sure which, right now.]

But... Cecil described a physical battle. Surely, that's the most important part. And I've been working on strengthening my mind, too... [But it hasn't gone as well as he'd have liked. Clearly. He hates admitting that, though, hates talking about things like emotions.] I don't know, Rydia... I surely would be better off if I'd beaten him. Even if he wasn't my true dark self.

Hmmph, no, I suppose you don't want to let Cecil and Rosa down. Nor do I want you to, even if I think they worry too much.

[Hey, she's brutally honest only when she wants to help, ok? Remember when she grabbed Cecil's arm telling him 'Golbez is your family' when the paladin didn't know if he wanted to say him goodbye? Maybe sometimes she's too direct but at least she has all the best intentions...]

Oh, yeah, he did. And then you turn around, maybe ask Palom and Porom- who happened to be there as well- what happened and they will tell you he didn't raise his sword once during the whole fight. I can't say for sure what happened during this fight, I was already in the Feymarch by then, but I don't think he just punched his dark self into sumbission. [Oh, my.. she went in full rant mode. Let's blame how pissed she is to climb stairs? At least a bit? Sorry anyway] Also, Kain- it doesn't matter what Cecil did or not to get over his darkness because you aren't him... you have to find your way to deal with your feelings and there's no guide for that. [To think Rosa and Cecil would be so better in helping him out, it's not like Rydia knows the dragoon so well...] Again... I think it's a good thing you didn't, you'd just illude yourself you no longer have to work on yur emotions and all.

Maybe, maybe not, it's not up to us to decide but they certainly care about you.

[Yes, he can count on Rydia to be the one to give such reminders. He knows she's the only one of them making total sense right now. But then she's usually been a voice of reason for them.]

I... Well. I never really... asked about some of the details. I always assumed all along that it was a fight with his darkness. A true fight. [Wow, if it's some mental or emotional struggle, then he's really going to have trouble... he doubts he's strong enough for that. Sigh. He probably never asked because he was afraid of what he'd find out, that it would be an answer like this.] I'm... But I am finding my own way...

[Is he though? Is he really? He's not so sure he can answer that. Damn it... she's really got him there.]

I don't even know why they bother, but... that's true. It's their decision. I respect them, so... I'll respect that.

[Rydia is silent for a moment and when she starts talking again she's panting- ugh, she's hating every step she has to take.]

Why am I not surprised you didn't speak with the others? I don't know exactly what he had to face but it wasn't just... punching things around. And don't forget one important thing: he wasn't alone when he faced Mount Ordeal. [She's saying this only because the dragoon is a loner by nature, the summoner would probably get really angry if she found out he escaped in that place instead of going at the wedding.] Yes, you are, and I'm sure you're trying your best- [Well, she's not lying when she says that, right?] but you shouldn't let things like that, a fake shortcut to your... holydragoonitudewhatever, lead you out of your path.

Because... as I just said: they care about you, you- [No, Rydia, don't insult him again. There's a short pause while she looks for something better to say] should just accept it and be happy.

But... but wasn't the trial for him alone?

[Kain does wish he'd asked for more details, but there'd been a lot going on during their travels, and he hadn't found an opportunity to ask. He'd been so filled with a deep jealousy toward Cecil, that he didn't really want to ask. He thought he could just figure it out himself.] So... then you're saying I must work harder to truly find the redemption I'm after? I should have known this was too convenient...

I'll try to accept it. I promise. [He just happens to leave out the being happy part. Kain, happy? Would that ever be possible?]

[Only two floors left, only two... Rydia stops, sighing and sitting on the stairs for a moment before replying what, at least in her opininon, is the most important thing Kain should always keep in mind if he plans to go on with his quest of self discovery... whatever he's planning.]

Cecil didn't climb Mount Ordeal alone.

[Maybe in the last part he had to fight alone, yet he had other people to support him and give him strenght- and the summoner doubts Cecil would have accomplished what he didn with no support whatsoever.] You certainly won't find redemption punching someone with your face just because the gods of this place decided it was going to be a funny thing to see...

Hey- I noticed your choice of words, young man, and I don't like it. And you don't have to promise me, am I your mom or something? You.. should do it for your own sake. By the way, open your door, I'm almost there.

[At least he can admire her persistence, for bothering to climb all this way. He'd warned her, anyway.]

So he didn't. You're right. But I always assumed that he faced the trial itself alone.

[He sighs, knowing she's right, she's been right all along. Deep down he probably knows it too, after all this isn't Mount Ordeals, and the double isn't his true dark self. Even with the similarity.] Then more than ever, I truly do hate being subjected to the whims of these gods...

I... No, of course you're not. I just thought it fair to promise that. But... very well, I'll do that. I couldn't turn you away after you went to all this trouble. [Even if he's not looking forward to this visit.]

[It's all your fault, dragoon, as usual!]

Do you really think the trial starts only once you already reached the top of the mountain? Kain... Cecil started changing even before we reached Kaipo, the final battle was just the climax of something larger than we can probaly understand.

[She sighs agreeig with the dragoon: she'd pay to return home and avoid all those stupid... games the gods play with them. There's little they can do, thought, at least for now.]

Well... [The voice comes from outside the door, now. The summoner knocks three times and then just enters in the room without even waiting for an answer.] It's okay, I guess, I would just be a bit happier seeing you fina a better motivation than 'because I promised Rydia' or 'I promised Cecil and Rosa' for that. Anyway... hello, long time no see. [For two who live in the same building their interactions are quite limited, aren't them? And even if Rydia climbed all the way up to see Kain and his eventual wounds, she doesn't look in great shape herself: her green clothes have been damaged in various points and her right cheek is covered by a large burn that is only now starting to heal.] How are you?

[Why is it always his fault!? Kain still doesn't quite understand this. He sighs heavily.]

Of course, that would figure. Cecil was always so much better than the rest of us... if figures he would be so much further ahead in his redemption... [Ugh, he needs to stop with these jealous feelings, he knows it's no good for him. He is happy for Cecil, despite it all, too... it's all so complicated. She's right that he needs a better motivation, he just doesn't seem to have quite found it yet. Siiiigh again.]

Rydia. Hello. [He says this quickly as she comes right in, it's not as if he could have stopped her if he wanted to. So now he can't hide anything. Bleh.] I'm fine. [Kain says it insistently, even though he looks to be in the exact opposite shape of 'fine'. He doesn't even get up, he's that weak and weary, bandaged up here and there, bruised in places. But when he glances at Rydia, he narrows his eyes, watching her closely.] Which is more than I can say for you... Are you all right?

[He thinks it's a good tactic, both stalling and diverting the attention onto her. That burn doesn't look... natural, somehow. Not something she'd have gotten from cooking, at any rate, and her own magic never backfires.]

[You're the one who decided to live on the top of that goddarn building... but blaming Kain is somehow easy? She never really means it seriously, at least.]

That's not what I said and you know it. Everyone is special in his own way, you included, you just happened to do different things with your lives. And you had different challenges in your life... being alone in facing them, unlike him. [That's sadly all she has to offer, still Rydia would be way happier if I could stop crying on himself, blaming for stuff or envy Cecil.] Your time will come, trust me.

[But now she's inside the room and looking at him gets her more worried than she was earlier. Mr. "I'm so proud and everything" lacks the strenght to even get up? The summoner doesn't like this.] I'm fine... says the one who's still lying down. Leviathan, look at you... [It's not going to work, sorry, she knows what a difficult patient he can be, Rosa always complained about his lack of patience or how Kain had the habit to say 'it's nothing' even when he was seriously hurt.] Your battle when worse than I imagined, didn't it? Have you asked someone to take care of your wounds? [She steps closer and leans toward him studying his wounds, poking the bruised skin with her finger like trying to test how painful it actually is for the dragoon.] I'm all right, Kain, I just had a couple of unpleasant meetings. [His dark self attacked, Yukari too- oh, but she's not even going to mention the wounds caused by the evil Kain, the last thing she needs is to have him worry even more about that entity.] You're the one who seems in need right now and you're not going to distract me from it.

[Kain is thinking over the advice she's given him, hoping that there's some truth to it all. He's not Cecil, and can never hope to be. Much as he's envied the man and often wished he could have his life... he can't. He never can. He must accept this, as best as he can. He's tired of waiting for his own time to come... but it seems he must still wait for it.]

This, it's nothing... I was just getting some rest, that's all, I... [He winces, struggling to sit up and prove that he's totally not aching all over, and in a terrible state. His attempt to move is a failure, though, and the pain is all too evident all over his face. He sighs heavily.] I had them looked at, they said I'd be fine... [Ok, well, maybe he was supposed to stay in the clinic but he didn't have time or patience for that, so he'd come home. But he'd gotten what he needed to keep from dying, that was good enough, right?] I just had an unpleasant meeting of my own, that was all. I'll get back at him, someday... I'll be... I'll be fine... But who burned you? It couldn't have been me- I mean him- my double... it wasn't, was it?

[Kain makes another move to sit up, he is definitely trying hard to get up entirely.]

[Rydia wishes she could help more, Kain, but beside calling out what she considers stupid and trying to offers suggstions this isn't a path she can help too much with.]

Try to rest, you don't need to prove me anything, okay? [She steps closer, placing her hand on his breastbone and simply keeping him where he is, no need to struggle when it's evident he should be in a clinic with medics taking care of him. Maybe she could look for painkillers, somehow?] how did you manage to climb all the way up here? I struggled and I'm fine but look at you. [Someone wishes she could just threaten the dragoon with a good "I will tell Rosa" but sadly the white mage is nowhere in the cave.] how long has it been since you changed your bandages? Have you had water and food? And- hush, I'm fine, I just had a unpleasant meeting with some weird purple haired guy who was probably jealous of my superior hair color, you shouldn't think about this. [And even if his doubled managed to hurt her a bit, most of it is perfectly hidden under her clothes right now.] I met your double, he just yelled for a moment and walked away.

[Aaaaand- she just pushes him back. Sorry, Kain, she's not allowing you to move wherever right now, not if the only reason is 'proving I'm fine'.]

[Kain doesn't try to fight her, at least, realizing that he has to keep some of his dignity intact, to some extent. At the moment, he's definitely not strong enough to fight her off and he doesn't want to admit that. He makes a face, but he knows that he doesn't have to prove anything, to her.]

You know me... climbing is second nature to me, even... even when I'm like this. [Admittedly, he did have to stop and rest a few times, but he doesn't say that out loud.] I... I'm managing, though, I've been taking care of myself and eating... somewhat regularly... I promise.

[He looks at her more closely, yet again feeling... responsible somehow, for her current state. He should have been there to help fight that purple-haired person. He's going to need to go deal with this person, for Rydia's sake, he's already decided. When he's... healed up a bit more, though. Ugh. He looks even more shocked to hear about the double, though.] That's all he did? He... didn't try to betray or harm you in any other way?

[He falls back when she pushes him, proving her point for certain now. He's in really rough shape, and his expression turns pained for a moment, giving away how he feels.]

[It's not a matter of dignity for her, in Rydia's opininon the only thing that actually matters is making sure he doesn't die because he's trying something stupid... like trying to show around he's perfectly fine. Why are you such a problematic person, Kain?]

So you wasted the few energies you had just to climb up here... For your information, in case you're injuried again, I have two empty rooms in my apartment. You don't need stairs to get there and I am you ally, don't forget that. [Somewhat regularly, mh? Okay, she's going to pack food at least twice a day and pay him a visit despite the stairs...] Since I'm fine I will try to help you a bit in the next few days, okay?

Oh, Kain... you know how honest I usually am, don't you? [This is, indeed, one of those cases where she thinks a lie is necessary... at least for the dragoon's sake.] He only attacked me verbally. He was pretty rude but he only barked at me, I swear.

[It all probably does seem stupid to an outsider, but for Kain? It makes perfect sense. If he acts like he's well, and believes himself to be well, then... he'll be just fine. He just has to push past the pain. It's a manly thing to keep going, no matter what. This is Kain-logic at its finest here.]

I- Are you sure you're fine? You're sure he didn't attack you or cause any harm? [He's still feeling unpleasant about the fact that his double bothered her in any way, especially after losing the fight against him. Not to mention the purple-haired stranger... He sighs.] I appreciate it, of course... I'm sure I can manage fine, but I won't stop you from doing as you want to. You are my ally, you're right. I just... I wouldn't want to impose.

[He really doesn't want to bring up just how painful that stair climb had been. That's not supposed to be such a problem for him, after all.]

[Oh, of course, please do try to explain Rydia abotu this logic of yours, Kain, she will probably be glad to have a solid excuse to hit you on the head or something...]

Will you please stop worrying? [She's avoiding the question because ugh, she hates lying in any case.] I'm fine, I just have a burn on my face, you're the one who needs help here. [She appreciates that but, really, there's no need to feel guilty over things that aren't your fault.] And I'm perfectly sure my other self caused troubles as well, but I know that wasn't me. [There's a small pause] Of course you can't stop me and stop thinking you'll impose. If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't sit here right now, trust me.

... so, is there anything you need? water, maybe? Help changing your bandages? Something?

[Kain's idea of logic is the very worst kind. He sighs, but he knows he ought to stop worrying so much, she's right about that. Even so, he's... not too happy about knowing someone attacked her. She's his ally and... and maybe even friend... and he can't stand for someone harming her. He'll have to sort that out later, when he's in better shape.]

I can't stop you, can I? [And... she did climb all the way up here, that means something.] I met her, by the way. Your double. I definitely greatly prefer your company to hers. I'm glad all of that is over...

[He looks at himself, he's definitely not in great shape at all. It's hard for him to accept assistance, but he needs it at the moment.] I guess... I suppose these bandages are getting a little old. I've been dealing with them, but... if you really wanted to help...

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