hadriel | video; what's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it

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video; what's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it

[Sans has something in his hands. It's a bolt of fabric that he runs between his metacarpals with a distant, unfocused precision, something to idly turn between his phalanges as he speaks. Might take a moment to realize that the backdrop to his video ain't the typical one. It's not his room he's sitting in, after all. He's reclining atop a racecar bed. The sheets are perfectly made, as though the owner were planning on returning at some point. On the bedside table, there's a small stack of belongings that clash rather astutely with the layout of the place. A snowglobe, a binder, an ECHOcomm, and at the very far right of the frame, a folded-up sweater vest.

He dropped in to visit some pals of his, you see. Only to find they ain't around anymore.]

For those of you who knew 'em, seems the docs've gone home. You know the ones. Newt and Hermann. [A pause.] Dr. Gottlieb.

[Being a pain in the coccyx suddenly gets to be less funny when there ain't anybody to yell at you about it, huh?]

Hope it's home they went, and not, uh...wherever it was before they got here. Yao know what I'm talkin' about.

[He folds up the cloth in his hands and stands up, grinning at the camera without a lick of despair. Maybe there's somethin' a bit tired to the whole facade, but who can say? He's always tired.]

I hate to tell ya, but it looks like my bro might'a been the guy to slack off for once. Funny, right? Takin' that hard-earned title from yours truly. Here I thought I was supposed to be the guy who nips off without a word.

[Those with sharp eyes might pick up that the cloth ain't just any old thing. It's Papyrus's sash delineating him as an official member of the City Guard - twice torn, twice mended, and now without an owner. Like hell Sans is cut out to wear a thing like this.]

'Pologies to the Guard. Looks like you're one member short. 'Fraid I can't help ya there either; Papyrus, he's got some big shoes to fill.

[He winks at the lens before reaching for the communicator and then, almost as an afterthought, adds:]

Someone ought'a take care of the lab the docs built. Lotta their stuff's still in there, too, and lyin' around my place. Figure it should go to the people who knew 'em best.

[Y'know, whoever that is. But you all know who you are, don't ya?

Yeah. He'd think so.

He cuts the feed.]

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[Buttercups don't grow here. There was a part of them - the part that now knew what rock-bottom truly looked like - that was tempted to ask Sorrow for it. But both Frisk and Chara had access to something of the same poison. Digging up the grave of a sleeping man and a handful of conversations that were less than half-remembered. One day those shoulders won't exist for things to be placed on them. One day it will all collapse on the world.

It did collapse. Chara's double was proof of that. Someone who found rock-bottom and dug even further. They had seen the Underground and the Surface go dark. And make no mistake, it was still there. It would always be there because that thing was another "Chara". The only difference was that one of them had torn the world down to the bones. They called and the demon didn't have to follow. It was already there.

But that's just another 'what if?'. There's still Chara's Hope, however. One day their shoulders won't exist for things to be placed on them.

That's then. Now...? Well...buttercups don't grow here, do they?]

I doubt people would fault you for taking a walk.

[Chara can imagine how that house might end up. They're neat by nature and thinking about it nearly makes them wince. But it may be in part because it also makes them think about Alphys.

This whole thing is absurd. People are absurd, the world is and so is time. But hey, at least there's knock knock jokes.]

[For all their frankness, there's something quietly relieving in being able to talk about a thing without talking about it. Somethin' almost defensive in there's no shame in taking a walk. No shame in that, no.

Maybe more than a bit of shame in ending up turning to a kid in order to cope. A kid who's killed his brother, killed his best friend, who's actively researching the ways in which they can no longer exist.

Could he talk 'em down from that edge?

Who the hell knows. He can't even talk himself down, most days. It's just that giving up requires so little, in the grander context, and giving in requires effort on his part.]

I figure, yeah. Who'd question it?

[Still, though.

There are knock knock jokes.

Because he thinks of jokes, he thinks of Wade.]

I hear Wade took care of you guys. While I was, uh, out of it.

[It's freeing to hear those sorts of things. There's no shame in taking a walk. And there shouldn't be. Asgore and Toriel actively encouraged it once Chara found a way to simply be a child and explore. No shame. You shouldn't be shamed.

But there is that, yes. The line between giving up and giving in. They both had discussed it, back when the zombies appeared. The ease of giving up. And that is also freeing in its own way. You can just let go of everything and it requires so very little. The path of Genocide was much the same, like playing a video game with all the cheats turned on. SPARING Monsters was hard. Killing them was easy. It was just the matter two of them being difficult.

On the other hand there is giving in. When one hits rock bottom, it's expected of them to drag themselves out. That's what a good, responsible adult does. They don't wallow in self-pity. But it is not as easy as one might think. And...when you get sick of not being able to see the sky...

...ahaha. Well, they don't need to say it.]

Some people tend to stick their noses in the business of others in this cave. But yes, he did. I still need to thank him.

[Chara had been far too out of it to give Wade a proper thank-you for what he had done. They're still pretty out of it, their LOVE was not displaying properly. But regardless, at the end of the day that man stepped up to help two broken children rather than ignore their call. So that is the least they could do.]

He's good people. I'm glad he kept an eye out for you guys.

[He's been a mess. He's gonna continue to be a mess for a while yet. Hermann and Newt's spontaneous disappearance from the cave so soon after Sans's death and subsequent resurrection - he'll take it hard. It'll be another weight on his back, the knowledge that people he cares about have departed and left him on his own.

Here Sans is spendin' all his time marinating in his guilt and regret and mourning, and he don't even have it as bad. What a selfish lot in life, huh?]

If anybody was gonna - 'm glad it was him.

[Chara wasn't in the business of giving life advice as it would go poorly for anyone involved. But it'd be worse in the case of dealing with guilt, regret and mourning. Look how they dealt with learning about Asriel and Alphys. And as kind as Wade had been, Chara couldn't help him either.

Their help tended to be self-destructive.]

I can see why you like him, Sans. Bad jokes and a good heart rolled into one.

[A little bit of a call-back to the business with that shipping chart, although Chara's tone isn't as joking as it was back then. It probably wouldn't be for a long time. "Time heals all wounds" but the both of them know that saying is bullshit. It just ran long enough for scars to form.]

You are not alone in that house, are you?

[It's not an offer to come live here. There was something that Sans just didn't need to know about. But they do know that he shouldn't be alone either. You think too much if left to your own devices, after all.]

[Bad jokes and a good heart. Can't say Sans is a real firm possessor of the latter, but Wade? Wade's got more than enough of that. Enough to see a couple broken kids lying in the dust and ash and blood and not ask what it is they'd done, but simply extend a hand to help.

He's a good man. Don't deserve to be left alone.]

Nah. Me and Alph are still in.

[Though bringin' Alphys up carries its own unpleasant connotations. Bad time to get into it, he's guessing. Not like there's ever a good time but -

Maybe a worse time to bring it up than usual. Leave it to the wayside if he can. Don't just let things sneak up, like he had to have a reason to come here other than simply needing to get outta the damn house, and head to one the place he felt, paradoxically, ridiculously, safe.

He's got no right springin' this on 'em outta nowhere.

He lets it lie.]

[Two broken children covered in dust and blood, using a cellphone that belonged to a friend of his. Someone who was no longer there. But he acted rather then asked questions and brought them home.

Sans thought hating someone took work but it doesn't, as far as human beings are concerned. So it's nice to once in awhile meet someone who offered a sliver of kindness.]

That is good then. You two can keep each other distracted with anime or something.

[They don't say pranks and while they do think about Alphys, Chara doesn't say anything about it either. Let sleeping dogs lie for now. Chara had resolved to not regret their actions and their twisted form of justice. If they had to do it all over again they would.

But Chara is not above the consequences. When that time comes they will face the fallout and whatever else comes.

That's then. For now, it'll remain in the dirt.]

And horrible jokes.

[Now ain't the time to get into it, nah. It's too much for that right now. Everything's - too much. He's got no energy for arguments, for discussions on ethics and the nature of consequences and personal justice. Can't even imagine hypotheticals, for now, worries about if it had been his brother, if he'd'a acted any different.

Don't matter much now, one way or another. Can't picture it all right.]

Asriel and Frisk been copin' all right?

[The and yourself? is all but implied, but the three of 'em all have that tendency to focus on the other two before they'll even so much as mention themself, if they do at all. Best to start with the external.]

Of course. We can't forget the horrible jokes.

[But both what Sans asks and doesn't ask is pretty clear. And it's a hard question to answer as well. All of them certainly were better now that the blood was wiped away and their wounds bandaged up. No more fear of death, of the sound of a building crashing down around their ears or the awful, awful words of all of their doubles and the truths they held.

By no means are they better, however. Unspoken actions and coping down the words of a man that did not exist to do right by everyone they ever loved. It's okay. We'll be good.]

I spoke with Asriel after he revived...however, I am not sure how he is coping. [Chara doesn't know if Sans knows what they do, but they won't say anything either way] As for Frisk I have been keeping an eye on them. Their wounds will heal in time.

[For what it's worth.]

[Their double. And Asriel's -

God. God this is his problem with secrets, with promises, the whole ethos behind all of 'em, and it makes him a hypocrite but he's so beyond caring at this point, what he is, that it don't rightly matter.]

I think I scared him.

[That was...cruel. Even for him, that was cruel. Uncalled for. He wouldn't fault Chara for choosin' to take umbrage with that. Someone who hurts your brother, makes him cry - that'd be playing real dirty, huh?]

Don't think he remembers what it is his twin said.

[Actions speak louder than words but words would have helped if they had been spoken prior to this mess. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that.

And speaking of words...so Sans did speak to Asriel. His double as well, if Sans 'scared' him. Given what Asriel double had told Chara about the true nature of Flowey it was likely that the skeleton also knew.]

I hope he does not. You two spoke, I assume?

He found me at the temple. Right after I woke up.

[Waitin' for someone else, no doubt. He doubts Asriel had much thought to spare to a Smiley Trashbag who judges kids as guilty unless they're proven innocent.]

I, uh...

[The flower. The king's kid. One and the same. And Alphys, she's the one who spiraled it all down to that. Through no fault or intent of her own, but still - still, 'cause of her, he lived like that. For god knows how long, through however many different iterations.

God. And he thought he was livin' in hell.]

Had no idea. It turns out.

[That really is bad timing.

When Chara walked away from Asriel's double and finally found time to sit down and think about the things Flowey had said and done. What Asriel had said and done.

He was the one who tried to kill Frisk when they first fell into the Underground. The one that stalked them throughout their journey and trapped them in a loop of death. He killed Frisk over and over until they managed to overcome that creature. And Chara can't help but remember the fact that Flowey possessed the power to Save and Load before Frisk came along. The things that someone without emotion could do, said they did. Saved everyone. Killed everyone. Read every book, burned every book.

A flower that, last Chara saw, was terrified of them. They terrified their Best Friend. They were going to kill their Best Friend.

Asriel. Beloved, kind Asriel. The one who had gone and saved a worthless human that had thrown away their life once it became clear what would happen if they stayed on the Surface. Who played Monsters and Humans with them, who loved them--

"You'd think everyone's learned by now, what happens to the people you claim to love."

Chara knows. And so...]

[Y҉͡͠͠҉ó͡ú̵̧r̶̴͡҉͠ ͏̧͘̕L̸̛̀͟O͘͝V҉̴̧E̡̡ ̵̡͢í̡̨̛͟n͝͏͢͝c̴͘ŕ͘e̸͟á̀́ś̸́͡e̸͏́d̴͟͞!͏҉̀]

[...they shake their head.]

Nor did I. I did know that he came here without his SOUL, but not that he and that flower were one in the same.

[Funny, isn't it? That Asriel's supposed "Best Friend" did not know that, hun?]

[He came here without his SOUL. That earns somethin' that is, in and of itself, a small phenomenon; he glances at Chara with something like surprise, surprise and concern, and it's easy enough to buckle that all behind the ironclad mask and the perpetual rictus, he's too tired to keep up the pretense.
He trusts he don't have to.
He and the flower. One and the same. There's almost no correlation there, so completely outta the ballpark of any theory Sans bounced around in his skull that, hell, no wonder he never pinned that one down.

Not so smart as the flower thought, then, huh?]

I'm sorry, kiddo.

[Quiet, distant. Not restrained, but - drained, the fatigue weighing deep and heavy in his bones. Not so surprised to find that right now, he kinda means it.]

You're supposed to - you keep 'em safe. You keep family safe. You keep your brother safe. And you can't - what d'you do when you can't?

[...who's he talkin' about again?]

[It's hard to imagine, isn't it? The King's son, a cruel flower and they're one in the same. Even Chara didn't see the connection and they had access to the powers of Determination. Didn't see it coming until Asriel's double basically slapped them in the face with it.

Sans speaks and they do understand what he's saying. Adults always protected their siblings and they would be expected to if their parents

Yes. Stop.

But a bitter, awful part of them wants to ask "What do you do if you're the reason your brother suffers? What if you're the poison rather than the cure?"

Asriel was the one that suffered the consequences of Chara's actions. Judgement came down on the wrong person. Now there was something the power of Determination would be useful for.

What do you do when you can't? Nothing. Chara doesn't say anything in response for a long while.]

I know Sans. If there was something I could do to change that I would.

[Even ask the Gods, if they could.]

[Shouldn't've gone there. Running his mouth, goin' where he shouldn't. Poking the sleeping dragon. Only they ain't a dragon at all, they're a kid, they're a kid who's just had some kinda horrifying revelation about their brother thrown into their face in the cruelest way possible.

What do you do if you're the reason your brother suffers?

If Papyrus ever suffered, he...kept quiet about it. And some part of him, some ugly part, thinks that maybe he'd do that for Sans's sake. 'Cause he wouldn't wanna see his brother unhappy.

You never wanna see your brother unhappy. Much less twisted into something beyond recognition. And then when you're faced with the person you know without question is to blame -

Ha ha, wow. Let's not go there.]

I know.

[He ducks his skull by way of apology. Shouldn't've brought it up at all, but his whole life is a big long concatenation of shoulds and shouldn'ts, so hell - what's one more?]

'S not a feeling I'd wish on anybody.

[Asriel cried. He cried a lot and Chara teased him for it and was silently surprised when his parents tolerated it. But they're not going there. They may be a kid but that didn't mean their anger couldn't be like a dragon.

What do you do if you're the one who asked your brother for poison?

Nothing.

But again, let's not go there.]

Nor would I.

[It's a far cry from the demon when they first arrived, so ready to claim that they didn't have emotions. But when it came to those who Chara loved, they had to have everything and more. That's the least they could offer.

Chara shifts a little before looking at Sans.]

Sans...I understand if you may not be fond of Asriel after this. But I will have to request that you hold of on judgement.

[Request, not a promise. He doesn't have to promise Chara anything. But it'd be...for the best.]

[Is he fond of Asriel? Hard to say. He was neutral on the kid up until now. And now - now he's got no idea what to think of the kind, soft-spoken kid, the child of the king, who got turned into somethin' against his will. Hell, against Alphys's will - weren't like she had a clue about what she was doing.

But Chara - don't think it mattered much to 'em. When your brother goes cold and quiet, dust or worse than dust, it don't much matter if it was a mistake. If the kid just didn't know any better. He attacked 'em, and they hit back.

There's still an ugly coil of rage about your chest, 'cause of all the people they could'a hurt, it had to be him.

...

And that's the second time they've asked him to withhold judgment. And it ain't a promise at all, and he can appreciate that. They've learned each other's vices and yet - not stepped in to use 'em.

Maybe that's something like trust. He wouldn't know.]

I ain't planning on judging anybody anytime soon.

[Hardly cut out to be the guy to do it, right?

He pauses. The adds, as a lazy afterthought:]

'Cept Hux. Man killed a few planets' worth of innocent people. Far as I'm concerned, you and Asriel ain't nowhere near his level.

[Nowhere near his LV either. Funny, right?]

[They have to acknowledge that. Alphys did not set out to do what she did to Asriel on purpose. It was an accident that lead to her death in Hadriel.

Chara acknowledge that accident, but that didn't mean they would suffer what she had done to him in silence. Anger like a dragon, twisted justice, ect. Accidents had consequences and nobody was above that. Not themselves, not Alphys.

There's very little point in using those vices now. Chara had their name back and Sans knew the dangers of promises. So....no point. There's no point in finding a thicker brick wall to slam their heads against once the old one wears out. Enough of that for now.

Chara snorts at the sudden dig at another man that Sans appears to have a healthy dislike of, for a fairly good reason.]

I will take that as a compliment. Did this man tell you this or did you find out by accident?

[It's not like Chara ever kept quiet about what they did, but shouldn't killing a few planets' worth of people be kept on the down-low?]

[Somethin' of a compliment, yeah. It's, uh, easier to talk about something like that anyway. Simpler. Better than thoughts about brothers dying and dusting - or worse.]

He was having a very public argument about it with his roommate.

[Didn't regret it for a second, either. So yeah, Chara's got a good several steps above him simply by virtue of expressing remorse, if infrequently.

He's too tired for all but the rote amount of disgust but - fact of the matter, the man didn't express a whit of regret for anything he'd done, the millions of lives he'd doomed.]

Seemed pretty proud of himself.

[They've learned to take those little "Not as much of a genocidal maniac than you could be' awards. The LOVE of some of the people here outpaced Chara's and it was very clear that this person far surpassed them.

But it's probably time to move the conversation away from dead brothers.]

He sounds like a real winner.

[Chara's being sarcastic. Pride was a downfall, so on and so forth.]

I certainly hope he isn't a problem here.

[Or the Gods got any ideas. It's not like they were anymore a beacon of Good Life Choices than Chara was.]

[Point is, Chara had a hell of a better reason to set about doin' what they did besides some kinda meek, faulty justification about it bein' the right thing to do or whatever bullshit Hux is touting as fact. Don't make their actions much better any, but it explains 'em a whole lot better than Hux's reasoning.

So, yeah. "Not as much of a genocidal maniac as you could have been" award. Be proud.

He hums his agreement, wearily.]

You and me both, kid.

[It could be worse was always a very shaky concept. Chara's double had shown them what the worse was when Chara found them standing over Asriel's dust. That was...something Chara can't think too hard about, least their LOVE rises again.

But yes. They'll take that award.]

I suppose that all the heroes here will be keeping an eye on him, at any rate. And if worse comes to worse again, I can always tell you more knock knock jokes until things calm down.

['Again', hun? Well why not. It's better than thinking about things have, could and will go to hell in a hand basket. There's always time for bad jokes, until nobody can remember Chara.]

video; what's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it

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