Video; Dream a little dream with me

[ushahin]

[It's been a while since Ushahin has posted to the network. He always ends up enjoying the responses he gets, for it gives him a good pulse on what the cave residents are up to. It's time for another one of what Sans once called his "philosophy hour."

He's sitting outside, and for once, is wearing sunglasses, hiding the worst of the damage done to his eye sockets. It appears that he's watching something up in the sky, the moment of his head going round and round.]

I used to wonder sometimes if being brought here was a punishment for all the wrongs I have done in my life. I don't suppose it is so, but sometimes, the idea seems to have merit. Tell me, what is the worst thing you have done in your life? No lying or vague answers for this one or I'll pull it right out of your heads. Just tell me the truth.

[What he's been watching rapidly descends, revealing the dot in the cave ceiling to have been Fetch, his raven friend. He lands on the ground and hops over, giving whoever is watching an extreme close-up of the raven as he pecks at the device. He gives out a guttural Grrrawww! to Ushahin, who seems to be listening to it as if it's actual words.]

I suppose you are right. Fair trade and all that. I won't tell anyone else. You don't live to be my age without learning how to keep a secret. And if you tell me one, if you would like, I'll tell you one of mine.

Comments

[ushahin]

Sometimes, telling of such things helps lift the darkness on one's soul.

[He takes off his sunglasses, bad eye squinting in the sunlight. Pain helps focus his powers. A mirror to his look is Fetch sitting on his shoulder, head cocked. Ushahin brushes a lock of hair out of his face as he reaches out with his mind. A jumble of thoughts swirl through this young one's mind and-- Sharon. He senses thoughts of her running through Mello's mind. She is one that Ushahin feels a kinship towards, no matter how much she tries to push him away. That is enough to make him sit up and take interest.]

I see something weighing heavily on your mind. Someone. Speak of it and part of the pain shall lift.

[torrefied]

Bullshit. Talking never solved anything. Problems get resolved with action, not words.

[Blame the orphanage that took him in as a small child for that outlook, at least in part. Encouraging all the broken children that passed through its gates to set the past aside and work toward a nearly-impossible goal did none of them any favors.

Maybe that's why Mello found it so easy to take the path he chose when he decided to kill Sharon. He had a goal - keeping Near safe - and words had no effect on her.]

Anyway, who died and made you a shrink? Don't we have three of them here now? Maybe you ought to leave therapy to the trained professionals to decide who needs it and who doesn't.

[Spoilers: Mello definitely could use therapy.]

[ushahin]

You sound like my cousin. He's dead now, which shows how much that line of thinking works.

[He raises an eyebrow at the passion he can hear in Mello's tone. Clearly, he's struck a nerve with this one. His words seem to have little effect on Ushahin besides producing a weary look.]

If you were to spend a thousand years and more watching humanity not change one whit, but make the same mistakes in the same patterns over and over again, mayhaps you would see the same things I do.

[His eyes go unfocused for a moment, the bits of his power swirling around Mello's mind.]

But we are getting off-topic here. Why does the death of one woman weigh so heavily on you?

[torrefied]

I've been killed twice, and I fail to see how that's in any way relevant.

[If he'd encountered Sharon back in his own world, if he hadn't been subjected to the spikes of emotion during Sorrow's revival, Mello might've killed Sharon without a single thought. If she'd stood in the way of him reaching his goal, there's no doubt - her death would have been hardly worth noting.

But the closer he and Sharon grow, the more alike he discovers they are, the more reasons he has to regret killing her.]

It doesn't, [he lies], I've killed plenty of people [true] and slept soundly [also a lie, he never sleeps soundly].

[ushahin]

It appears death has made you none the wiser, child.

[There is perhaps a touch of contempt weaved into that last word there. For he is a child to Ushahin's old mind, a angry one who thought himself smart enough not to fall into the traps that everyone else's minds did, but a child nonetheless.]

You shouldn't try to lie to someone who can see the truth so clearly in your mind. [His long fingers lace together in front of him.] So try again with a new answer.

[torrefied]

[Ways to get Mello to do what you want: not this.]

I'm not a child, [he snaps,] and I don't take orders from you.

[ushahin]

You are a child. A boy whose under the delusion that he's become a man.

[And with Ushahin's powers, he doesn't even get the luxury of lying.]

You killed her without pity. Does that keep you up at night, knowing that you killed someone you've grown so close to?

[Protective Ushahin mode engaged. Sharon is well able to take care of herself, but Ushahin sees her as the closest thing he's ever likely to get to a daughter in this life. And like any good parent, he has to make sure her boyfriend is good enough for her. Thus far, he's not impressed.]

[torrefied]

I did what was necessary!

[What he thought was necessary, even though it turned out it wasn't. Killing Sharon didn't stop the nightmare reality she'd created from raging on.]

No one else was willing to step up and at least try to save the rest of us!

[Also good job hitting his buttons - Mello's voice is definitely raised. It does weigh on him, nagging in the back of his mind, scratching at the bottom of his heart, even as he has attempted more times than he could count in the months since it happened to logic his way out of his bad feelings. He tried to talk Sharon down first, and she didn't want to be talked down. She wanted to die, and hoped (ha) that Hope wouldn't bring her back. But that is Sharon's secret, and Mello is not in the habit of telling hidden truths that do not belong to him.]

Not even you. I seem to recall you cooling your heels pretty uselessly in Fear's temple at the time.

[ushahin]

It speaks to what kind of a person you are when your first solution to a problem was to kill the one who created it in the first place. Did she ever forgive you for it or did you merely agree never to speak of it again?

[Ushahin's voice doesn't rise, though he does have an expression of disapproval on his face. To have murdered the girl and then grown close to her is an odd turn of events he doesn't quite understand. The guilt, though, that he understands just fine. If Mello is hoping to goad him by reminding him of his actions during that time, it doesn't work the way he hopes. Ushahin merely laughs at Mello's accusations.]

Why would I have stopped such a glorious display of power as that? It was spectacular. It's what drew me to her in the first place.

[torrefied]

It wasn't my first solution, you pillock. I tried talking, reasoning with her - twice - and I waited it out for several days, thinking maybe someone else would be able to get through to her or come up with a so-called better solution. No one did, so I did what no one else would.

[She did forgive him, though. He didn't ask for it and didn't expect it, and yet she forgave him anyway - for that, and many other mistakes he's made during his time here. More secrets he's disinclined to share with Ushahin.]

I don't have to justify my actions to you. I don't answer to you.

[ushahin]

Yes, so very noble what you did, attempting to save us all. As if taking a life isn't the easiest thing in the world to do.

[Sarcasm doesn't quite become Ushahin, but there's not much else to do when dealing with a stubborn boy.]

I never claimed you did. But I shall judge you for what you have done. I must say, I find you lacking. You are lucky she is so fond of your presence. [The light disappears from Ushahin's eyes, leaving them dark and fathomless.] Otherwise, I would crush you like a bug.

[torrefied]

[Mello laughs, short and sharp, derisive.]

You think taking a life is easy? You're wrong. People don't die easily - they tend to resist being killed. Every life I've taken has been with careful consideration, never a decision made lightly.

[And yet, despite his claims otherwise, Mello is still justifying himself to Ushahin. Time to reel this in.]

I've faced greater opponents than you who have tried to crush me and failed. You can judge me all you want, it makes no difference to me what you think of me. You are unimportant.

[Sorry, he's hanging up now.]