[ When Big Boss' corpse had inexplicably disappeared, of course Kaz had wondered if the stories were true. But there had still been that seed of doubt, that practical side of him that insisted such a thing wasn't possible.
But then he considers how Quiet had survived something that had surely killed her. How even Volgin had come back from the dead.
Now here's their proof. It's difficult to get past the thought of what an idiot and actually reply, though. ]
A woman named Kerrigan. She's the one who dug up your corpse.
I can come to you, unless you have a better idea.
[ Kaz has never actually been to the place where Snake is staying, but he has a general idea of what spire he's in. It might take him a while to get over there, but maybe it's about time. ]
[john has to think about this for a second. kaz is taking this whole thing pretty well, too well. strained though their relationship may be, he thought maybe kaz might've yelled at him, cursed him, something.
then again, these were texts. maybe he was waiting to rip into him when he saw him? and why did miller want to come all the way out to meet him?]
I'm in spire 3, 701.
[it's more of a warning than an agreement. did he really want to climb all those stairs?]
[ Some of it is definitely shock. Shock that Big Boss died in the first place, and shock that here he is, back and apparently without any side effects. No parasites that cover his skin, no brain damage, nothing.
At least nothing that's shown itself so far. Snake is right to be suspicious about being offered something like this without any catch. ]
Christ. At this rate you are going to be the death of me.
[ A not-so-funny joke. Still, Kaz had already suggested he go to Big Boss, so he isn't going to back out from that now. ]
[ That door has been open for Kaz from the start. He just hasn't wanted to step through it until now. He's aware that he's going back on his own word by doing this, but if that whole mass burial proved anything, it's that they won't accomplish much in this city without working together.
Whatever bad blood there is between them, he's going to have to forget about it until they find their way home. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but even Kaz has to admit that they're better off banding together against these gods.
The trip takes longer than it should, but he makes the hike and even works his way up those flights of stairs, his success mainly due to the presence of a railing he can cling to. By the time he makes it to Snake's door, he's short of breath and looking haggard. He leans against the door frame and closes his eyes. ]
Would it have been so hard to pick a room on the ground level?
[ He's not entirely sure where Big Boss is in the apartment, but he speaks loud enough to be heard. ]
[john lies in wait like his namesake for a while, sprawled on the couch with the door wide open. he desperately wishes he had a smoke, it was the only thing that kept his hands from fidgeting. and the wait makes him want to fidget.
after all, kaz could just nix the whole thing. stick to his guns, be stubborn, make things difficult. neither of them need that right now.
but then he hears the uneven gait drifting up the stairs and knows the sound can only belong to one person. by the time kaz is at the seventh floor, john disappears into the kitchen and comes back out with a glass of water.]
It's too much to keep an eye on.
[he puts the glass on a table near the couch, stands there waiting for kaz to come inside. it's john's way of giving him one final out. after all, he forced himself up seven flights of stairs. if he really is serious about burying this thing between them (even temporarily), a few more steps to the couch will seal the deal.]
[ There's definitely a sense of satisfaction in the thought that he might have made Snake sweat while he waited and wondered if he'd actually show. Maybe he should have held out for a little longer to prolong that, but the fact is that Kaz needs to see Snake with his own eyes. After looking at his corpse, there's a need to find color in his face again. To see life in his limbs.
Big Boss wanders out holding a cup of water, looking as if nothing ever happened. Kaz remains where he is for a few seconds and simply stares, tracks every motion, registers every shift in Snake's voice. He, of all people, would be able to pick out a fake, and this isn't that. ]
You could move.
[ But he won't, Kaz knows. Too paranoid for that kind of thing.
A few more seconds and he finally pushes off of the door frame, leaning on his cane as he makes his way to the couch and then falls onto it. Snake's couch, in Snake's apartment. They may be temporary lodgings, but this is a symbolic move and he's going to have to explain himself.
Frowning, he reaches out for the water, downs about half the glass in one go, and then sets it down again.
At which point he look Big Boss right in the face, and blurts out: ] What the hell were you thinking?
Maybe I'll move closer to you. I don't wanna torture you with anymore stairs.
[because as much as john is a believer that no soldier should let an injury hamper them, he can't say he'd have a better time climbing those stairs were he in kaz's place. and if they're going to be working together, they should at least be in the same spire.
plus, you know, he had grown so used to living in a place surrounded by other people that living up on the seventh floor in the spire just didn't feel right. unfortunately, they were the only rooms that were one bedroom. small, easy to fend off anything that might attack him.
anyway. he gives kaz a moment to collect himself, shuts the door to the place so no prying ears could drop in. he's headed back to where his friend is sitting when he gets hit with that question.]
[ Move closer? That's a pretty bold statement. It's true that Kaz had come all the way here to return Big Boss' weapons, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. He hasn't said a thing about forgiveness, and yet Snake's acting as if they're already there. It's presumptuous, which is why he puts off any kind of response.
With an annoyed grunt, Kaz flips open his coat and pulls out first Big Boss' knife, in the sheath, which he tosses onto the table. Next is his gun, which he sets down with a little more care. ]
Don't play dumb, Snake. [ He looks up as Big Boss walks back over, his mouth tight and his brow knit above his aviators. ] Kerrigan told me that the coffin had been slashed open. What happened to you wasn't some accident.
[ It's not like either of them could have helped that helicopter crash, but this had been deliberate. Kaz would have thought that after spending nine years in a coma, Snake would have been a little more cautious. So much for that. ]
[lie to yourself all you want, kaz, john knows a cease-fire agreement when he sees one. and, of course, he notices how the other man purposefully doesn't make any further comments on the subject. that's fine. big boss doesn't need kaz's approval to uproot should he feel like it.
when his weapons are placed on the table, he regards them like long, lost friends. the knife is relatively new compared to the m1911, which is close to 20 years old. a present from the same person who had given him their prized triumph motorcycle.
it's easier to think about the knife and the gun than kaz's accusation. mechanically, he secures the knife to belt, movements second-nature. the gun he gives a cursory glance over, flashing a glance the blond's way before:]
Pain gets the better of us all.
[it's all he offers in the way of explanations before he draws the slide of the pistol back, ejects the round in the chamber to make sure everything's still in working condition. that he's still in working condition.]
[ Kaz only watches as Big Boss collects his weapons. The way he handles them with the sort of care he can never show to another human being has never failed to amaze him. It might not be obvious to someone who doesn't know Snake, but there's a great deal of fondness in the way that he secures the knife and gun back onto his person. Kaz only shakes his head to himself. Typical.
(At one point, he'd found it enduring. That a man could treat tools of destruction like precious mementos.)
That answer, though, completely blindsides him. Pain gets the better of us all. It's not often that Big Boss admits to anything emotional about himself, let alone being in pain. Kaz can guess that being stuck in that coffin had been hellish, but is it really in Snake's personality to try and find some other way out?
He has to wonder if it had reminded him of the AI pod.
Kaz bows his head and clenches his jaw, filled with anger for reasons he can't quite explain. ] If you'd just waited, you would have been fine. [ As far as Kaz is aware, everyone else had survived the ordeal, though it's always possible someone had been missed. Still, he'd facilitated the majority of those buried being saved, and that's something he can take pride in. ]
[he doesn't like to talk about himself like this or even about this kind of subject. with no cigars and nothing to point a gun at, he crosses his arms and curls his fingers around his biceps. big boss doesn't fidget, but christ, he might in this place if he has to quit smoking for too much longer.
the whole of whatever john was thinking in that coffin was between him and that pine box, but kaz isn't about to be lied to. or brushed off. he's too smart and he knows big boss better than the man himself wants to admit.]
I couldn't. [it's the truth and it's not, all at once. he's not going to start pouring out whatever races into his head just to fill the gap between them. if kaz wants answers, he'll have to ask, or yell, the right questions.]
[ Snake stands there as steady as a concrete block, but Kaz can sense that he's anxious, that in reality he's close to vibrating out of his own skin. Whatever he went through while in that coffin, it got to him, and Kaz can count the number of times he's seen Big Boss this unsteady on the one hand he's got left.
Kaz lifts said hand to rub at his eyes behind his sunglasses, displacing them for only a moment before they fall back into position. ]
What if the rumors had been wrong, and Hope hadn't been able to bring you back? You would have been fine with dying, just like that? In some random cave located who-knows-where?
[ No matter which way Kaz looks at it, this had been a dumb move on Big Boss' part. Maybe he'd really been that desperate to end it all in that moment, but it still strikes him as an unexpected sign of weakness. ]
At the time? [look, even he knows that it wasn't the smartest decision he's ever made. he won't argue. but, in the moment, it had seemed like the only one and, in the end, it had been his. that was the point; he'd rather die at his own hand than leave it up to chance.
and the irrational part of his brain, the part that had done all the thinking for him down there, told him that no one would come for him.] Yeah. There's contingency plans in place for if I die or disappear, so it doesn't matter if I had.
[ocelot and venom would've picked up his slack. outer heaven would have still happened. there world would've continued spinning without him.]
[ There he goes again. Kaz actually lets out a pained groan. Is he ever going to be able to get through this guy's thick skull? ]
Are you capable of not thinking about your "grand plan" for a second? [ It might seem hypocritical coming from someone like Kaz, who always has the finish line in mind, but at least he also has some emotional intelligence. (Maybe too much of it, according to some.)
He shakes his head vehemently. ] It's not about that. Did you stop and think about the people who would grieve your death? Not because of any foiled plans, but because they valued you as a person? [ Kaz isn't talking about himself, of course. That ship has sailed. But people such as Ocelot would have been deeply affected by Big Boss' death. Not that Kaz really cares what Ocelot's put through, either. It's the principle of the matter. ]
[john actually has the audacity to scoff at that, barely stopping himself from rolling his eye. they were all soldiers, at any given moment one of them could die from something as simple as a stray bullet in a routine fire-fight.
and, if he's being honest with himself, john's the only one who has a problem letting go.] Who, exactly? You wouldn't. [because kaz had made it clear that, even if they worked together here in the cave, they would never be what they were before. no matter what he said or explained, they were done.] My men have probably already sent word to Ocelot that I'm gone.
[and if ocelot mourned his disappearance, it wouldn't be in the normal way that normal people might. at least, john thought so. when he made off into the night in 1971, after leaving the patriots, ocelot had only buried his head into his own work.] All that's left for me is Outer Heaven and stopping Zero.
[ It's true that Kaz had been taking a gamble each and every time he had sent "the Boss" out into the field. There had always been the chance that he wouldn't make it back, and that had been the case with Venom too. But he'd ended up having faith in both of them, his impassioned words meant to help them through even the toughest scrapes.
Snake doesn't hesitate to call him out on the fact that he isn't supposed to care anymore, that his death shouldn't mean a goddamn thing. That he should have been celebrating the news, and should have cursed Hope when Snake ended up being resurrected.
If only it was that easy to bury all those old feelings.
Kaz finds his gaze falling to his lap, and he stays quite for far too long before he remembers he's got to say something. ] Sounds like a pretty lonely life. All that's left for me now is getting revenge. [ Everything good they built had been burned to the ground, scattered to the sea. Kaz had thought he was the only one who'd really been crippled by what happened, but maybe it had been unfair of him to assume that. ]
[kaz is quiet for way too long for john to feel comfortable. he had always been the loudest one in the room back in MSF, never one to shy away even if what came out of his mouth wasn't exactly the truth. sure, he had obviously become more subdued in the nine years they hadn't seen each other, but it was still kaz.
then again, he wasn't the one who had been around kaz in his day-to-day on the new motherbase. at this point, venom probably knew the man better than he did. either way, it feels like he's missing something.
it's almost he's torn up about snake accusing him of not caring.] It doesn't...have to be like that here.
[here, there wasn't any cipher for miller to hound after. here, there wasn't the ever present threat of zero's unification of the world in the back of john's mind. here, they just had to survive to the next day and keep trying to escape.] We can put that on hold. [john misses his friend.]
[ From the moment that Kaz had decided to come over here and return Big Boss' weapons, his plan had been to admit that they were better off working as a team here. Not because they were friends anymore, but because if they pooled their skills they'd have a better chance of living through all this and getting back to where they belonged.
Kaz can't help but wonder why he's so desperate to get back when all that's waiting for him is a long, bloody road to hell, but it isn't something he can simply abandon either.
Putting it on hold is more or less how he'd wanted to describe it, so it kind of feels like Snake's unintentionally stolen his thunder. Kaz twists his mouth as he looks at him, still not able to put into words how he feels about this man. ]
It's the logical thing to do. We already know what we can accomplish together, and right now, we want the same thing. [ The implication being that that's not the case back home. Kaz shakes his head back and forth twice, quickly. ] But this doesn't change anything when we get back, just so we're clear. [ That may be a lie, but for now, Kaz has to tell it. ]
[this is enough. john hadn't been expecting any apologies or admittance that everyone had been in the wrong. he wasn't delusional. hell, honestly, he wasn't even expecting kaz to admit that putting things aside, for now, would only behoove them. after all, john knew the extent which his former second-in-command's hard-headedness could reach.
miller's reason for actually coming up was plain from the moment he suggested he bring john's weapons, but actually following through with it? he was serious.
and to think, boss had been ready to accept the blame for everything. not that he actually believe it was his fault, but he knew that would be what kaz wanted to hear. if it prevented his old friend from being out of his realm of influence and under someone else's, john would bend a knee to whatever ridiculous request miller could think of.]
Fine. [is all he says. he doesn't extend his hand forward to shake on it or does any other informal, acceptance gestures. no matter what, this is a step in the right direction. big boss was patient, after all.] You didn't have to climb seven flights of stairs to tell me that. [what he actually means is, you didn't need to see me.]
[ It's not something they need to shake on. There's no need to make it that official, especially because Kaz can't promise that the tides won't shift again, even within Hadriel. It's difficult to process how he feels about this. It's the right choice strategically, but is he glad to be partnered with Big Boss again?
This is what he'd always wanted, what he'd yearned for during those nine long years. Now that he has it, the whole thing is pretty anticlimactic. An example of too little, too late.
Big Boss' remark causes him to shrug his one good shoulder and shake his head. ] No, but after that stunt you pulled, I needed to see you. [ A pause, during which he looks away, and he adds: ] I saw your corpse.
[ As far as he's concerned, that should explain it. But then his head whips back up to Big Boss, voice full of that passion he's so well-known for. ] And my first condition as your sub-commander is that you never pull a stunt like that again. [ Idiot. ]
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But then he considers how Quiet had survived something that had surely killed her. How even Volgin had come back from the dead.
Now here's their proof. It's difficult to get past the thought of what an idiot and actually reply, though. ]
Where are you?
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My apartment.
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I have your weapons. I'm guessing you want them back.
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Yeah, I feel naked without them. Who gave them to you? And where should I meet you?
[totally nonchalant. not even a 'sorry you had to see my corpse it probably wasn't pretty'.]
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I can come to you, unless you have a better idea.
[ Kaz has never actually been to the place where Snake is staying, but he has a general idea of what spire he's in. It might take him a while to get over there, but maybe it's about time. ]
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[john has to think about this for a second. kaz is taking this whole thing pretty well, too well. strained though their relationship may be, he thought maybe kaz might've yelled at him, cursed him, something.
then again, these were texts. maybe he was waiting to rip into him when he saw him? and why did miller want to come all the way out to meet him?]
I'm in spire 3, 701.
[it's more of a warning than an agreement. did he really want to climb all those stairs?]
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At least nothing that's shown itself so far. Snake is right to be suspicious about being offered something like this without any catch. ]
Christ. At this rate you are going to be the death of me.
[ A not-so-funny joke. Still, Kaz had already suggested he go to Big Boss, so he isn't going to back out from that now. ]
Stay put.
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The door'll be open for you. I'll be waiting.
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Whatever bad blood there is between them, he's going to have to forget about it until they find their way home. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but even Kaz has to admit that they're better off banding together against these gods.
The trip takes longer than it should, but he makes the hike and even works his way up those flights of stairs, his success mainly due to the presence of a railing he can cling to. By the time he makes it to Snake's door, he's short of breath and looking haggard. He leans against the door frame and closes his eyes. ]
Would it have been so hard to pick a room on the ground level?
[ He's not entirely sure where Big Boss is in the apartment, but he speaks loud enough to be heard. ]
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after all, kaz could just nix the whole thing. stick to his guns, be stubborn, make things difficult. neither of them need that right now.
but then he hears the uneven gait drifting up the stairs and knows the sound can only belong to one person. by the time kaz is at the seventh floor, john disappears into the kitchen and comes back out with a glass of water.]
It's too much to keep an eye on.
[he puts the glass on a table near the couch, stands there waiting for kaz to come inside. it's john's way of giving him one final out. after all, he forced himself up seven flights of stairs. if he really is serious about burying this thing between them (even temporarily), a few more steps to the couch will seal the deal.]
If I knew you were coming, I would've.
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Big Boss wanders out holding a cup of water, looking as if nothing ever happened. Kaz remains where he is for a few seconds and simply stares, tracks every motion, registers every shift in Snake's voice. He, of all people, would be able to pick out a fake, and this isn't that. ]
You could move.
[ But he won't, Kaz knows. Too paranoid for that kind of thing.
A few more seconds and he finally pushes off of the door frame, leaning on his cane as he makes his way to the couch and then falls onto it. Snake's couch, in Snake's apartment. They may be temporary lodgings, but this is a symbolic move and he's going to have to explain himself.
Frowning, he reaches out for the water, downs about half the glass in one go, and then sets it down again.
At which point he look Big Boss right in the face, and blurts out: ] What the hell were you thinking?
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[because as much as john is a believer that no soldier should let an injury hamper them, he can't say he'd have a better time climbing those stairs were he in kaz's place. and if they're going to be working together, they should at least be in the same spire.
plus, you know, he had grown so used to living in a place surrounded by other people that living up on the seventh floor in the spire just didn't feel right. unfortunately, they were the only rooms that were one bedroom. small, easy to fend off anything that might attack him.
anyway. he gives kaz a moment to collect himself, shuts the door to the place so no prying ears could drop in. he's headed back to where his friend is sitting when he gets hit with that question.]
What do you mean?
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With an annoyed grunt, Kaz flips open his coat and pulls out first Big Boss' knife, in the sheath, which he tosses onto the table. Next is his gun, which he sets down with a little more care. ]
Don't play dumb, Snake. [ He looks up as Big Boss walks back over, his mouth tight and his brow knit above his aviators. ] Kerrigan told me that the coffin had been slashed open. What happened to you wasn't some accident.
[ It's not like either of them could have helped that helicopter crash, but this had been deliberate. Kaz would have thought that after spending nine years in a coma, Snake would have been a little more cautious. So much for that. ]
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when his weapons are placed on the table, he regards them like long, lost friends. the knife is relatively new compared to the m1911, which is close to 20 years old. a present from the same person who had given him their prized triumph motorcycle.
it's easier to think about the knife and the gun than kaz's accusation. mechanically, he secures the knife to belt, movements second-nature. the gun he gives a cursory glance over, flashing a glance the blond's way before:]
Pain gets the better of us all.
[it's all he offers in the way of explanations before he draws the slide of the pistol back, ejects the round in the chamber to make sure everything's still in working condition. that he's still in working condition.]
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(At one point, he'd found it enduring. That a man could treat tools of destruction like precious mementos.)
That answer, though, completely blindsides him. Pain gets the better of us all. It's not often that Big Boss admits to anything emotional about himself, let alone being in pain. Kaz can guess that being stuck in that coffin had been hellish, but is it really in Snake's personality to try and find some other way out?
He has to wonder if it had reminded him of the AI pod.
Kaz bows his head and clenches his jaw, filled with anger for reasons he can't quite explain. ] If you'd just waited, you would have been fine. [ As far as Kaz is aware, everyone else had survived the ordeal, though it's always possible someone had been missed. Still, he'd facilitated the majority of those buried being saved, and that's something he can take pride in. ]
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the whole of whatever john was thinking in that coffin was between him and that pine box, but kaz isn't about to be lied to. or brushed off. he's too smart and he knows big boss better than the man himself wants to admit.]
I couldn't. [it's the truth and it's not, all at once. he's not going to start pouring out whatever races into his head just to fill the gap between them. if kaz wants answers, he'll have to ask, or yell, the right questions.]
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Kaz lifts said hand to rub at his eyes behind his sunglasses, displacing them for only a moment before they fall back into position. ]
What if the rumors had been wrong, and Hope hadn't been able to bring you back? You would have been fine with dying, just like that? In some random cave located who-knows-where?
[ No matter which way Kaz looks at it, this had been a dumb move on Big Boss' part. Maybe he'd really been that desperate to end it all in that moment, but it still strikes him as an unexpected sign of weakness. ]
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and the irrational part of his brain, the part that had done all the thinking for him down there, told him that no one would come for him.] Yeah. There's contingency plans in place for if I die or disappear, so it doesn't matter if I had.
[ocelot and venom would've picked up his slack. outer heaven would have still happened. there world would've continued spinning without him.]
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Are you capable of not thinking about your "grand plan" for a second? [ It might seem hypocritical coming from someone like Kaz, who always has the finish line in mind, but at least he also has some emotional intelligence. (Maybe too much of it, according to some.)
He shakes his head vehemently. ] It's not about that. Did you stop and think about the people who would grieve your death? Not because of any foiled plans, but because they valued you as a person? [ Kaz isn't talking about himself, of course. That ship has sailed. But people such as Ocelot would have been deeply affected by Big Boss' death. Not that Kaz really cares what Ocelot's put through, either. It's the principle of the matter. ]
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and, if he's being honest with himself, john's the only one who has a problem letting go.] Who, exactly? You wouldn't. [because kaz had made it clear that, even if they worked together here in the cave, they would never be what they were before. no matter what he said or explained, they were done.] My men have probably already sent word to Ocelot that I'm gone.
[and if ocelot mourned his disappearance, it wouldn't be in the normal way that normal people might. at least, john thought so. when he made off into the night in 1971, after leaving the patriots, ocelot had only buried his head into his own work.] All that's left for me is Outer Heaven and stopping Zero.
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Snake doesn't hesitate to call him out on the fact that he isn't supposed to care anymore, that his death shouldn't mean a goddamn thing. That he should have been celebrating the news, and should have cursed Hope when Snake ended up being resurrected.
If only it was that easy to bury all those old feelings.
Kaz finds his gaze falling to his lap, and he stays quite for far too long before he remembers he's got to say something. ] Sounds like a pretty lonely life. All that's left for me now is getting revenge. [ Everything good they built had been burned to the ground, scattered to the sea. Kaz had thought he was the only one who'd really been crippled by what happened, but maybe it had been unfair of him to assume that. ]
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then again, he wasn't the one who had been around kaz in his day-to-day on the new motherbase. at this point, venom probably knew the man better than he did. either way, it feels like he's missing something.
it's almost he's torn up about snake accusing him of not caring.] It doesn't...have to be like that here.
[here, there wasn't any cipher for miller to hound after. here, there wasn't the ever present threat of zero's unification of the world in the back of john's mind. here, they just had to survive to the next day and keep trying to escape.] We can put that on hold. [john misses his friend.]
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Kaz can't help but wonder why he's so desperate to get back when all that's waiting for him is a long, bloody road to hell, but it isn't something he can simply abandon either.
Putting it on hold is more or less how he'd wanted to describe it, so it kind of feels like Snake's unintentionally stolen his thunder. Kaz twists his mouth as he looks at him, still not able to put into words how he feels about this man. ]
It's the logical thing to do. We already know what we can accomplish together, and right now, we want the same thing. [ The implication being that that's not the case back home. Kaz shakes his head back and forth twice, quickly. ] But this doesn't change anything when we get back, just so we're clear. [ That may be a lie, but for now, Kaz has to tell it. ]
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miller's reason for actually coming up was plain from the moment he suggested he bring john's weapons, but actually following through with it? he was serious.
and to think, boss had been ready to accept the blame for everything. not that he actually believe it was his fault, but he knew that would be what kaz wanted to hear. if it prevented his old friend from being out of his realm of influence and under someone else's, john would bend a knee to whatever ridiculous request miller could think of.]
Fine. [is all he says. he doesn't extend his hand forward to shake on it or does any other informal, acceptance gestures. no matter what, this is a step in the right direction. big boss was patient, after all.] You didn't have to climb seven flights of stairs to tell me that. [what he actually means is, you didn't need to see me.]
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This is what he'd always wanted, what he'd yearned for during those nine long years. Now that he has it, the whole thing is pretty anticlimactic. An example of too little, too late.
Big Boss' remark causes him to shrug his one good shoulder and shake his head. ] No, but after that stunt you pulled, I needed to see you. [ A pause, during which he looks away, and he adds: ] I saw your corpse.
[ As far as he's concerned, that should explain it. But then his head whips back up to Big Boss, voice full of that passion he's so well-known for. ] And my first condition as your sub-commander is that you never pull a stunt like that again. [ Idiot. ]
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