issue #5 | video

[survivorsguilt]

[She's put this off for like a week, thinking it was best to not incite anger, or to bring attention to herself, but it just keeps coming back to bother her. Ellie can't let it go.

The sweater she's sporting perhaps isn't the best thing to be taken seriously in (thanks, evil trees laden with fun shirts!) but anyone who knows Ellie will recognise that fire in her eyes. She's dead serious.]

You know, you can direct all the righteous anger you want to at the gods, and that's fucking fine, I get it even, but have you considered that spending less time arguing with them and more time working towards solutions to all this shit is probably a good idea? Fuck.

It seems like some of you are just totally fine with them dying, and I- you- [Maybe she should have planned this out better. Distress seeps into her voice, and she chokes up a little, but presses on.] I mean, don't you get it? There are people here who aren't even alive back home. A lot of them. If this place goes up in flames, if they gods die, they go nowhere. I'm not letting that happen.

And to this fucking lying scumbag, whoever you are? If you are one of us- I'll find you.

[That didn't go as smoothly or sound as eloquent as she'd hoped for. Ellie switches the video off with more force than is probably necessary.

Incredibly, she doesn't feel much better.]

Comments

video

[armcollector]

[Oh, gods. And not those ones.

Magnus sighs, like he really, really does not want to get into this, not with her, not with someone he really cares about. With someone he can't just not care about if they hate him.

He gets it. He honestly does get what she's trying to say. And he can see that she's coming at this with her heart more than anything. But...]

Angel... Okay, I love you, I honestly do. You're one of the best people that has ever stabbed me. The best, actually, I'd put you at the top of that list.

[Deep breath in, deep breath out.]

But I think you're jumping to conclusions about what'll happen if they, you know... die.

video; i love death and dying

[survivorsguilt]

[She lights up a little when she sees his face; relaxes without even realizing it. Because it's Magnus. The Hammer. Big Buff Ham Man. He's good, and kind, he'll know what's right. She trusts that. That's why she fights the nausea rising in her stomach as he begins to reply.

Only he finishes, and it's not good, or right, and he's not siding with her. Ellie tries not to breath too hard, or jump to conclusions. Maybe he's just- maybe he just knows something she doesn't, right?]

What do you- what do you mean? They run this place, right? If Hope isn't here, then they... right?

[I love you, he said, as easily as if he's not only the second person to tell her that in her entire life. As if she doesn't feel like the floor is about to come apart under her feet.]

[voice]

[circumitus]

[Ellie, this is why Rey likes you. You get it.]

That's not a very popular perspective...

But agree with you. Some here aren't better off going home when they have no lives to return to. [There's a reason why she told Delight to stop trying to find a way.]

That said, am hardly the biggest fan of the gods. Would rather we be dropped somewhere hospitable so we can sustain ourselves without relying on them for the shit we need to survive. Because if they die, it's pretty obvious that so do our resources, and a cave on its own isn't a very promising place for survival.

[She saw that when the city split in halves. Without the gods there to manage the things they sustain, it withered and died or became useless.]

[voice]

[survivorsguilt]

[After the disaster conversation with Magnus, she's incredibly relieved to hear Rey agree with her.]

Honestly, I'm... kind of worried that leaving the cave would kill the people who are dead back home. Do we have any proof that's not the case?

[She shrugs, and sighs.]

If they'd be okay, that sounds like the perfect situation, honestly.

Video; Private

[knifecollecting]

[Oh, Ellie, you're breaking her heart. Almost. She didn't mean to make it so hard on the teenager.]

If this is about me, it's okay.

Video; Private

[survivorsguilt]

[Ellie, if anything, looks a little aggravated by Jo's response.]

It's not okay. Stop saying that.

[Video][Private]

[drabsolutelynot]

Ellie, please be careful. I worry that issuing a threat to this person, whoever they are, might put you at risk. We have no idea who they are or how powerful they might me.

[Video][Private]

[survivorsguilt]

Don't worry so much, okay? I can take care of myself. Besides, what can they do here? Kill me?

[She gives him a look, referring to Hope's resurrections.]

voice;

[multivitamins]

[ Eddie is trying to keep up with everything that's going on, really. He's even managed to find the voice option, so right now he's as incredulous as he sounds.]

Wait a minute, there are people here fine with other people here dying??

[ Come on, monsters are bad enough....]

[survivorsguilt]

[She shakes her head, suddenly aware of how this post might be confusing for newbies.]

Not exactly. Uh. Kind of? I was talking about the gods. Some of the people here think they deserve to be killed, and it's not that I don't understand that, but like- it might fuck us over, especially the people who are dead back home. Right?

video;

[braveoff]

[ As someone dead, whose best friend is here and dead too, Ellie's rant hits a few buttons. Drake does intend to just. Stay here, as long as they can, or until they're told they can go somewhere else and be not dead. Because he doesn't know what happens when you die but he doesn't remember an afterlife, and he's not a gambler. Hadriel's not safe, not pleasant, but he exists in it. So he's leaning towards the gods' side too.

He wants to thank the girl, but has only just started telling people the truth, so. He doesn't bring it up. He focuses instead on the lying scumbag comment, because he doesn't understand what that's about and sounds like she could be putting herself in danger. ]

Who is it you're finding?

[survivorsguilt]

[She sighs in obvious frustration, and her hands curl and uncurl together; it's a nervous tic.]

Don't know yet. That's the problem. Could be human, monster- literally anything.

Oh, you mean- right. Someone has been feeding the Null information. Probably. The Null are those creepy assholes without emotions trying to kill the gods.

video.

[kidpocalypse]

[You don't even have to know the girl to realize that she's serious. The look on her face reminds him a little of one of his old teammates. It's hard to picture Laura swearing like that, or getting that noisily angry, but it's easy to see an echo of all her determination in the face on the screen.]

What kind of solution do you have in mind?

[Asking that seems more constructive than trying to guess what the rest of the story is.]

[survivorsguilt]

[She shoves her hair back out of her face, feeling grateful that someone seems to be immediately taking her seriously. And hey! Another kid! Thank god. This place has always been too full of condescending adults. (Even if most of them are well meaning.)]

I know this sounds like a total question dodge, but it's too big a problem for me to work out on my own. That's kinda why it's so important people pull their heads outta their asses. Maybe if we were all, I don't know, collectively channeling our powers into the right gods at the right times we wouldn't need to worry about the Null. Like imagine everyone in the city powering Fear at the same time. Shit, I bet he could move us so far away they'd never find us again.

[She doesn't, in fact, know any of this for sure.]

Video

[outofthefire]

[Laura is brand new and knows nothing about the gods, the Null, and everything that's been going on, so she's more than a little confused by all of this]

Back up a little. Who are you looking for and why?

[survivorsguilt]

[Ellie, already impatient and annoyed, is probably not her best bet for solid answers. All the same, she knows how it feels to arrive and be totally confused and out of your depth, so she doesn't totally brush Laura off.]

One of the gods told us there's probably a mole in our midst. Someone working against us. They seemed super sure.

video;

[theflea]

[ Bear with Eleven if you can, this is the very first time she's seen a cell phone, let alone used one to video chat with! And forgiver her for giving you a close up of her ear as she holds the phone up.

At first, she thought that only she could see and hear the girl on the screen. She felt extremely concerned, sad even, at what she was hearing, even more so when she felt helpless to do anything about it. She might have confused what she understood the message to be about.

Fiddling with the buttons until she was able to open a channel in which to respond with. ]

I can... Find them

[survivorsguilt]

[It confuses Ellie a great deal to begin with, until she realises it must just be someone like her. Someone who has never used a video chat before arriving in Hadriel. Walkie talkies are one thing, this is certainly just... something else all together. She gets that.]

Hey, I can see you too, you know. Look.

[She waves, hoping Eleven will pull the phone away from her ear and realize the video is two-way.]

What do you mean? You wanna help?

video;

[hasitsthorns]

As one of the people that would die if I was sent home, thanks. I appreciate someone else sticking up for us.

We'll find whoever it is ratting us out. I'll help you however I can.

video;

[survivorsguilt]

It's... don't mention it.

[Another one. Even if Ellie isn't super familiar with her, it's not as though she hasn't seen Rose's face around on the network. She doesn't deserve this either.]

Thanks. I think our first step should probably be figuring out how they're communicating with the Null at all. Maybe someone has a power that helps them to- or maybe they're using something in the city. Either way.

[She frowns.]

Then again, if they're just privately messaging the Null on their posts... Fuck. Maybe we need to check phones. There's no way everyone would agree to that.

action, if that's ok

[quacked]

[ Duck stares at his phone for a few moments after watching Ellie's video. A rush of affection for his friend burns in his chest as he remembers the private text conversation he'd had with her a little while back.

Instead of replying to the video, he puts his cellphone back in pocket, grabs his bag, and leaves his house, heading straight for Ellie's place. He doesn't knock before charging inside, looking around for her. ] Smelly Ellie? You here?

of course!!

[survivorsguilt]

[Anyone but Duck would be getting a mouthful for barging in like that. Instead, Ellie just feels glad he's comfortable enough to do so.

She shouts back from her room, where she's slumped over the bed and glowering; ]

Yeah. Come on up!

video

[am_i_a_monster]

Did you die where you're from?

[survivorsguilt]

No, just- other people.

[Important people.]

Probably way more than I even know about.

(Video)

[stonebird]

I would not say they go nowhere. I think that is dependent on their world. (She likes to think there is an afterlife for the sake of her poor family.)

[survivorsguilt]

[Ellie grows less angry and more somber at this response. She remembers a conversation from what feels like long, long ago.]

Maybe. I don't know. I'm pretty sure when people are gone, they're just gone.