first spell [video]

[pocketspa]

[The camera opens on two people, sitting shoulder to shoulder and addressing the camera head-on. Or, well... one elf and a skeleton. Taako’s face is wide in a grin, seemingly intent on emoting well enough for the two of them, and they simultaneously move to flip some hair from their faces- or well, Lup would, if she had any. The motion is still recognizable enough as they address the network.]

Helloooo, Hadriel!

[For those who remember Stepford, it might be very reminiscent of their tv show, Lup’s voice coming through loud and clear to make herself a little more recognizable.]

You’re on with the twins, and today, we have a suuuuper important thing we need you to settle.

Bee-tee-dubs, we wouldn’t even need to bother with this if my dear brother could get over himself.

[Taako gives her a look, before re-addressing the camera.] Anyway, so there’s like, transmutation magic, which is awesome and rad, and then there’s evocation, which just like, does elemental stuff or whatever, and is super lame. So if you were gonna pick one--

Yeah, no. [And Lup raises a hand to prove her point, summoning fire instantly to her skeletal palm.] Deffo cooler than anything that comes out of his specialization. Trust me, fam.

[Without even a response, a translucent, spectral hand appears behind Taako, and moving in tandem with his hand, floats into the frame and smacks Lup upside the head before disappearing.]

I can literally turn into anything I want, whenever I want. I can fly, my dude. I could be a shark.

Holy shit, Taako. Give up the shark thing. No one cares about sharks! I’m not trying to crush your game or anything, but pick a better animal.

It’s a fucking shark! What is there not to-- no, you know what, stand back, this is gonna be amazing. [He is, in fact, backing up to give himself some space with the intent to actually do it, tossing his pointy wizard hat to the side in preparation.]

And there he goes again. [Lup could not possibly sound less excited if she tried.]

Check. It. Out. [Taako winks towards the camera, hands on his hips, and then extends his arms, starting to emanate a strange sort of glow. But just before their audience can catch sight of what supremely awesome magic Taako is about to throw down, the camera shifts, pulled to a close up on Lup’s skeletal face. She tilts her head, as if smiling, effectively blocking Taako’s transformation from being seen.]

Y'know, I don’t think I’ve ever looked so good.

[Behind her, a loud and rather angry roar can be heard, that still kind of sounds a little like Taako. The voice that follows is much rougher than his normal tone, because it’s hard to make animal vocal chords try and speak, okay.]

LUP WHAT THE FUCK--

[It’s accompanied by what sounds like some thrashing, and then absolutely the sound of something in their room shattering to the floor. Lup somehow manages to ignore the chaos behind her completely, throwing up a skeletal peace sign before the connection cuts.]

[ooc: Taako is blue, Lup is red, both of them are purple! Specify if you want one or the other because the default is both with a three-way thread!]

Comments

[restinglichface]

[Even with no eyes to begin with, Lup's head angles back in the perfect imitation of rolling her eyes.]

Yeah, no offense taken. Sooo, you're taking time out of your busy day to call in and say you hate everything? That it?

[murderpotato]

Hey, you were the one solicitin' some fuckin' opinions. Don't be fuckin' pissy when you get 'em.

[He's just of the opinion that both of you suck. Sorry.]

And if your magic bullshit gave you that fuckin' mug? Hard pass.

[Y e a h, no thanks to the grim reaper vibe going on there.]

[pocketspa]

Uh, yeah, opinions about how great we are.

[He does let out a snicker when Gren kinda roasts Lup, though, grinning her direction.]

See, that's what happens when you go over the top with magic. Me, I think I'm existin' in a good spot.

[murderpotato]

You're existin' in a fuckin' stupid spot. She's still right, pick a better fuckin' animal than a shark. You're on fuckin' land, somebody's just gonna make soup outta your dumb ass.

[If you guys are waiting for him to tell you how great you are, don't hold your breath.]

[restinglichface]

How many times do I have to say it? This--[she points up at her skeleton face] Necromancy. My fire's got nothing to do with my face.

--But, just a reminder, this spooky face doesn't impede my movements, like, I dunno, a fucking shark on land. [It's okay, Gren, she's still going to try.]

[murderpotato]

Yeah, fine, whatever, some other bullshit turned you into the cryptkeeper. So why ain't you asked that chucklefuck over there to transfigure your mug into somethin' that'll get you laid?

[Still not really convincing him there, Lup.]

[pocketspa]

[At this point, Taako's just laughing, because holy hell this guy's fast on the uptake.]

It doesn't need to be a shark, my dude. But she totally needs to be a skeleton. At least I get to go back to being gorgeous at the end of the day.

[restinglichface]

[Gren, you may just wake up tomorrow morning with a lich hovering over your bed. Just sayin'.]

Oh shut up, dingus. [The woman holds up a palm and instantly summons flames to her hand, thrusting the fire right under her brother's nose. Watch your hair, hun.]

Hey, sometimes you gotta trade being pretty for immeasurable power and immortality. Seems like a pretty sweet choice to me. I'm above all that mortal shit now.

whoops

[murderpotato]

[What Gren lacks in formal education, he makes up for in his ability to be an asshole at everyone he meets. It's not a great talent, but it's what he's got.]

So, what, you're tellin' me you ain't good enough to hoodoo her fuckin' face into somethin' that's got like skin and shit on it? It don't even got to be pretty, she could look like the fuckin' ass-end of Rodney Dangerfield and it'd be an improvement.

[And as for you, thin lady Dangerfield...]

Yeah, you're fuckin' way above that mortal shit while you're sittin' here gettin' into a dick-measurin' contest about whose magic is the shiniest or whatever.

ya good fam

[pocketspa]

[He shrieks just a bit as fire comes much much too close to his face, wrenching his neck back in a completely ungraceful motion. Thankfully, he's unhurt, and he still has time to roll his eyes at Gren's question.]

Alright, bubbleh, let's make one thing clear. I can make most things into most other things. Here's the problem with my dear sister.

[He just thrusts his arm sideways, hand and forearm ending up somewhere in her shoulder and torso. It goes through with no resistence before he pulls it back out.]

Fuck am I supposed to do with that, you feel? Besides, she's into it, so what do I give a shit.

[murderpotato]

Huh.

[Welp, that sure is an incorporeal skeleton lady. Yeah, there's not a whole lot that you can do with that shit, on account of there not being any shit to do anything with. He feels you, Taako.]

I guess if she's fuckin' into it, have at it Hoss or whatever. Fuck, I'm too old for this ghost shit.

[restinglichface]

[Hey, don't feel Lup's brother without permission, Gren.

Lup, on her end, has no outward reaction to getting her twin's arm shoved straight through her body, her same unmoving, skeletal smile stuck in place. The woman shrugs, completely unperturbed.]

Just to be clear though, my metaphorical magic dick is waaaay bigger.

[pocketspa]

[He rolls his eyes, gesturing towards Lup again like 'you see what I'm working with here'. You get him, Gren. You get him.]

You don't even-- you're a fucking magic ghost! Shut up!

[Okay so it's not his strongest defense.]

[murderpotato]

...You're really fuckin' losin' this dick-swingin' contest, kid.

[And that's, like, probably embarrassing for you, Taako? Should he be embarrassed for you right now? He's getting the impression that he should be embarrassed for you.]

And you're losin' to your skeleton ghost sister. That's a fuckin' new one, I think.

[Gren remains entirely too old for this shit.]

[restinglichface]

[Oh, god yes, Taako should be completely embarrassed. ]

New for you, but not for him. [Lup lifts a hand to give her brother a condensing pat on the head.] Taako's always coming up short next to my wicked awesome self.

[pocketspa]

[He smacks back her hand, or tries to, even though it just goes right through her. Ugh. Liches.]

I'm not the one who went through ritual sacrifice with my fuckin' boyfriend to turn myself inside out, alright? I could use evocation, but it's easy. You're basic.

[Oh, he went there.]

[murderpotato]

[Okay, so this is happening right now. This is happening and it looks like free entertainment, so Gren's going to allow it. Go ahead, boys and girls, start this petty bullshit.]

So you caspered your ass with your boyfriend? What, is this people's fuckin' idea of date night now?

[restinglichface]

[Oh hun, the petty bullshit will continue on all fucking night.]

What, didn't you know? Nothing says romantic quite like necromantic.

[murderpotato]

[Shit. Shit, now the question's in his head and he has to ask it. It's there and he has to know.]

...Can ghosts fuck?

[A great question for the ages.]

[pocketspa]

[Taako immediately makes the worst face ever seen. He looks like he might throw up.]

Number one, what the fuck. Number two, do you really think I wanna know the logistics of my sister fucking her boyfriend as a skeleton ghost. And number three, no.

[restinglichface]

[Taako speaks at the exact same time Lup does, only her answer is significantly shorter.]

Yes, absolutely.

[murderpotato]

But... just fuckin' how?

[Seriously, you're blowing his fucking mind here. He absolutely wants to know the logistics of fucking your ghost skeleton boyfriend.]

You're ghost skeletons, what the fuck do you do, just fuckin' clack yourselves together? Does it sound like those fuckin' wind chime things in a fuckin' hurricane?

[Taako, your sister is a dirty skeleton fucker.]

[pocketspa]

No! It doesn't fuckin' happen! This conversation is banned!

[He ineffectively tries to wave Lup away from the camera, 100% Not Wanting To Hear This, God Help Him.]

[restinglichface]

[It honestly doesn't matter if Lup is completely bullshitting them or not at this point. Either way, this is a straight up victory for her just because of the looks on their faces.

There's just no way she isn't laughing after Gren's way too descriptive questions ruining her brother's life.] Oh yeah, it's just like that. We cast our robes aside, oil up these ol' bones, and really go to town.

Pretty noisy though, but we weren't exactly quiet when we were alive either, so...

[murderpotato]

[Gren is just completely ignoring Taako right now.]

Is lube the only thing you're allowed to touch on this mortal fuckin' plane or whatever? Because that's a weird fuckin' rule. Should I be worried about that? Lubed-up fuckin' ghosts comin' out of the walls, drippin' on my carpet?

[This conversation took a dive straight into weird shit and just never surfaced. They're just bravely forging onward into the eldritch depths.]