[For the first time in Hadriel History, Taako is appearing on the main feed without his sister. He actually looks a little bit serious, seemingly sat down at a desk with his fingers laced in front of his face like some fantasy Gendo Ikari. Without the glasses it kind of loses the effect, but hey, what can ya do.]

So, listen. There's been like, a toooon of posts lately about like, magic, and learning it. And don't get me wrong, I'm sure there's other people that know magic here. But if this is where we're goin'... wouldn't you rather learn from the master?

[He shoves his chair back from the desk and opens his hands by his face, giving them a shake as the words Taako's Awesome School Of Magic appear over his head in sparkly bubble font.]

Not to flaunt my resume or anything, but uhh, I've been bomb ass fantastic at magic for over a hundo years, I'm a transmutation expert, and, oh yeah--, I already have my first student who can speak to my incredible teaching style.

[Just because he's really showing the fuck off, a spectral hand appears in the air by him and floats offscreen, only to return about a second later with another network device. It presses a button and the voice of a certain boy detective can be heard through the playback.]

Taako is a good teacher, and I've really learned a lot from him, magically speaking! If he threatens to utterly destroy you should you ever surpass him in magical ability, that just means he thinks you're making good progress. Probably.

[It very abruptly cuts there as the magic hand disappears, the device falling into Taako's open palm.]

Really, it's a no-brainer here. You could go with somebody who wants to teach you some light tricks- don't get me wrong, you gotta start somewhere- but take it from the guy who can teach you how to be a t-rex, there are sooooo many better magical tutors out there.

[He looks very, very smug.]

Make room for chaboy, Hadriel, that's T double A to the K-O, because I'm the knockout you need.

[A wink.]

So call me.

pocketspa

[When the camera turns on, it’s obvious this is not a coordinated message. The whole picture is blurry, bits of light hair and dark skin coming in and out of frame, along with a lot of shuffling as the camera is passed around and laughter can be heard off screen. Finally, it focuses in on what appears to be Taako and Lup… definitively on top of one of the god’s temples. This is the third day of a party bender, but somehow, they still only look messed up in all the right ways.

The camera is now being held steady and a bit away from them, thanks to some useful magic, especially from the way Taako is swaying. With the phone so nearby, there’s really no reason for yelling, but watch them do it anyway. Lup cups a hand around her mouth and just shrieks.]

EAT MY WHOLE ASS, DELIGHT!

[This whole conversation seems like it’s going to be yelling, because Taako follows up very quickly, and at the absolute same volume.]

You see this?? We-- we threw the party of the year. The century. And nobody-- nobody needed those emotion-sucking liches’ help at all. We are fuckin’-- fuckin’ INCREDIBLE!

[Lup throws up an arm before she’s dropping it around her twin’s shoulders and dragging him in close.]

What he means to say is, fuck off! We declare ourselves the new Delight of Hadriel! The old one is out an’ we are so in.

[Taako staggers as he gets pulled in, but his face is red and he’s laughing, even if he has to hold onto her a bit for balance.]

WE’RE BETTER GODS! YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL GODS! FUCK OFF!

[Lup snorts, equally red-faced and totally trashed, before she’s laughing so hard her whole body shakes against his.]

GET DUNKED ON!

[Taako detangles himself from Lup some, approaching the camera in a way that looks like he’s trying to walk with a swagger, but it’s obvious he’s just absolutely wasted. He reaches for the phone, as if to turn it off, and… misses entirely, taking a step sideways to reconnect, and then just goes directly out of frame. There’s a smashing noise as he hits the side of the building and some muffled yelling as he just falls right off the damn thing. On the upside, he still sounds like he’s laughing, so he’s probably not dead or even unconscious even from his new position on the ground. Finally, he yells, his words barely able to be heard.]

Lup, the hat worked!

[And the video finally cuts.]

[ooc: taako is blue, lup is red, and we'll be responding with 3 way threads!]

pocketspa

[The camera opens up on two near identical elves, sitting shoulder to shoulder. If the denizens of Hadriel remember their last address on the network, this one seems rather tame in comparison (possibly because one of them isn’t a skeleton this time), but they’re still grinning wide. Then again, the last one didn’t start with absolute chaos either. The both of them slide their eyes towards each other, and then in tandem flip some bangs from their faces, grinning directly at the screen.]

Helloooo, Hadriel!

[That can’t be the start of anything good.]

You’re on with the twins, and today, we’re here to grace you with our expertise.

So as the most attractive people in the city, we get asked, uh, pretty much all the time to help out with people’s looks.

Most of y’all are basically hopeless, but we’re givers.

And because we’re, uh, basically the most generous people ever, today we’ve got a special event for the masses.

[Their eyes flick to each other once again before they both ring out in a singsong tone,]

SMASH OR PASS!

[Did that shatter someone’s device speakers? Probably.]

Rules are real simple. You comment. We rate. One to ten.

Couldn’t be easier. You clowns are real lucky to have us. You can come get your assigned hotness level and never have to wonder where you stand in the world ever again.

Also, scores are final. Unless you do some real good sucking up.

Ew, Taako. This is a family friendly broadcast. Keep it PG.

Not that kind, jeez. Sounds like you’re the one who’s thinkin’ about it.

Nope, nope, nope. Double yuck. Not even going there. Anyway, like, comment, and subscribe--

-- If you wanna see more primo twins content from the best duo in Hadriel.

[They both throw up peace signs, Taako sticking his tongue out to really cheese it, and the feed cuts.]

[ooc: Taako is blue, Lup is red, both of them are purple! Specify if you want one or the other because the default is both with a three-way thread! Also, please never think it's too late or too full to tag this. Please get in on the bullshit.]

evocation

Hey. Uh... I've never posted to the network before, huh? I'm Kyna.

[Kyna helpfully wiggles her fingers in a little wave. She's very clearly some kind of elf, with pointy ears and all.]

So, my magic's back, which is good, since a lot of things want to fucking kill us here. Anyway, I'm offering lessons or whatever. I'm an evocation wizard, which means I know a lot of spells that blow shit up, but I know defensive magic too, if that's your bag. No healing spells, though. Find a cleric for that.

Oh, yeah, this probably goes without saying but, you know, bloodthirsty assholes need not apply. If I've heard sketchy shit about you I'm not teaching you.

[She pauses for a moment, head tilting as she thinks.]

Yep, that's it. Let me know.

closerift

[ Guess who's back? Back again?? Etc., etc. ]

Hello, my fellow... cheerful... captives. After about a month of having no-bloody-idea who any of you lot are, I'm happy to report that Confusion's put me right, and so my memories have come back. Lots of gratitude there, obviously. It's an absolute nightmare to not remember how to do anything, in case you've never experienced it before.

So... yes. Memories are back, many thanks to Confusion, and I never did get to comment on our new home, did I? Listen - [ The Inquisitor shuffles a bit, the video skewing somewhat sideways. ] I've been here... over two years, and this is the first time we've had an actual sun. Comes with the whole leaving-the-caves situation, obviously, and while I'm glad for a bit of a change -

[ What was her point? Cecily pauses, then exhales roughly. ]

I've lost where I was going with that, so I'll just ask: what's edible and what isn't? More specifically, what here won't turn you into a maniac when you consume it?

knockthemdead

[When the video feed stutters into life, it should be immediately apparent to those who have been there before that Kravitz is standing outside of Hope's temple.

However, despite the (now) familiar surroundings, the reaper looks... lost.]

Is there anybody who could possibly, er... render me assistance? I'm a little... I'm unsure, uh, of where I might be. Or what has occurred.

[He sighs, and presses two fingers to his temple.]

Something is terribly wrong, I think.

01101110

[The following post is filtered away from... well, if your name is on this post, you're not going to see it.]

.

.

.

Connection has been established.

.

.

.

You have all been authorized. You will all receive an offer. You will all understand our offer.

.

We must allow ourselves to be sure of your intent. We must be wary. We must be diligent.

.

Working with us will ignite a war. You must be ready. You must be willing to weaken the parasites. You must work toward our goal.

.

Kill one of the following members of your community who have sided against us and with the parasites. Respond with evidence that you have followed instruction.

If you do this we will tell you where the god killer is.

.

.

Jo Harvelle
Ellie
Duck
Fingon
George Lass
Alphys
Chris Hartley
Hanako Nurumi
Seel har Parasiel
Will Solace
Gilbert Beilschmidt
Maglor
Cecily Trevelyan
Kate Galloway
Maedhros
Calanthe
Atem
Trafalgar Law
Lup Taaco
Aren Brosca
Rydia
Matt Murdock
Temperance Brennan
Terrence Ephemera
Lee Rosen
Margaery Tyrell
Julie Grigio
Kyna
Nathan Drake
Taako Taaco
Eddie Kasprak
Kain Highwind

.

If there is sufficient proof of others consorting with the parasites we will allow proof to be presented. We will allow their deaths to be utilized to demonstrate alliance with the Null. We will reveal the location of the god killer within your city.

pocketspa

[The camera opens on two people, sitting shoulder to shoulder and addressing the camera head-on. Or, well... one elf and a skeleton. Taako’s face is wide in a grin, seemingly intent on emoting well enough for the two of them, and they simultaneously move to flip some hair from their faces- or well, Lup would, if she had any. The motion is still recognizable enough as they address the network.]

Helloooo, Hadriel!

[For those who remember Stepford, it might be very reminiscent of their tv show, Lup’s voice coming through loud and clear to make herself a little more recognizable.]

You’re on with the twins, and today, we have a suuuuper important thing we need you to settle.

Bee-tee-dubs, we wouldn’t even need to bother with this if my dear brother could get over himself.

[Taako gives her a look, before re-addressing the camera.] Anyway, so there’s like, transmutation magic, which is awesome and rad, and then there’s evocation, which just like, does elemental stuff or whatever, and is super lame. So if you were gonna pick one--

Yeah, no. [And Lup raises a hand to prove her point, summoning fire instantly to her skeletal palm.] Deffo cooler than anything that comes out of his specialization. Trust me, fam.

[Without even a response, a translucent, spectral hand appears behind Taako, and moving in tandem with his hand, floats into the frame and smacks Lup upside the head before disappearing.]

I can literally turn into anything I want, whenever I want. I can fly, my dude. I could be a shark.

Holy shit, Taako. Give up the shark thing. No one cares about sharks! I’m not trying to crush your game or anything, but pick a better animal.

It’s a fucking shark! What is there not to-- no, you know what, stand back, this is gonna be amazing. [He is, in fact, backing up to give himself some space with the intent to actually do it, tossing his pointy wizard hat to the side in preparation.]

And there he goes again. [Lup could not possibly sound less excited if she tried.]

Check. It. Out. [Taako winks towards the camera, hands on his hips, and then extends his arms, starting to emanate a strange sort of glow. But just before their audience can catch sight of what supremely awesome magic Taako is about to throw down, the camera shifts, pulled to a close up on Lup’s skeletal face. She tilts her head, as if smiling, effectively blocking Taako’s transformation from being seen.]

Y'know, I don’t think I’ve ever looked so good.

[Behind her, a loud and rather angry roar can be heard, that still kind of sounds a little like Taako. The voice that follows is much rougher than his normal tone, because it’s hard to make animal vocal chords try and speak, okay.]

LUP WHAT THE FUCK--

[It’s accompanied by what sounds like some thrashing, and then absolutely the sound of something in their room shattering to the floor. Lup somehow manages to ignore the chaos behind her completely, throwing up a skeletal peace sign before the connection cuts.]

[ooc: Taako is blue, Lup is red, both of them are purple! Specify if you want one or the other because the default is both with a three-way thread!]

radiopalkiller

[ Philip arrives. He'd rather not have. Moreso, he didn't think weird alternative dimensions could get any less straightforward, and yet... ]

Show of hands if you remember Wonderland¹.

¹ The one where you get endless free drinks within immediate walking distance and all the nightmares of your world come to life to haunt you, while your own reflection laughs at you from a pocket dimension nearby.

(So, not the one from the books.)

PS.: About those endless free drinks. Do you have that feature here? If yes, where? If no, where's the latest group of dedicated heroes looking to find a way out of this place immediately if not sooner, because I'd like to join up.

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