first spell [video]

[pocketspa]

[The camera opens on two people, sitting shoulder to shoulder and addressing the camera head-on. Or, well... one elf and a skeleton. Taako’s face is wide in a grin, seemingly intent on emoting well enough for the two of them, and they simultaneously move to flip some hair from their faces- or well, Lup would, if she had any. The motion is still recognizable enough as they address the network.]

Helloooo, Hadriel!

[For those who remember Stepford, it might be very reminiscent of their tv show, Lup’s voice coming through loud and clear to make herself a little more recognizable.]

You’re on with the twins, and today, we have a suuuuper important thing we need you to settle.

Bee-tee-dubs, we wouldn’t even need to bother with this if my dear brother could get over himself.

[Taako gives her a look, before re-addressing the camera.] Anyway, so there’s like, transmutation magic, which is awesome and rad, and then there’s evocation, which just like, does elemental stuff or whatever, and is super lame. So if you were gonna pick one--

Yeah, no. [And Lup raises a hand to prove her point, summoning fire instantly to her skeletal palm.] Deffo cooler than anything that comes out of his specialization. Trust me, fam.

[Without even a response, a translucent, spectral hand appears behind Taako, and moving in tandem with his hand, floats into the frame and smacks Lup upside the head before disappearing.]

I can literally turn into anything I want, whenever I want. I can fly, my dude. I could be a shark.

Holy shit, Taako. Give up the shark thing. No one cares about sharks! I’m not trying to crush your game or anything, but pick a better animal.

It’s a fucking shark! What is there not to-- no, you know what, stand back, this is gonna be amazing. [He is, in fact, backing up to give himself some space with the intent to actually do it, tossing his pointy wizard hat to the side in preparation.]

And there he goes again. [Lup could not possibly sound less excited if she tried.]

Check. It. Out. [Taako winks towards the camera, hands on his hips, and then extends his arms, starting to emanate a strange sort of glow. But just before their audience can catch sight of what supremely awesome magic Taako is about to throw down, the camera shifts, pulled to a close up on Lup’s skeletal face. She tilts her head, as if smiling, effectively blocking Taako’s transformation from being seen.]

Y'know, I don’t think I’ve ever looked so good.

[Behind her, a loud and rather angry roar can be heard, that still kind of sounds a little like Taako. The voice that follows is much rougher than his normal tone, because it’s hard to make animal vocal chords try and speak, okay.]

LUP WHAT THE FUCK--

[It’s accompanied by what sounds like some thrashing, and then absolutely the sound of something in their room shattering to the floor. Lup somehow manages to ignore the chaos behind her completely, throwing up a skeletal peace sign before the connection cuts.]

[ooc: Taako is blue, Lup is red, both of them are purple! Specify if you want one or the other because the default is both with a three-way thread!]

Comments

[knockthemdead]

[Hm. This is a good place to slide back in, sipping his tea.]

Please feel free to continue this particular train of thought.

[restinglichface]

Alright, you wanna play this game, Taako? You wanna talk about how friggin' bad you have it for Skeletor over there? Let's hash it out.

[pocketspa]

Okay, woah, babe, you gotta give me some warning before you just drop in like that.

[DON'T DO THIS TO HIM, FUCK. Thankfully, dark skin is well hiding the hint of a blush on his cheekbones.]

Me saying he's physically attractive has nothing to do with feelings, you know that, puh-leeze.

[knockthemdead]

I apologize. I'll be sure to announce myself next time.

[He's definitely not laughing behind the mug. The mug that reads, "fabulous bitch".]

[restinglichface]

You sure about that, Taako? Cause I coulda swore you were just telling me how ready you were to get hitched and have a few elf babies.

[She's bullshitting completely, but look at that good poker face.]

[pocketspa]

[Taako has never looked so offended in his entire fucking life. If he had less self-control, he'd be blushing like mad. As it stands, though, he's a fucking professional, so he looks at Lup immediately.]

Don't you bring your fuckin' mpreg kinks into this. How dare you. On your own brother. I don't show up and project my sexual fantasies onto you and Barold, because if I wanted to bang myself, I could probably even do better than you. Don't even start with this.

[knockthemdead]

[Kravitz rapidly swallows a mouthful of hot tea and begins to choke like a fucking idiot. He doesn't even need to breathe and this whole sitch could be avoided by him just not trying to for a second, but he can't think straight right now what the fuck!!!]

hhhhaaaaggkrkk-

[that's all folks]

[restinglichface]

[Funny how the first time either of the twins really manage to tear themselves away from taunting each other, it's for Lup to turn just as Kravitz begins to choke on his tea. He sputters and she thrusts out a skeletal hand, pointing towards him on the screen on Taako's phone.]

Ha! Got 'em! Check that shit out, Taako. Your grim reaper beau is so sensitive. [And really, Taako's the one who opened that can of worms so it's not Lup's fault for what pops out of her mouth next, right?]

What's got you so red, Krav? Thinkin' a little too hard about knocking my bro up?

[pocketspa]

[Taako rolls his eyes, because at this point, Kravitz losing it publicly is an inconvenience. You're supposed to back him up, babe, how is he supposed to pull this two man cart solo.]

Oh my gods why are you like this. Listen, okay, let's get one thing straight here.

[He pauses, as if this is going to be some sort of revelation.

It's not.]

If anyone's getting ass pregnant, it is not me.

[knockthemdead]

[Still choking, Kravitz somehow manages to make a noise that is both indignant and betrayed. What the fuck, Taako? Don't turn this on him!!!!]

No one- [right, yes, remembering he can just stop breathing-] --no one is getting ass pregnant. For fucks sake, please, please do not let this conversation spiral down this path. I'm on the verge of hanging up. I'm right there. Finger on the button. Please.

[restinglichface]

[It's a good thing that Lup already died because this would be the absolute end of her otherwise.

There's just something about her brother casually tossing out the phrase 'ass pregnant' that just sends the lich into a fit of hysterical laughter, a hand raised up to her face beneath her hood, her incorporeal form hunched over as her shoulders shake and her entire body trembles under the force of her laugh. There's just no coming back from this. Everything is over. Goodbye, Hadriel. Lup is ascending to a whole new plan.]

Holy shit, I'm gonna hurl from laughing so hard! Stop it!

[pocketspa]

[Taako is absolutely not laughing. He has the widest smile of them all, perfectly confident, a man entirely in control of this conversation. It's full of teeth and certainly dangerous, almost predatory the way he tilts his head towards the camera and raises his eyebrows high.]

Oh i'unno about spiraling, babe. I think we're exactly where you wanna be. So tell me: what would you name our butt baby? Do you think you'd get weird cravings even though you're undead? I need to know everything.

[By the end of that sentence, he looks like he's just barely on the verge of bursting into laughter, voice shaking like he knows he's at the end of a really, really good gag. This is brilliant. This is perfect.

Kravitz might break up with him and honestly this joke may have been worth it.]

[knockthemdead]

[Kravitz opens his mouth as though he's about to answer, and then promptly hangs the fuck up.]