hadriel | 002; text

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002; text

hey guys when are we finally gonna name this planet? something COOL. because i got some good ones!

what if we call it "the extreme teen bi-ball"? for the two suns! or "spume"! i think spume is a pretty good one.

how do we vote on this? who's got ideas? if we get enough we could just use a different one every day. yknow keep it fresh!

[ anyway sorry, but merle is... here.

(i've come back from hiatus to say. 1. he icly forgot all about offering dance lessons probably within a week of doing it, and 2. if anyone wants/needs to discuss handwaving an old thread, my office hours are open.) ]

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theres nothing less fake than bi-balls OR spume thank you

bullshit and you know it
bi-ball is a pun dumbass
its got the dash and everything

but you dont think that this planet isn't an extreme teen

do you even read what you write or do you just trust other people will do it for you

i dunno i just do what i want
you guys DO read it though! joke's on you.

yeah because you send it directly fucking to me
or just do this shit so seven thousand other people get to take on the burden of being the one to follow you around with a bucket for your shit once in a while

anyway spume is better but only barely

[ merle, somewhere, is probably laughing. ]

you got crew privileges! who's gonna fail to heal you and send you weird shit if its not me???
and you know what the same goes for everyone here. whole city.

spume is good kid. i dont make the rules.

[Fight him in a ditch, dwarf man.]

gosh i cant even imagine
its almost like i could live without those things and not be in hell all the time

also you literally made that rule
right above this. in this post exactly
its RIGHT there

if i get my magic back i'm gonna levitate another chair and youre not gonna be invited

promises promises
hope you can figure out how to make the wind work too
or youre just gonna fly into the sun now
no cave ceiling to stop you
there goes merle highchurch
he died as he lived
doing something stupid

i wanted to save the big 69th for somethin special
but i mean if i gotta fly into a sun thats probably not the worst on the list
youre gonna be jealous i'm gonna do something really COOL and NOT die

wait
fucking stop
your next death is your 69th

youre fucking kidding me

merle what the fuck we have to do something

Edited (i can spell) 2018-02-09 04:57 (UTC)

what? are we planning that one out now?

a man only dies for the 69th time once, its special! id have pretty high standards!

[ AND THERE'S JUST NO WAY HE'LL EVER HIT 420. ]

thats why we have to PLAN it
cant just let it go by with some bullshit that could happen
come on
what have you always wanted to do but thought hey, this might kill me
fucking anything
we could set up a ritual sacrifice or something

ok so heres what im thinking
i ride a lawnmower to the liquor store like george jones, only i get to take it off a ramp.
and then maybe it just blows up

oh come on you can do better than it just blows up
wheres the pizzazz
lets get some proper pyrotechnics
maybe a dragon
do you think we could get one of those

can we bring garyl
i feel like i really bonded with him that one time
he can pull the death mower like a chariot!!

UH
YEAH
get him some power armor or like
a dress idk
really glitz it up
plus this time its not him dying so he will probably be less pissed
i mean not that he really dies
anyway
yes
100%
so much

i love that guy. i think these are some of the most important plans a person can make! special occasions!

[ merle, to his beloved friends and family: weird plant sex jokes probably
merle, about that one illusion steed: I Love Him And I Always Will.

anyway i cant believe merle is going to ruin this esteemed 69th death like a loser just for robots wtf. ]

[Excuse you he’s not ruining it he’s savoring it.]

pssssh yeah
new holiday
merle beefs it for the 69th time
bring the kids
sure a dudes gonna die but its gonna be so rad you wont even be sad about it
thats the ultimate goal

anyway yeah leave it to party planner taako
get some catering going itll be rad
whatre you feeling
are you a cake dude you seem like youd put your dick in a carrot cake
which i dont love
but whatevs its your day

[ i'm mad because honestly "so rad you won't even be sad about it" is probably legitimately merle's final death Goal. get that mourning shit outta there. sit on a whoopie cushion. laugh about that time he picked up a random leaf and ate it. ]

with friends like these who needs any other kinda party planner?
if we do carrot cake im gonna make a crown out of carrots
carrot king cake
magnus can carve one of those little babies to bake into it

[ Look. Does anyone know if they have fantasy king cakes in this lovingly crafted universe? Nobody can tell me otherwise. It doesn't even have to be mardi gras it just has to be

a tiny carved figurine of a baby with merle's beard and eyepatch

hidden in a cake

for someone to accidentally almost eat

we're voring baby merle for his big death day. ]

["The time", as if there was only one time Merle ate a random leaf. Please. Regardless, Taako is laughing so hard on the other end of this it’s getting hard to type through tears.]

oh my FUCKING GODS
PLEASE
you fuckin GOT it man
absolutely choice
we’ll blow up the baby in tandem with you
itll be perfect

blowing up the baby is an important metaphor!

[ THIS DEATH PARTY IS THE EQUIVALENT OF A DRIL TWEET. merle loves it. ]

i dont think its a metaphor so much as its a reinactment
because youre Also blowing up
maybe
well treat the baby with the same reverence you usually give your body so like
none
ss cool i got this all written down

blowing up sucks but ill take it for the spirit of freedom
die as you live! blowing up!

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