hadriel | 003; text

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003; text

okay gang time to get into a LITTLE philosophy with your pal professor merle. put your ass to the grass and talk this out. stay in school with me. don't be a loser!

now, hypothetically. in terms of this whole killer robots thing, since we can probably all agree they're assholes and they kinda make snags for us.

if you had a question you wanted to forward to one of the NORMAL killer robots who DOESN'T wanna be our friend, what's at the top of your list? assuming there's only time for like two questions before you get murdered, i mean. in the spirit of negotiation.

or heck, you know what? if you don't wanna think any up, save us all the trouble and just tell me what kinda VIBE you'd want a question to have. vibes are way easier. like cool teenager? hardboiled detective? big whiny baby? all that stuff.

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great
awesome
i dont do rush orders my dude
what kinda effort do you think im willing to go through here
how much time are you even giving me here

well how much time would you WANT?

i mean preferrably fucking all of it
get back from the end of the world and suddenly you wanna speedrun death

seriously why do this at all
what have the liches here ever done for you

ah i dunno i don't really give a shit about those guys. they seem okay sometimes but what have they ever done for us? buncha crap.

one way or the other SOMEONE'S gotta be our ticket out though right? don't bet it all on black. spread it around!

or something

something real eloquent

what you think these robot fuckers have a ship theyre just gonna give us?
take one look at your nipples in the sunset and go
oh fuck
gotta help that guy
with his sensual dadbod
like
really???

'sides
they tried real hard to kill us last time

[Came real close to getting him. Did kill Krav. Fuck 'em, as far as he's concerned.]

if getting killed put a dent in my parley mojo i definitely wouldnt have hung out with john so much

fine i won't try to seduce em to our side
ill tell them theyre dicks and move on
see if i cant snag an arm for maggie

look if they can get Us out
im not complaining
but it has to be like everyone we want yknow
best case scenario they give you that laser eye you wanted

"look guys we want out as much as you want us out but we can't do a damn hit list on each other to get there"
just bring it down a little yknow?
and throw in my laser eye for pain and suffering!!

yeah there we go
exactly
though wait
if they give you the eye and then kill you
and you get brought back by hope
do you lose it
because that would suck

aw WHAT. i didn't think about that!
i'm sick of gettin eyes and losing them
i got two when i was born and i lost one already!
they might as well take the wood arm too!!

see see
thats the catch
man
liches just suck
keep comin for your fuckin eyes
what IS it with that

anyway
tell them to fuck off or something
and dont die super hard

i think my eyes are just real tender. yeah. you know, it's the wisdom of a man of the cloth. the warmth of kenny chesney. the tenderness of a gardener. i reel the liches in with my zest for life.

betcha five coins they just zap my ass real fast. won't get any of that flair for the dramatic that im used to.

maybe they think if they take your eyes youll stop looking seductively at plants
but HAH
im in
youre gonna go in shirtless again right
please
please do that

i'm a man with habits! thats how i do these meetings. no shirt no problems. just peaceful negotiating.

great
just fantastic
tell me where youre gonna do it so i can be a fuckin mile out
at minimum
like full gonezo

challenge accepted

great alright then this convo is over too
o u t i e
dont wanna think about you shirtless longer than i have to

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