hadriel | Royal Whining

[Kelson looks miserable, he's depressed and whiny on good days, and with Sorrow's resurrection everything he's tried to hold back is overflowing again. His eyes bright with tears, Kelson's struggling not to shed. His crown is lying somewhere, it’s certainly not on his head right now, his black hair undone from it’s normal braid.]

God help me why wasn’t I paying attention? If I was really in control and really a king I would have noticed. I should have been able to prevent it all. But I didn’t. Why hadn’t I been more careful with Llewell? I didn’t think he’d hurt his own sister. I didn’t notice until she gasped and by then he’d already killed her.

And then he had the audacity to glare at me before the executioner cut his head off. He looked at me with such hated. Why did he look at me like that? I wasn’t the one who killed her! He committed sacrilegious murder in front of hundreds of witnesses. I don’t think I can get married in that church again without seeing her blood everywhere.

I’m so tired of killing in order to bring peace. I want to be able to create life, not death. But all too often all I’ve got is death.

[Kelson shook his head, fighting to keep the tears from falling, twisting a woman’s wedding ring on his little finger, the ring once stained with blood, no longer fit to go on another’s finger. It wasn’t a good ring, but he couldn’t let go either.]

I had to killed her father. He wouldn’t surrender, so I shot him. Right there, on his horse. I just cut him down like a dog.

I killed his other son too. I didn’t even allow him to see a priest before he died. I just ordered my sergeant to haul him up on the nearby tree. God knows he deserved it. I know he did, I saw and felt first hand what he'd had done to innocent people. But I was supposed to be better. I took oaths to temper justice with mercy, but I didn’t feel like being merciful. He hadn’t been.

A friend came after me and asked me if I enjoyed it. He actually had to ask me.

[Kelson takes a shaky breath, unsure whether he can go on and keep going but this last one. This was one was most recent and close and painful.]

Do you know what’s worst of all? I knew my cousin was arrogant, I knew he was childish and jealous and I didn’t do anything. I thought he’d grow out of it. That maybe with a little experience he’d grow into a good man. Now he’s not going to grow up at all.

I’m sorry for the wasted life and all the hurt and pain. I’m sorry I had to behead my own damn cousin. I’m sorry he died weeping and it took the executioner 3 strikes to finish it. I’m sorry he left two children behind, that will never know their father. I’m sorry I’ll never be able to see the man I hoped he’d grow up to be.

[He catches his breath, taking a few minutes to try and collect himself, still wracked with guilt. He’s almost surprised anyone’s let him go on this long, and tries some humor, trying to force himself back into good spirits. It’s not working.]

To make it worse, I’ve been stuck here and haven’t gone to Mass in ages. Bishop Duncan is going to have me saying Pater Nosters until I’m fifty.

Does anyone have a sedative? I think I’d like to sleep unencumbered by dreams.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No, not everyone. It's not something I want to...get around.

Yeah, I guess there'd be a huge crowd of people wanting your help if too many people knew, with the way this place makes us messed up.

Aren't you worried someone might be watching this?

People can watch?

[Kelson looked blankly, then he remembered the conversation he had with that boy and looked sheepish.]

I'm still getting a hang of this....[He tried to motion with the phone but it didn't exactly work.]

They didn't have phones where you're from? This isn't the same as my old phone, but it's close enough. I used it all the time. I used to spend so much time texting with my friend Marissa.

[She stops, eyes tearing up at the memory of finding her dead friend's body, and she stays quiet for a moment.]

I could probably help you with the phone.

No, they most definitely did not.

[Kelson smiles softly, it seems this is a good time for sorrows.]

Thank you. I would appreciate it. I did have someone show me some things. It....takes a while. I could use a refresher.

You do your friend honor by missing her.

I can do that. Any time.

[She drops her voice to a whisper.]

Even if I knew who killed her and I still loved him?

Love is not something you can control.

[It's Kelson's turn to whisper back.]

What..what if loving me or being loved by me, makes people kill?

I don't think it works that way. People love who they love, and they have control of what they do. Not the object of their affection. They may claim otherwise, but the only one who is responsible for their actions is them.

[Kelson set his face firm. It was an excuse, just like if someone did something horrific in the name of God. Their actions were their own. ]

Don't make yourself responsible for something that is not your fault.

[She looks away.]

There are other things that are my fault.

Then be responsible for those.

[She looks at him with mix of sadness and anger]

I want to!

[She takes a moment and composes herself.]

I don't know how to be responsible. I can't bring anyone back. I can't undo any of it.

[Kelson waits for her to compose herself, everyone seems to be distraught right now. ]

You can't change the past. You can only change your actions going forward.....I guess that's a lesson for me as much as it is for you.

Royal Whining

Re: video

video

Re: video

video

Re: video

video

Re: video

video

Re: video

video

Re: video

video

Re: video