hadriel | >> video.

[ He has no idea what the fuck is going on, but he knows he's never felt like this before. He's reflected on the things he regrets, of course, and he's been haunted by the choices he made in certain situations, but he carries on with the business of living well enough. He takes what he can get, what joy he can find, and he focuses on that.

So, what the fuck. ]

Anyone else feeling pretty shitty almost non-stop?

[ He has no shame in talking to people, why the hell not? He has nothing to hide in expressing his emotions, though that doesn't at all mean he's ready or willing to just confess all his sins to whoever the hell is listening right now. He's got some measure of control still. ]

I was a fucking asshole once. I get it. I know it.

But whatever this feeling is now - shit. It's this place, right? It's gotta be.

[ And he has this desperate, almost suffocating need to fix the terrible things he's done, but he can't. He's just paralyzed by this overwhelming feeling of being an irredeemable asshole. ]

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Fuck. [ Seriously. Fuck. He's feeling kind of the same way, so he gets it. ] You uh - you killed them?

[Abigail shakes her head. She's only killed Nicholas Boyle herself and tried to kill Alana.]

Not directly. My dad killed them. Eight girls and my mom.

Shit. I'm sorry, kid. That really fucking sucks.

[ He sort of winces to himself internally because he knows he could do better than just, That fucking sucks but it's just a hell of a thing. ]

I really am sorry. I don't know you, and everything that happened, but fuck - your dad killed them, not you. That's not your fault.

[She switches the video to private.]

But it is my fault. He killed those girls because they looked like me. He wanted to kill me, but I didn't want to die, so he killed look alikes instead.

[She looks down.]

If I let him kill me, those girls would still be alive.

The fuck? What kind of sick bastard...

[ It's safe to say that Damien is horrified beyond belief right now. ]

No. Fuck no. That's not on you, kid.

He was very sick.

[She shrugs.]

He cut my throat anyway. If I had let him do it sooner, things would have been different.

[ Ugh, well this is all kinds of disturbing and horrifying. ]

He killed you?

[ He feels a little sick to his stomach just imagining what happened to her. ]

He tried. He killed my mom first, then he cut my throat. When Hannibal and Will got there, they were in time to save me but not her.

[She looks away for a moment.]

If he had cut my throat first, my mom might have lived.

[ This is honestly just absolutely terrible, and he can't help thinking again about what a sick bastard her father was. ]

I'm sorry, kid. I'm really sorry. No one should have to go through that.

My mom definitely shouldn't have. I don't know about me though. I feel like I caused it, like I brought out the evil in him.

No. You didn't. He's responsible for the fucked up shit he did, not you.

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