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[dragonsgrasp]

Seeking redemption was my entire goal before I was brought to this place. But I've lost my path recently... I ought to set myself in the right direction again.

Since I've committed numerous atrocities in my past, it's only fair that I start, first, by revealing them all here and now. After that... I don't know what I'll do, but I'll have to figure out something.

1. I used to frequently beat up and bully the person who became my best friend.
2. I have had have had wrongful feelings toward my best friend's beloved.
3. I'm constantly jealous of my best friend, to the point where I often loathe him.
4. I tried to stab my best friend in the back.
5. I stole some crystals.
6. I threatened to kill a little girl.
7. I betrayed all of my friends by fighting against them.
8. I aided in the kidnapping of my best friend's beloved.
9. I purposefully skipped my best friend's wedding.
10. I still sometimes feel a deeply overwhelming moral conflict.
11. In the middle of an endless war, I knocked out and kidnapped several of my allies.
12. I failed the dragoons, my kingdom, and my family name in every way possible.
13. I once dressed like this: Open attached image.

I can surely keep going, but this may be enough of a start. Forgive me. I truly regret all that I've done.

Comments

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[unheeled]

what the hell kind of outfit

you actually went outside in that??

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[dragonsgrasp]

It was considered perfectly acceptable where I'm from.

Well.

All right, it was somewhat unusual, even for where I'm from. I'm not sure I have any good excuse for it.

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[unheeled]

admitting your mistake is a good first step

[She should know, she wore double denim once. Y i k e s.]

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[dragonsgrasp]

I thought so, as well. I've been so misguided, in the past... I suppose that's why I'm determined to stay with only wearing armor while out and about, for the most part.

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[stonebird]

I do not mean to pry, but are you certain you do not have feelings for your best friend? (It would explain a lot of his conduct.)

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[dragonsgrasp]

You're close, but it's not what you think. I hold no feelings for my best friend. Not like that. But his wife, on the other hand...

I'm so ashamed. It feels terribly shameful even writing this, and yet, I feel it's important that I admit to this sin.

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[am_i_a_monster]

Most of those aren't atrocities.

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[dragonsgrasp]

You see nothing wrong with turning traitor and trying to kill my allies and friends?

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[am_i_a_monster]

I think there is a difference between wrong and atrocity. Serial killing is an atrocity. Genocide is an atrocity. Men slitting their own wife and children's' throats is an atrocity.

An unsuccessful attempt at murder is not on that same level as atrocity.

Wrong comes in degrees. If you tried to kill them and didn't, then they still have a chance at life. It's not the same as actually taking a life.

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[dragonsgrasp]

Do you think so? Even if my intent at the time was murderous? Even if... some part of me even now sometimes wishes that I'd succeeded?

I guess ensuring that my friend and my... and his wife, both live the best lives possible is all I can do to make it up to them. A shame I'm not able to from here, though.

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[puzzlingly]

thats quite a thorough list friend

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[dragonsgrasp]

I thought it important that I hold nothing back. If I'm to be redeemed for all these atrocities... the first step is admitting to all of it.

Atem, I'm a terrible person.

text. ➝ video.

[puzzlingly]

youre not

「This won't do, so he changes his phone to video instead. 」

Kain, you're not a terrible person. I've seen into you far beyond anyone should be allowed to, I know what's in your heart, and this is not all that defines you.

video.

[dragonsgrasp]

[Kain looks even more pensive than usual, which is definitely saying something. The burden of guilt is weighing heavily upon him, even more than usual.]

Are you sure about that? You've surely seen the darkness that lurks within me, as well...

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[toiletseat_girl]

[holy shit, that is a list. it actually makes her feel somewhat better about her list which includes high points such as accidentally causing the deaths of hundreds of people in a freak exercise aid accident]

Well. At least you're trying to do something about it?

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[dragonsgrasp]

Trying being the operative word at the moment. I know that confessing to it all isn't nearly enough, and yet... I had to get it all off of my chest, first. I'm not even sure how to begin truly redeeming myself in action, though I know I must.

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[toiletseat_girl]

Well, I'm gonna assume that it's unlikely your friend or his girlfriend will show up. So maybe do nice things for people around here?

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[dragonsgrasp]

They certainly haven't appeared so far, and I've had similar doubts. She's also... technically, she's his wife by now.

Anyway, I could try that. I'm not very used to that sort of thing, but it might be time that I start.

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[a_shadow]

I feel like we define 'atrocity' differently.

Most of these just boil down to you being a shitty friend.

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[dragonsgrasp]

I won't argue that, believe me, I'm well aware. Regardless of how terrible you might consider it, the point still stands that I need to repent for my past actions.

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[a_shadow]

I'm just saying most of these aren't anyone's business besides you and your best friend, and his beloved, whoever that was.

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[dragonsgrasp]

Isn't it for the best that I warn everyone about what a terrible person I am? I betrayed the people who matter most to me, after all.

But I guess that's true, the people I owe the most to... are those two.

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[stolentrinkets]

Are you seeking people to forgive you, or are you wanting permission to forgive yourself?

We all make mistakes, darling.

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[dragonsgrasp]

I guess at the moment, it feels like a little bit of both, though the part about forgiving myself is especially difficult.

But not everyone makes such terrible mistakes that cause such harm to their friends, do they?

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[stolentrinkets]

You might not ever fully forgive yourself. The trick is to remember to try to.

No, not everyone makes those kind of mistakes, but it happens. We're human, after all.