hadriel | 002 [Video]

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002 [Video]

[Aside from having a new--or maybe not new, but different--hat that may have suffered a little bedazzling, Connor looks pretty much the same as last time he spoke on the network. He has something somewhat less abstract to talk about this time, but it's even more serious.]

Although the Clinic is well-suited to the needs of many here, and that's a great accomplishment in this situation, it's unable to provide assistance to a portion of the population that needs non-standard medical treatment.

[Mostly, as far as he knows, that's a problem for individuals who might be mechanically-based, although he isn't ruling out that there might be other types of beings he doesn't know about who also can't be helped with standard medical treatment. So he's being general right now, trying to account for everyone, which also helps in keeping things vague as far as individual people and what they might need.]

Because worlds vary, finding those with the skills they need to help these people might be difficult, but at the very least we can make sure those who can't go to the Clinic have the basic supplies necessary to take care of themselves. But again, because worlds vary, we won't know what all those supplies are unless we compile a list. I know there's an option on these phones to hold private conversations, if anyone may be concerned about giving specifics information about themselves, so supplies on the list can be added mostly anonymously.

[With any luck that means he can add some things to the list himself and no one will know who they're for. He'd like to avoid ending up in a situation in which he bleeds to death from an otherwise treatable injury just because there's no thirium available here.]

Additionally, since necessary items are likely to require making arrangements with the gods, if anyone is willing to help with that please let me know.

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[She taps her claws together, trying to think about the prospect.]

Well, I, uh... I d-don't know. I've never heard of something like that happening, but uh--

[She waves her hands in front of her.]

It's really not that important, uh, really! It's okay, I'm sure regular healing stuff would work fine. I don't want you to have to, uhm, go through the trouble.

That isn't what you said before.

[He's not buying it, Alphys. >:c And he wants to talk to her about this whole subject a little more in depth, which he could do over the phones, but--]

Are you at the lab?

[She didn't know it was gonna be a whole THING, Connor, she doesn't want to be a burden!!! But now that he's asking to see her, she ducks her head, giving him a nod.]

Yeah, I, uhm-- yeah.

[Hopefully he's not mad at her.]

Okay. I'll be there soon.

[And as promised he shows up pretty quickly, wandering into the lab and giving a careful glance around to see if anyone else is there. But it seems quiet at the moment, fortunately, which makes this easier as he approaches Alphys.]

I thought it'd be easier to talk in person, especially because I haven't been entirely honest with you regarding my interest in making sure nonhumans have necessary supplies and care.

[And that ominous statement out there, he doesn't string out the suspense; instead he lifts the brim of his hat to show his glowing LED, which is cycling between a soft blue and pale yellow in response to his carefully contained nervousness.]

I'm knowledgeable about android repairs because I am one.

[He doesn't imagine she'll react negatively, considering all their previous conversation, but he's still a bit apprehensive.]

[Alphys honestly doesn't suspect what he's coming over about. She thinks maybe he'll be mad at her for her back and forth on the network, or have something else she's triggered. But he shows up and she tries to pull herself together to speak, except he obviously has an agenda. So she nods along, quiet, putting her hands together.

Until he makes the big reveal, and her eyes go wide.]

W-Wait, y-- you're an android??

[She looks shocked, but not... scared. More like absolutely, positively awestruck.]

You-- you look amazing! Everything is so smooth and well put together and, and I know r-robotics in my world still has a long way to go but ohmygosh you look incredible.

[Alright, well, that's... A new reaction he's actually not sure how to handle. It's positive, at least, and he's glad he could accurately predict that it would be, but he has pretty much no idea how to react to it and lets himself fall back on his programming a bit. Explaining facts is always a good response, right?]

Androids in my world are designed to mimic humans as closely as possible, so as to better integrate with them without invoking an uncanny valley response.

[Early androids had been bad at that last part, which is why modern androids breathe, blink, react to pain they don't actually feel, have imperfections in their physical appearances, and so on.]

It's been... Beneficial here, to me, to be able to rely on appearing human.

[In other words please don't tell anyone; he's trusting her with this.]

[She wants to touch him, but she's totally aware that's weird. Does he feel like a human? Is he smooth or heavy or how good is the padding in his knees and back and this is so incredible--]

It's, I-- I mean I imagine it's p-possible to get to that kind of technology in my world but I can't believe, you look so seamless, it's amazing. You're amazing.

[Thankfully, he keeps talking which brings her down and makes her realize the gravity of the situation. He came over here to talk to her instead of doing it on the network. He talked to her multiple times before saying something. This... must be a really big deal.]

I guess, uh... it's not the best, back where you're from. To, uh, b-be an android.

[She probably doesn't remember in the excitement of the moment, but she did grab his hand when he was at the lab to talk about joining her in doing repairs; his skin feels like a human's in all regards, including the surface warmth.

He lets her keep rambling, feeling faintly... He's not sure, exactly. Embarrassed? Awkward? He's still more than willing to take any positive response over a negative one, but it's not like he can take any credit for what he looks like. But then she switches to the more serious topic, and he's quiet a few moments as he decides how much to say and how to say it.]

Humans find the idea of sentient, free-thinking androids less appealing than you do.

[It's simple and true, and doesn't go too deeply into topics that might cause him to have difficulty in controlling his new emotions.]

Although it seems to be less of a problem here, it's still apparent that issues brought up by or regarding humans are taken more seriously than those specific to another species.

[And he intends to keep and use that advantage as much as possible.]

[She'll remember later, but she also wasn't looking for it then. It's strange to her that humans feel the same- monsters are so varied, so unique, her clawed hands and smooth scales still feel out of place.

Which of course, makes his next statement more poignant. She's coming down from her hype with a nervous fluttering laugh. He was honest with her. She should... say something, right? Some solidarity? Maybe it's making it too much about her. But she pushes forward, and she thinks to herself that she'll drop it if he doesn't continue.]

No, I-- I totally get that, uhm... before I came here, I had only m-met one human ever. My species, humans were scared of us. They sealed us underground for... thousands of years. I was really scared when I got here and it was almost all humans.

[She stops herself there, just the tip of the iceberg. Alphys has learned to trust humans, but-- it wasn't innate. Even as much as she loved their creations.]

[For Connor, how he feels about humans is... Conflicting, to say the least. He was designed specifically to integrate and work with humans in a way other androids weren't; he was supposed to learn about them in order to accommodate them, to seek approval from them, and to generally be as human as possible. But he'd been designed that way so he could be used against other androids, and he now suspects that those who designed him knew very well that deviant androids were not malfunctioning but rather truly are living, sentient beings. So now that he's awake himself, being used for such a purpose is a deep betrayal, and goes against everything that had been programmed into him about being loyal to humans and holding them above all else.

He knows there are individual humans who are good people, and humanity as a whole has done amazing things, but as far as people go Connor's feeling are a confusing mix of contempt and fear and distrust, and yet still somehow that ingrained need to gain approval and get along with them. That he still feels that last part often ends up just making him even more bitter.

So it's reassuring in many ways to hear that she understands, at least as much as possible considering different circumstances. Not that he's pleased at all to hear about her species being sealed away or anything like that, though that certainly sounds like humans.]

Has that feeling changed?

[In regards to being scared; it sounds like it might've, or at least that's the implication he gets from the use of past tense, which is at least a little encouraging. So far he hasn't seen much reason to trust many here so far, but then again he's also aware of how limited his experience is both at home and in this place. Many people have been in Hadriel longer than he's even existed.]

[It's a feeling she understands. She spent most of her life admiring humans, their art, their creations. Their scientific and artistic advancements were the cornerstone of her life, reading scrounged textbooks and passed down knowledge, making things entirely out of their trash. And then she met one, and... maybe she went too far. Maybe they did. Maybe they were both just overwhelmed, and scared. It's been so long. It's hard to say.

But she still wanted to befriend them, through her fear. She still does. Which is what makes it complicated to answer.]

Well... it helps that I haven't met another human here who knows what a monster is. Or well, w-what kind of monster I am. And even though I'm not, uhm, human looking, most people don't get bothered by that anymore. Only a couple get scared.

[And people have defended her. Been kind when they didn't have to. She's heard on more than one occasion people coming to the lab saying that people have told them explicitly to be nice to her. It's a strange occurrence.]

Some people haven't been great. But a lot have been nicer than they n-needed to be. Even knowing I'm not human. So... it's easier not to be scared of them now.

[Although that isn't entirely reassuring, it's about as much so as reasonably possible. Of course things aren't going to be perfect here, and he's not at all convinced by all the claims that everyone's treated perfectly equally and there's nothing to be worried about, but Alphys' experience means something. It makes sense, it's believable, and it's something he thinks he can work with.

Having information from someone who actually knows what they're talking about also provides him with a better understanding of the whole situation, which soothes some of the underlying anxiety he still isn't entirely able to recognize. The more he knows, the better he can adapt to the situation and the more in control he feels.]

That makes sense. Thank you, for sharing your experience; so far I've heard mostly from humans eager to assure that this is some utopia of equality, which has been somewhat concerning.

[Such vehement denials often belie exactly whatever's being denied, and Connor arrived just after escaping an army raid in which androids were shot on sight; he knows, logically, that there are probably very few people here who would mean such direct harm, but the fear is still there.]

Your answer is much more believable.

[A little bad, a little good, a reason not to be as afraid of humans as he might've been otherwise.]

[She gives him a grin that's hopefully reassuring.]

A lot of people just don't think about it, I t-think. Or, you know, they do that thing where they say you're one of the good ones or something, uh, equally terrible.

[The phrase "not a bad monster" still leaves an unpleasant taste in her mouth, even if she's one who's used it.]

Have you talked to Nick yet? He calls himself a synthetic, but he runs the Guard. There's a l-lot of nonhumans that are well known around here, it might, uhm... make you feel better?

[That response, as well as her grin, earns a tug at the corner of his mouth that is distinctly the beginning of a smile. Not that what she says it super great on its own, but its genuine and he can relate, which is a feeling he hasn't had much here.

His expression settles back into neutral at the last comments about Nick, and he inclines his head slightly in a nod.]

I do know Nick, and Oscar. However, it was Nick's condition that has somewhat reinforced my concerns.

[And because he realizes how it sounds--]

It's not your fault, and I'm sure you're doing everything you can, but that you're the only one who seems to have even thought about the need for upkeep and repairs indicates the others' priorities.

[Regarding non-biological, or really just non-humanlike individuals. Sure, they might be willing to let them take important roles in Hadriel, but they're also clearly not as concerned about them as they would be about a human.]

[He has a distinct point. It's not enough to be respected, it's-- care. The clinic existed before the Lab, after all. Even though there's less nonhumans around here, it's still important they have a plan. He's not wrong.]

Yeah, I... I guess so. I always just thought it was b-because less people knew how to help. But we haven't really mobilized. It wasn't really the, uhm, whole point of the lab, but I guess it should've been my job.

[Because of course she's going to blame herself anyway, she's the champion of doing that.]

I'll try to get something going. See if we can't find some, uhm, n-new people.

It isn't your fault.

[He repeats it because it seems necessary, and he also really means it. One person can only do so much, and as far as he's concerned the Clinic should've been working on this of their own volition. But focusing on how to fix the situation is better than dwelling on how it got this way, and so he nods at her words.]

That's a good idea. You've been here far longer than me, so people may be more willing to listen to and offer to help you.

[Well, he's not wrong. Her mouth crumples when he talks, some sort of wobbly motion that she has to remember to cease to speak again.]

Well, I still think they'd listen to you, or-- I h-hope some people have. But I'll do my best to, uh, lend a hand where I can. Anything I can do, uhm, really.

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002 [Video]

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