text;

[aroundthecoroner]

So, uh, anybody seen any gods lately?

[No, this isn't the start of a shitty comedy set, it's the start of a shitty network post. Michael doesn't make these often; this might be his third in more than a year. But this situation seems to warrant it, and if no one else is talking about it yet... well. Someone's got to.]

I don't think it's a coincidence that the power's out, the water doesn't work, and those monsters are coming into the city whenever they feel like it.
That and, um, I haven't been able to contact any of the gods?
They don't show up in the temples, either.
I'm probably the last person to notice this, but I think something's, uh, pretty wrong here?

[Anyone familiar with him will know that this isn't a result of speech-to-text; he really does just type that way.]

Or I could be completely wrong and just missing them.
So, um, discuss I guess.
What's our plan if they really are gone?

Comments

[sallyfaced]

Yeah, we're really dependent on them I noticed. I mean, I think if we really tried we'd be okay. [But that's just because he's a super hopeful and optimistic kid.] Moving us takes up a lot of energy, right? Could it be they didn't have enough to move themselves? I don't really know how they...work, or whatever.

[aroundthecoroner]

They used to have no trouble moving us all and themselves.
And, like, the city.
They did it all the time without us knowing.
But I think this time they used the Door.
Maybe the Door doesn't work on gods?

[sallyfaced]

Oooh, the Door, right. That could be it. If that's the case maybe they'll figure it out soon and come join us.

I really hope it's that simple. Well, comparatively simple. Nothing here is ever really "simple" simple..

[aroundthecoroner]

I guess if it's that, uh, "simple", then maybe they'll have no trouble teleporting themselves like before.

[sallyfaced]

yeah, true! i guess we'll just have to wait and see.

btw thanks for the psa. you haven't seen any ogres or anything have you? that's officially what pops into my head when anyone says "monsters"

[aroundthecoroner]

No, not any ogres.
Some people have seen big mastodon looking things?
But I think (I hope) the ogres are gone.
Like for good.

[sallyfaced]

i will take literally anything over an ogre
if they were really slow it would be one thing but they charge like freight trains what the hell

[aroundthecoroner]

Right? It makes no sense.
If it helps, I haven't seen any since the first time.
And no one's brought any parts to the lab.
Probably safe to say they're gone?

[sallyfaced]

that's a huge relief honestly
i guess on the bright side having those as my first monster encounter means like
it's hard to get much worse than that lol

[aroundthecoroner]

Yeah, if there's anything that's way worse than that
I don't want anything to do with it.
I won't say most of the monsters are a cakewalk or anything,
but yeah they've got nothing on those guys.

[sallyfaced]

what are the odds the door is going to bring in like, cats one day?
that'd be sweet
instead of monsters that want to tear us a new one, i mean

[aroundthecoroner]

It brought in these cute salamanders once.
I mean, they catch everything flammable that they touch on fire, but
They're cute.
Newt, the lab guy, he has a couple.

[sallyfaced]

wait a second
the guy named newt has salamanders??
lol thats amazing

[aroundthecoroner]

Yeah I thought it was funny, too.
He probably doesn't, but it is.

[sallyfaced]

thats undeniably funny
maybe one day he'll appreciate it?

[aroundthecoroner]

Sadly his sense of humor isn't fully developed.
It might take a while.

[sallyfaced]

he's just in denial
one day he'll see the light im sure