Video

[theweakhavepurpose]

[The video turns on to show the outskirts of town, nearby is a fence of sorts made of junk Pratt collected from the Colosseum and some baling wire. It's encircling a fancy new shooting range complete with training dummies and targets and some other items that aren't immediately identifiable.

Okay fancy isn't the right word, everything is made of remnants he found and some of the targets are empty soup cans on sticks but it looks serviceable.]

This is Deputy Pratt. I know we're all busy freezing to death, but if you'd like to take your mind off that, I've finally got this all together. Range is up and running!

It's set up by the orchard, or well.. where the orchard should be anyway.

[He pans the camera towards the orchard to show where it is and then starts walking towards the range. The camera is surprisingly steady, this is someone who has filmed hundreds of Vine videos of him and other deputies doing stupid stuff on slow days. He's a pro at this shit.]

I've got training dummies up front for anyone who wants to get their melee fighting on. But uh.. try not to completely destroy them because I don't have a ton of wood to fix them up.

For the range itself I've got targets at 10 meters, 25 meters, 50 and 100. It's not perfect because I'm measuring this with my feet, but it's close enough. Spinner targets are for guns, and the bigger baled ones are dirt and wood so they shouldn't chew up your arrows too bad.

This thing is a work in progress.

[He sets a can onto a contraption off to the side of the range, stomping his foot on a pedal and sending it shooting down the lane and a little to the left. The camera gets unsteady here as he launches a knife that's far too big for this at the can and it tumbles to the ground.]

Keeps shooting them off to the side, but it's better than throwing something and then trying to hit it.

As for weapons... [He walks over to a large but very battered chest and opens the lid.]

I've got some throwing knives that aren't stupid like the hunting knife I have. A few bows. And some arrows in here. Keep them in this crate because the weather is not kind to bowstrings and you don't want these things snapping when you're shooting.

It's on the honor system because I'm not going to freeze my ass off monitoring this twenty-four seven. So try not to burn it down in the next two days.

[Please guys. He worked hard on this. Don't set it on fire.]

Comments

[itsnotaonesie]

[That would be a pretty badass kitten]

I can deal with layering up. It's a little restrictive when I'm trying to like, move around, but it could be worse. What really sucks is like, when you're trying to sleep, but it's too cold so you're just awake shivering all night. You ever get that? I get that.

[theweakhavepurpose]

I know that well.

I keep being tempted to start a fire in a pan or something, but then someone will find me dead of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Just keep layering it on. We can start rolling everywhere like Katamari's.

[itsnotaonesie]

Yeah, maybe don't poison yourself. And man, I would look real cool going out on patrol looking like that. I can set new fashion standards.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Patrol? Did you join the guard?

[WHO LET A CHILD ON THE FORCE?]

[itsnotaonesie]

[THAT ROBOT GUY DID]

Yeah, I figured I might as well. I was already doing my own patrols anyway, so it just made sense.

[theweakhavepurpose]

[HE'S GOING TO BE GETTING SOME HARSH WORDS FROM PRATT OKAY.]

Why were you doing patrols in the first place?

[Peter pls.]

I didn't know they were still operating since we moved.

[itsnotaonesie]

[NO BE NICE]

Just keepin' an eye on everything. Making sure nobody gets eaten by monsters or stabbed by demons, y'know. That kinda stuff. I did the same thing back home, only we had less demons and monsters and more New Yorkers. It's not quite the same thing.

[theweakhavepurpose]

[He's a robot, he won't feel it if Pratt punches him. Its fine.]

Do New Yorker's often stab and eat each other? Not so great for tourism.

[Okay. Okay this is not home, everyone needs to help out and contribute what they can even 16-year old boy scouts who probably got scores on the SATs that made Stanford admissions jizz their pants.]

Then you definitely need to get out to the range so when they stab back you have some defenses.

[itsnotaonesie]

[:O Robots are people too!!!!]

Eating no, stabbing maybe. Depends on what neighborhood you're in.

[don't mind this 'I know something you don't know' style grin on Peter's nerd face. But hey, everything he knows is either self taught or 100% lifted from movies, so maybe some kind of actual training would be good for him.]

You know what, sure. I can be over there in a few minutes, how's that sound?

[theweakhavepurpose]

[ People who should know better. ]

I know you're fucking with me. I've been there.

[ But he's not 100% sure how exactly. ]

You wanna throw knives or shoot arrows?

[itsnotaonesie]

[i mean that's true but still]

Hah, you're right. The streets are pretty safe.

[He sees to it personally!]

I don't really have a preference. Guess I'll start with knives?

[theweakhavepurpose]

[ It seems less likely he'll accidentally hit Pratt in the face with knives so that's a good start.

When Peter gets there he'll have a few smaller throwing knives set out on a bench in front of one of the targets. ]

Think anyone at the guard will be impressed if you can hit bullseyes in the precinct?

[He assumes they have a headquarters anyway.]

[itsnotaonesie]

[Hell Yes. Peter rolls in and immediately starts picking up all of the knives. Not at the same time, but y'know.]

Oh, I dunno. Maybe? I've got good aim, but I'm not really known for chucking knives at things.

[gotta have good aim when you're slinging webs around, though]

[theweakhavepurpose]

Okay well if you start throwing knives everywhere, I am not the one who taught you this.

[ He picks one up by the blade.]

So the idea is to hold it like this, with the handle up. You're using the handle to carry the momentum of the blade.

[ He chucks it at a post, demonstrating. ]

I'm not the most skilled at this, so you'll probably get better than me if you practice.

[itsnotaonesie]

I'll tell 'em I saw it in a movie or something.

[It probably wouldn't be untrue, knowing this kid.

He watches Pratt's demonstration, and then picks out his own tossing knife. And then flips it into the air a couple times to get a feel for the weight and stuff. Not really proper knife handling but eh.]

Okay, handle up, like this? And then I just-

[He whips it at the post, probably a little harder than necessary. And by that I mean the knife connects and takes off a chunk of the post. It's a fun explosion of splinters. Peter winces.]

Oh! Yikes, okay. Um. Sorry?

[theweakhavepurpose]

[Well that.. sure is... something.]

It's fine. The main thing is you hit the post so that's a good first start. And you didn't stab yourself or me. So this is going well!

[He goes to retrieve the knife, testing the point on his thumb. Still okay. The post however, has seen better days.]

Maybe try hitting a can those are easier to replace.

[itsnotaonesie]

It's not going so well for the post.

[RIP post, you were a good post before Spider-Man threw a knife at you.

Peter shrugs and waits for Pratt to scoot on out of the blast zone, and then selects another knife. He whips the knife at the can, and while it doesn't explode into splinters like the post, it's still a pretty thoroughly wrecked can. RIP can]

..Not going too well for the can, either. Y'know what, I think maybe I've got knife whipping down.

[theweakhavepurpose]

You're a natural.

[Nothing about this is suspicious in any way.]

You done this before? You have crazy good aim.

[itsnotaonesie]

I haven't thrown knives before. I just, y'know, physics is kind of my jam?

[He's probably having a little too much fun with this. Sorry Deputy.

Anyway he's going to collect that knife he just tossed. By shooting webs at it and just yanking it and the ruined can back like it's the most natural thing ever, but it still totally counts. He catches the knife by the handle and turns it around in his hand to look at the mayhem he just unleashed on this poor can.]

Oof. See, this is why I don't really use weapons. This is one dead can.

[theweakhavepurpose]

[Okay, that's kind of a dick move because Pratt still doesn't know that he's talking to fucking spider-man and also because you just jizzed out of your hand all over his range! That's worse than lighting it on fire.]

The fuck is that?!

[You want the twitchy Deputy even more twitchy? Because that's how you accomplish it.]

[itsnotaonesie]

[Well now it's just gross!!!! He yanks the knife out of the can and gives Pratt a little shrug.]

Oh, sorry. Synthetic spider webs. Wanna see?

[He pulls one of his web shooters off and offers it to Pratt all casual like.]

Definitely don't point that end at your face, it won't dissolve for a couple hours.

[theweakhavepurpose]

Why do you have this?

[And yes, he does. Because that looks gross and dangerous and of course he wants to play with it.]

If you can already shoot this stuff all over the place, you might not need knives.

[Yes he totally takes it because he wants to try this thing. He completely misses the can he was aiming for and goops up a post instead, but the important part is it's not his face or his hand.]

[itsnotaonesie]

[Yeah don't goop your face or your hand, that just sounds bad in a whole bunch of ways.]

For catchin' badguys, swinging from buildings and stuff, Halloween decorations. Y'know, web stuff. I think you're right though, I think I'm good without knives. Kinda fun to toss 'em, though.

[theweakhavepurpose]

[Okay that was fun. He's giving this back before he wastes all the webbing in it.]

Are you gonna run out of this goop though? How are you making it?

[He snorts at the mention of Halloween decorations.] Did we even have Halloween? What month is it? What year is it even here?

[itsnotaonesie]

Just made it outta stuff at the lab. I'm starting to run low on silica gel, though? That might become an issue.

[And Peter slaps that web shooter back on yea boi]

Uh... pffff okay. It was 2018 back home... Uh, Septemberish? And I've probably been here a few months, so... I have no idea, I've completely lost track of my life. It's not too early for me to have a midlife crisis, is it? Because I think I've already had a like, mini existential crisis after a guy told me that I'm a comic book, so I think I'm pretty prepared.