video.

[kickingand]

[ Dean's got his device set up so that this isn't all Blair Witch Project (thank god) but he's got a jar of his own, which he's... gently shaking around a couple of fireflies in. Not like Sid and his toys or anything here, considering they're still alive, but he's cheerfully giving them a rock and roll. ]

I don't get the bug thing, I really don't--

[ After which he sets the jar down with a slight clatter, where the fireflies can finally carry on flitting about. ]

I mean, this is like crack to kids, right? Catching these things, watching 'em fly around? Never understood the appeal. [ Says the man with fireflies in a jar but he's curious okay, don't judge. ]

And then with the warm and fuzzies... I mean- C'mon. Never known a God to offer that up without some kinda hand being played.

Comments

[retiredfromhell]

[ Of course he's hitting on him.

Dean's cute, just the right height to ... well, let's not go there just yet and Lucifer is about as gender fluid as you could ask. Also watching Dean flail, albeit over text, is amusing as hell. ]

Oh the lights always stay on. I don't sleep with people if I won't enjoy watching them respond to what I do to them.

[kickingand]

[ QUIT IT!!!

He's already been questioning his own sexuality more than enough since his arrival, which was never something he wanted to begin with. Ever. Finding out he boned another dude in a different universe wasn't helpful at all and this is doing nothing for his already fragile sense of self.

This is just so terrible, so terrible. ]

thanks for that mental image, exactly what i was looking for

[ One day Dean will learn when to stop using sarcasm. Today is obviously not that day. ]

[retiredfromhell]

Really? Because if you want the real thing, just come on over.

[ Sometimes sarcasm goes right over Lucifer's head, usually because he's too distracted by his own opinion. Sometimes he deliberately ducks.

Sometimes it's a little bit of both. ]

[kickingand]

are you serious right now

[ He's being propositioned by Lucifer. The same guy that beat him into a near bloody pulp. There are not enough words in Dean's mental dictionary for how confused he is.

What. A. Day. ]

[retiredfromhell]

I'm always serious about sex. Not for the emotional things, that's a bunch of self inflected pain mortals put on themselves, but sex itself?

Lovely fun, great way to relieve stress and pass the time. Also, of the four little gods in residence here I mind Delight the least.

After all, she provides alcohol.

[ Priorities, Lucifer has them.

And tutt tutt Dean. A Lucifer beat you to a bloody pulp. This Lucifer has never met you. ]

1/4 again i should just apologize forever

[kickingand]

[ Ohhhh boy, here we go. Cue internal melting point, that one that's been threatening to break ever since Beyond let loose on him, that whole refusal to believe he has ever fucked a man in any universe ever, and his utter paranoia that he is not who he thinks he is.

Welcome to Dean's inner turmoil. ]

sure i agree with that right up until the point where youre a dude. and lucifer.

[kickingand]

and a dude. AND LUCIFER

[kickingand]

and dont give me the youre an archangel crap that ive heard a million times before. that whole thing where youre just occupying a vessel blahblah i get the gist. youre not really a dude so why not give it a go this one time right?

[kickingand]

but youre still lucifer.

[retiredfromhell]

[ All he needs is a bottle of whiskey and this is like the best night ever. ]

The fact that you're objecting primarily on my gender and only secondarily because I'm the devil; I can't decide if it's amusing or just slightly sad.

The knots you mortals twist yourselves into over gender and some words in that ridiculous book.

And what do you mean occupying a vessel? I don't occupy anything but my own form. One of my forms true but it's still my form.

[ Excuse you, Dean but you do not get perfection like this out of a mortal vessel. ]

[kickingand]

[ Can he just ignore all of that? Because he's going to. ]

you dont need a vessel? you just showed up as you?

[retiredfromhell]

[ But are you really, Dean? Are you really? Or are you going to sit and brood about it? ]

Of course I did. Well, except for my wings, had Maze cut them off when we got to the beach, but that was more a big middle finger to Dad than anything.

[kickingand]

[ What're you talking about, he doesn't brood. He won't think about this ever again. ]

but you had em. huh. angels im used to seeing dont exactly flaunt theirs either

[retiredfromhell]

[ Uh huh. ]

Mortals tend to go a little, what's the word I want, insane if they see our wings. Touch of the truly divine and all that. My brother tends to keep his to himself when he's among mortals and I recently burned mine.

[kickingand]

oh trust me, heard one of my buddys actual voices one time and it just about broke my eardrums. can't imagine your real wings are much better, we just get. i dont know. the leftovers of what they look like.

you burned yours?

[retiredfromhell]

Voices? Really? Our voices aren't usually the issue. Dad's voice is a problem for mortals, not that he uses it all that much.

Leftovers of what they look like? What, like a shadow?

Bit of a long story but in short, I retired from Hell and have no interest in going back. If I did want to go either up or down I'd need the wings to do it and I'm not doing either.

So no need for the wings.

[ Also, with them gone Amenadiel couldn't keep trying to manipulate him into wanting it all back. ]

[kickingand]

apparently they are where i come from. or it could just be that cas is a big deal [ Cas is sort of a huge deal but lets not go there either?!?! ]

yeah, like a shadow.

huh. you just get weirder and weirder. definitely not the answer i expected.

[retiredfromhell]

Who is Cas?

[ He'll ignore the weird label for the time being. He's been getting that forever. ]

1/2

[kickingand]

he's family

[kickingand]

[ WHOOPS Dean has such bad self control sometimes. Open mouth, insert foot. ]

thats probably not what you meant. castiel. hes an angel, but you figured out that much already

[retiredfromhell]

[ Now you're being confusing Dean. ]

An angel? I don't recall any of the host with that name and Dad didn't make any extras.

I certainly don't recall any angels named Dean, so how are you family?

[kickingand]

[ He's not being confusing, you're being... wrong. ]

maybe he didnt get around to introducing himself at your family dinners

and youre choosing now to get nitpicky? hes family because hes family, doesnt need any more explaining than that

[retiredfromhell]

[ You live on a tiny island in the middle of the river de-nile, don't you dean? ]

I was second 'born', Dean. I raised the host with Michael, there wasn't a single one I didn't know the name of.

[ Including the third of the host who flew at his back and ultimately died at his Fall. ]

Strange, I've never known a member of the host to get cozy with mortals. Odd as this is going to sound, I'm currently the only one with even a passing understanding of Dad's mortals.

[ Because Amenadiel is currently making a right hash out of mortals for his own gain. ]

[kickingand]

[ It's actually located in the middle of the ocean, but y'know, details. ]

yeah well michael doesnt always get things right either.

im not sure if cas would say hes got a full blown understanding but hes close enough. only took a few years and a whole lotta trial and error but at the end of the day i wouldnt change him

[retiredfromhell]

Try telling him that. He has creation's biggest stick up his feathered hole and it's been there since Dad said 'here you two, make this for me.'

[ Big brothers can be so annoying. ]

So what, you've adopted this angel? He adopted you?