003✖; (voice)

[circumitus]

[Judging by the sound of her voice and the clunking of glass in the background, Rey has been drinking. Alone, no less. When that happens, she has a habit to get melancholy, and even more so now. Thanks, Sorrow.]

"So, let's get this straight.

"The goal in all of this, assuming that we have one to start with, is to bring all of these dead gods back to life so that they can work their asses to finally use that Door that brought us all here in the first place... to take us back to our own worlds. That is the mission, right?"

[Pause. Another clink of glass as she takes a shot. By then it's obvious that there's something off about the way she speaks. Devoid of the monotone and the robot exterior that she so often maintains in the presence of others. Now it's just too much work.]

"Not that it's supposed to be a bad thing. Am sure that some of you come from lovely worlds with minimal problems and actual lives to return to and whole prospects ahead of you. But where does that leave some of us?

"You know, the ones that don't have lives. People who are dead, or have nothing to go back to but a piece of metal rammed through your chest but you're not dead even though you'd probably be better off that way anyway because of your track record for only making things worse no matter how much good you try to do and..."

[...And Rey is digressing. That is also not something she wanted to actually say.

[In fact, none of these things she actually wanted to say.

[Realizing this, she cuts the feed with a muttered "fuck, never mind" at the end.]

Comments

[muscovy]

[He giggles, a high pitched, cheerful sound.]

You have a distinctive way of eating, and you do it at a table, too.

[circumitus]

[No one has really laughed at her eat. Gawk, raise eyebrows, whatever, sure. But never laugh in the way that Muscovy does.]

That's an odd thing to say. [She says this as she takes another slurp of soup. Whatever, mang.]

[muscovy]

It is very Rey. And it is nice to see that you are very Rey.

[Especially when she tries to pretend that she is not, at least not his Rey.

He rests his head on his arms and keeps watching her.]

[circumitus]

Um. Sure.

[It seems that, in spite of her repeat insistence that she is a different person, there continues to be similarities between her and this other version of herself. While she isn't entirely convinced that that means a damn thing, she can't ignore the uncanniness of it all, either.

[Rey sighs, dropping the spoon into the bowl of soup and rubs her forehead. Her head hurts just thinking about it, though that could also be a combination of the alcohol and the unease of having the boy stare at her like that.

[What is she even supposed to make of all of this?]

[muscovy]

[Clearly she's supposed to come to the conclusion that they're family and stop being silly about this.

But Muscovy is very patient in waiting for people to come around (lacking the ability to make them come around faster). So for now, he will just continue to sit here and watch Rey until her bowl is empty, and then refill it and return to his sitting and watching position.]

[circumitus]

[Rather than eating, she is more distracted by what he just said about the other Rey's eating habits. After a moment of not touching her food again, she glances to Muscovy out the corner of her eye.]

Why are you here?

[muscovy]

Because you looked like someone who needs soup and hugs because that helps best when your feelings are sick.

[And with how he knows her, he figured that she would never ask for any help with sick feelings.]

[circumitus]

Don't need...

[--well, he's got the soup out of the way. Hugs? No.

[She rubs her forehead again, closing her eyes as she tries to keep her emotions in check. Make sure that they're even the ones she is feeling herself.]

Whatever.

[muscovy]

[He'd move over and hug her, but with her recent reactions to him he's not sure if she would just literally explode if he did, and he'd rather not have that happen. Burning down hurts, and it would be a shame to ruin this place like that.]

You should eat up, yes?

Even if you're always warm inside the soup will make you a different warm inside that helps with the feelings.

[circumitus]

[She should eat, especially after all that she had drank. But her stomach is more busy turning.]

Loss my appetite.

[It doesn't seem to have helped much with the feelings, either.]

[muscovy]

You still need to eat. Because you are sick and when you are sick you need to eat so you can fight it better, yes? Even if it are your feelings that are sick.

[Eat, Rey, there's enough left for him to have some himself even if you get full.]

[circumitus]

[Her brows knit.]

Don't really care about fighting it.

[She deserves every bit of emotion she is feeling right now, in Rey's most "humble" opinion.]

[muscovy]

Why not?

[While he's not of the opinion that 'only the dead don't fight back', because there are numerous situations where fighting back would be counterproductive, sometimes you should fight back and with how silly Rey can be with friendship and such, feelings are the one area where Muscovy will always suspect Rey of being silly.]

[circumitus]

Because. Need to be feeling this.

[You can't hide from what you're feeling forever. Or, rather, you can, but you probably shouldn't. Not without risking everything from spilling over once it's reached the brim.]

[muscovy]

Why?

[Tilting his head, watching her attentively. He's the picture of active listening right now.]

[circumitus]

Because.

[She says it again like it's supposed to be all the answer she needs. If he can keep asking her the same question, she can give the same answer.

[But it's an act that she can't maintain any more than she can keep pushing her emotions down.

[Her shoulders sag.] This pain is justified. Have hurt a lot of people. It's only fair to feel hurt in return.

[muscovy]

Did you want to hurt them or did you have no good reason?

[Those seem to be two pretty crucial questions in this context. After all if you didn't want to (and were either forced or did it by accident) that won't make people less angry but it shifts the reason to blame yourself like this, and if you had a good reason to hurt them it becomes a whole different topic.]

[circumitus]

Both.

Sometimes it was about survival. Other times, innocent people ended up paying the price.

Have lost count of how many were killed... and however many more were affected.

[muscovy]

The price for what?

[If it is about survival, that generally sounds like a good reason to him. But Rey said 'both', so the second criterion, that she killed them because she wanted to and not because she was forced to, seems to be what relates to that 'price'. He wonders if it holds up equally badly as her first claim.]

wups i totally forgot to reply to this

[circumitus]

War. Violence.

[So in a way, it was about survival. Just a different kind. Part of her killed to survive and other parts of her did it because she enjoyed it.]

[muscovy]

That is always the case, though.

[War and violence will, more often than not, also impact farmers, craftspeople, children, old people, women, and all other kinds of non-combatants. Depending on the kind of violence, they might even be the specific target.]

[circumitus]

True. [She can see where he's getting at, but-] But it's different.

[Rey pauses, tempting to just leave it at that. Better than going into all of the gristly details of her past selves. But then she frowns, her shoulders slack, and she can't help but blurt:]

Enjoyed it sometimes. Hurting people. Killing things. Was not a very good person.

[muscovy]

[His brows furrow.]

Would you still enjoy it now?

[And, something that has always puzzled him:]

How can it be nice if they stop being lively?

[He understands hurting or killing people; sometimes it is just necessary, or you are forced to, or it just is the way of how things are. Or people get very angry or very sad and hurt or kill others or themselves because of that. But the part where people enjoy it has always been elusive to him, they were just never people that he could really ask about it. But now he can.]

[circumitus]

A little.

[She can't deny the fact that the killer instinct in her is what enjoys the kill. Much like all of her other older selves, she is as much that person who delighted in delivering pain to others as she is everyone else. The sad thing is, sometimes it was those instincts that helped Rey to survive for this long.

[Muscovy's query opens a whole new can of worms for Rey, though. She looks down at the soup bowl on the table, which she has ignored up until then. Her mouth tightens. It isn't a subject matter that she would want anyone who doesn't get it to understand.]

Some people just feel powerful when the life of another living thing is in their hands. That they get to decide who lives and who dies.

["Some people", though. Rey isn't necessarily claiming to be one of them. At least, not the Rey that she is now.]

[muscovy]

[He can see that; as in, he can see that people would think that, by how they act when they wreck havoc without a direct need. But that doesn't mean that he understands.]

But if the life of someone else is in their hands, wouldn't it be nicer to keep it?

You cannot do much with a corpse, but you can make someone who is in your power do what you want and to a degree become who you want them to be.