hadriel | video;

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I want to--Um...

I feel like life would be improved here if we all played more games, and... [ Kate, why are you making him do this? ] I-I wanted to ask if anyone else had any games that they could teach us. Party games, this time, not card games. Like Twister.

[ He glances off screen cautiously, then looks back, trying to seem more courageous on the subject than he is. ]

Kate thinks that life here would be much improved if we all played more together, and I have to agree with her. Play is important...for the well being of people, especially those who don't have anything else to occupy their time.

So...that is to say, if we could organize a...party, I suppose, everyone would be invited. We could hold it at the bar.

[ Yep, that's it. ]

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[ Hey. HEY. HEY!! HE READS SOMETIMES. It happens!! It's not the end of the world or anything.

But it does maybe take a near full minute for him to shuffle his way back over and pop his head back into the frame, eyebrows raised. ]

Need to see me for somethin'?

Um. Yes, to make sure that you're alright.

[ He ducks his head ever so slightly. ]

The party was Kate's idea, and I thought... You will come, won't you?

It's the library, Cas, i'm fine.

[ Which is why he slinks out of view again and goes back to perusing. Though he's stil... 95% listening maybe, or something close to it, the sound of books hitting the floor can be heard. ]

What do I need to be there for?

[ Dean you're not supposed to throw the books you don't want on the floor, someone has to pick them up.

Because I want you to be there goes unsaid. Instead: ]

It would be good for you to drink with other people for once, instead of alone.

[ Dean is going to pick them up. It's not like this place is bustling, he's just... not in a good mood and is triumphantly moving things around in the only way he knows how. He wants the useless ones out of his sight, and while he is in no way methodical, at least he's telling himself he's making progress.

At something absolutely useless. ]

Says who?

[ The Kama Sutra is like a picture book, Dean. You'll find it eventually. ]

Um... Well it's true, isn't it?

[ He's not answering that question. Says him, because he's worried. ]

[ One can only hope. Though all the movement stills for a good few seconds, the place and Dean as a whole goes silent before he carries on, because he knows the actual answer to that question.

He does. And he still doesn't feel bad. ]

That I drink alone? Yeah, isn't it always? [ He's fairly sure that's... almost a good point. ]

[ Castiel sighs. ]

I need you there, Dean.

[ Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

-- those are books hitting the floor, Dean avidly trying to avoid the point for as long as he can, because he doesn't want to go. And if he avoids it for another second, maybe it'll be easier to finally accept the fact that he should. ]

Yeah, okay.

Thank you.

And I'm sorry, I know you don't need the reminder.

[ That is literally the first time he's mentioned that night with Dean sober. ]

[ If you wanted him back in the video monitor, that wasn't the way to do it. ]

Gonna take more than a reminder to keep me from drinking. [ if that's what you even mean. ]

What?

[ A long pause. This conversation is going so, so well. And is about to go so much better. ]

I meant... I mean about Twister. I told Kate that we played and she thought it was a good idea.

[ You really wanted that dull echoing silence to get a whole hell of a lot more silent didn't you, because now Dean is very quietly freaking the fuck out while remaining utterly stern. He has half a mind to shut his comm off and walk away now but that would be idiotic, right?

Right.

Dammit. He doesn't even know what that means and he wants to know but he wants to make it stop even more so. ]

Get it out of your system?

[ Wow that sounds... Terrifyingly cold. Castiel is quiet for a moment too, and then he says, softly: ]

I think it would be best to play it with other people. And everyone needs the distraction, not just you and I.

[ It's so tragic what that first statement implies but he doesn't even actually mean it that way. Not any more. ]

[ Oh.

Why.. does that feel like a punch to the face. Why is he not drunk enough. Why is he here, why is he trying, why is this so hard. It's not something Dean wants to acknowledge but it hurts and he clears his throat, sitting back with some random book that's still not in English as if it might finally serve the purpose in saving his soul. ]

Great. Then everyone can go be distracted, and i'll just what- make notes?

Make notes?

[ He's confused, and he doesn't know what he said wrong--except possibly everything. ]

[ There's a long drawn out pause, another, while Dean tries to take it in, attempts to be okay. But it fails, and the sound from that is loud, the sound of something being thrown, the splat of a book hitting the hall, hitting something.

And then another something.

And another---

Excuse Dean, he might need to go offline for a moment - we're experiencing technical difficulties, please remain calm!! ]

[ Castiel doesn't remain calm. He comes looking, landing just on the outside of Dean's dump of abandoned and crushed and unhappy looking books, just in time for one of them to go whizzing past his head.

He rolls his head around in surprise, fear, and then jerks it back. ]

Dean!

[ Except he didn't want you here - he didn't. He wanted to ruin something on his own for just a few minutes, wanted to lay to waste the things in front of him until he felt better. God, to just be by himself for two seconds, to earn the right to break something for even longer than that.

He was going to clean up, he was, but being interrupted takes all the gusto out of his sails, even just as he takes another book and slams it hard into the frame of the bookshelf, shoulders hunched up to his ears, the sound of his name grating against his ears. ]

[ Every single corner of Cas is screaming run away run away, and yet he steps forward instead, steps over the mess of books on the floor, worry pinching at his expression.

He tries to sound reasonable, as he steps into range. ]

Dean, stop.

[ Dean wants to say that Cas shouldn't have shown up here to begin with, shouldn't be banging down these doors before Dean is already grabbing for another book and just throwing, needing to hear the sound it makes when it hits the solidity of the library wall. It's a wonder he hasn't grabbed for the bookshelves and toppled them over yet but he's getting there, working himself up, preparing to go somewhere else to work off steam he no longer has to blow. ]

Leave it alone, Cas.

[ It's bordering on a snarl, his fists balling hard because Dean can't even look this time, won't even come close to making eye contact. He's so desperate for a way to escape that he can't take it, and he turns, levelling the nearest book with a hard kick while he starts to walk away. ]

[ Dean walking away from him doesn't make any sense to Castiel. He stares after him, broken, a little helplessly. Dean never walks away from him, and he's rarely ever ever this angry. Once. One time. So he stares, and he wants to fix it, just the same as he'd wanted to fix it that time. He would give anything in the world to make it better.

All his hopes drop like a stone into the pit of his stomach and Cas despairs, and follows after Dean forlornly, hurries to catch up and lays his hand on his elbow, reaching for the physical connection he hopes Dean still wants, the thing that will soothe that angry inner beast - a touch, from someone who cares. ]

[ Except Dean doesn't know how to take it right now - he doesn't know how to take anything, can't fathom the contact when all it does is ache. Though he's not surprised that Cas chases after him, the touch still catches him like a punch to the gut and he tugs his elbow away before he means to, and then turns suddenly, grabbing for Cas' trench coat. He has half a mind to strike, but it's not Cas that Dean wants to punch in the face and his expression crumbles before he takes a skittering step backwards, laying a hand to Cas' chest and trying to keep distance. ]

I'm coming to your party. Okay? That settled?

[ For one fleeting second when Dean turns on him, Castiel is one hundred percent sure that he's going to get hit. He mentally prepares himself for it, as Dean tightens his fist in his trenchcoat, and then it just flickers away, and Dean pushed him to arm's length, forcing him to stay back.

He stares at him quietly, muted, torn. ]

Did I say something wrong?

[ Not when everything is wrong to begin with.

Dean peels his fingers away and lets his hand hover in the space between them, lips parted with the demand of trying to find the right words to speak. But there's nothing. Nothing but pain and regret and apology and Dean still won't truly look up. He can't find eye contact right now and so the floor is only the most fascinating thing there is, his gaze scattering across it like droplets of water while he hopes to find his own personal savior written across something. Anything.

God, please save him. Please. ]

It's fine.

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