I'm Just A Soul Whose Intentions Are Good | Video| OTA

[ushahin]

[The first thing is that the phone has been propped between two branches on a tree in the orchard. Ushahin needs both hands for the task at hand. He's trying to peel a piece of fruit that has a bright purple skin on it. The problem is that if he tries to use his good hand to peel, his bad one can't hold onto it firmly enough, so it falls. If he tries to use his bad hand to peel while his good hand holds, his crippled fingers don't have enough force to break the skin. He'll be trying both methods alternately as he speaks in his usual soft tone.]

I was thinking tonight. A dangerous pastime, to be certain, but what I was thinking was this. How many of us who have been brought here are good? [He pauses, trying to get his nails under the skin, and he fails.]

I would ask how many of you here think you are a good person but-- [And there goes the fruit again, falling out of his bad left hand. He sighs and picks it back up.] --I don't think many of us have that high of a opinion of ourselves. I know I don't. [He's shattered too many minds and killed far too many people to think he's still got a soul anywhere close to being pure.]

So I will ask this. How many of you think those who are here with you are good people? Your family and friends, how many of them are good souls? [The fruit slips from his grasp once again.]

Damn. [He's given up trying to do this the nice, neat way. He ends the video by using his good hand for support, then biting down into the peel, and using his teeth to tear it partially off. It's not the most dignified method of being able to peel the fruit, but at this point, he's too stubborn to give up.]

Comments

[ushahin]

Perhaps you are one of them.

[His quiet sounding voice goes even softer. Nick had done him a kindness when he had no reason to and he hasn't yet forgotten it.]

[synthedick]

[There's a slight pause; Ushahin can't see it, but he's smiling just a bit on his end.]

I just try to do what's right. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that.

[ushahin]

Then you are doing far better than some here, myself included.

[He punctuates his words by chomping down on another piece of fruit. Thank goodness this one lacks a peel or he'd be here all day. Ushahin has always done as best he can, but it never seems to be good enough. He lacks the morals most other people do.]

[synthedick]

You don't go around stirring up trouble on purpose, do you?

[ushahin]

...Not intentionally.

[Much as he'd like to just give a flat out no, that would be a lie. He's managed to break at least one mind in the time he's been here. But he fixed it! Then there's all the little instances of going inside people's heads and bringing up things they'd rather forget.]

[synthedick]

Then give yourself some credit. You could be doing worse.

[There's good in you, Ushahin. You're an odd fellow, but Nick knows.]

[ushahin]

This is true. I did terrible things when I was young and full of anger.

[He leans back, resting his head against a tree. Even now, he can't say that everything he did was wrong. At the time, it had all seemed like the best course of action.]

Now I am old and full of madness instead.

[synthedick]

[He can't say he doubts that, given some of the things Ushahin said the last time they spoke.]

They say things get better with age. I can't say one way or another. Seems more like you exchange old problems for new ones.

[ushahin]

Even when I am not making new mistakes, I look around, and see those around me making the exact same ones I've done before. Such a wearisome pattern to see.

[Don't let him get started on the idea of the great pattern he's always looking for. He could ramble on for quite some time about it.]

[synthedick]

It is, but there's not much you can do for other folks. You know what they say about carrying a cat by the tail.

[ushahin]

No, actually, I don't.

[That's one cross-universe idiom that never made its way to Urulat.]