I'm Just A Soul Whose Intentions Are Good | Video| OTA

[ushahin]

[The first thing is that the phone has been propped between two branches on a tree in the orchard. Ushahin needs both hands for the task at hand. He's trying to peel a piece of fruit that has a bright purple skin on it. The problem is that if he tries to use his good hand to peel, his bad one can't hold onto it firmly enough, so it falls. If he tries to use his bad hand to peel while his good hand holds, his crippled fingers don't have enough force to break the skin. He'll be trying both methods alternately as he speaks in his usual soft tone.]

I was thinking tonight. A dangerous pastime, to be certain, but what I was thinking was this. How many of us who have been brought here are good? [He pauses, trying to get his nails under the skin, and he fails.]

I would ask how many of you here think you are a good person but-- [And there goes the fruit again, falling out of his bad left hand. He sighs and picks it back up.] --I don't think many of us have that high of a opinion of ourselves. I know I don't. [He's shattered too many minds and killed far too many people to think he's still got a soul anywhere close to being pure.]

So I will ask this. How many of you think those who are here with you are good people? Your family and friends, how many of them are good souls? [The fruit slips from his grasp once again.]

Damn. [He's given up trying to do this the nice, neat way. He ends the video by using his good hand for support, then biting down into the peel, and using his teeth to tear it partially off. It's not the most dignified method of being able to peel the fruit, but at this point, he's too stubborn to give up.]

Comments

[muscovy]

Most.

[He nods very firmly.]

Big bro is good, and Rey is good, and you're good, and Shadow is good too.

[He can think of one or two people that aren't, but they're really in the minority.]

[ushahin]

You have a kind heart, my young friend.

[Who better to judge who has goodness in them than Muscovy? He's probably one of the best people here.]

I do agree with you about Shadow. As for the others...well, that is harder.

[video]

[tongueamok]

Defining what is 'good' and what isn't is the tricky part, don't you think?

[ushahin]

[Ushahin spits out the peel, finally able to rip off the rest with what grip strength he has. Oh, there's a face he hasn't seen in months.]

Aye, that is the hard part. I've been called evil more times than I care to think upon. [He finally is able to bite into the fruit.] To describe it is difficult, but I know it when I see it in others.

[ushahin]

Of course I do.

[The look on his face softens.]

You're far better than you think you are, Shadow.

[He knows what Shadow thinks of himself. He's been inside his head often enough.]

audio

[unitas]

What makes a person 'good' to you? Because most people can't be put into a category like that. [ It's all relative. ]

[ushahin]

Well, you certainly can't.

[Sorry, Sharon. He had to get that dig in considering how she treated him and Fetch last time they met.]

For me, it's when actions meet words and thoughts. So many people start off with good intentions and get lost along the way.

text

[hornrims]

Why do you ask?

[ushahin]

Call it curiosity. Where I am from, people are either said to be good or evil, with no middling ground.

video

[beautyis]

That is no way to think of yourself, Ushahin! You are very good! I know, because I am the goodest person around, and I can always recognize a fellow extremely good person! Why, everyone in Hadriel is extremely good! I can tell you this as an expert on things that are good!

[ushahin]

I will agree that you are a good person. [His lips twitch into a smile. Papyrus has no guile whatsoever. It's refreshing.] As for the rest...well, I am not going to discourage your course of thoughts.

video

[skelebro]

[Oh look, it's Philosopher's Hour With Ushahin again. At least the guy is honest about his brain-breaking habits, huh? Not that it makes it any more palatable, exactly. Just vaguely understandable.]

Most people have it in 'em to be good. For whatever it's worth.

Don't always play out like that, but there y'go.

[ushahin]

[He tilts his head, chewing on a slice of fruit as he watches Sans with his mismatched eyes. A simple question, but he doesn't think the answer is quite so simple when it comes to the skeleton. He's been inside his dreams often enough to know that.]

Is that how it is with you, Sans? Potential that has not quite come to what it could be?

[voice]

[circumitus]

It's all subjective, really. Whatever one person thinks makes someone "good" is going to be different from what another person believes that word to mean.

For instance, this place supposedly brings in those who are "evil" or "chaotic" -- yet there are many here who do not apply to either of those. From our own narrowed opinions, that is.

[Like Rey would think of Nick and Firo and Glacius to be good. Even Muscovy, and a few others. They're hardly perfect, but she is always willing to overlook the flaws and focus on the good as opposed to the bad.]

[ushahin]

What is your opinion then? Where do you see goodness in this place?

[He's not so certain he sees it in Rey. She's...different than most he has encountered. Then there is what he saw in her, that terrible power that makes her a being of fire, blood, and destruction. He doesn't think anyone truly good would have that within them.]

text

[somuchlove]

Some say that 'anyone can be a good person if they try.'

In practice it is a different situation.

[Some people are just demons, in the end.]

I believe most I know would be considered "good".

Re: text

[ushahin]

Circumstances do so often seem to be set against allowing people to achieve their best potential.

[He goes silent for a long moment, thinking of both people he had known in Urulat and here in Hadriel.]

Some here are good, better than they think themselves to be. Some are not, through misfortune or their own natures. And some, well, I cannot figure out their minds.

video

[sciencelizard]

There's a lot of g-good people here, uhm, I think. I haven't talked to all of them. But, uh...

Do you need, uhm, help w-with that, or something?

Re: video

[ushahin]

Oh? Name me one that you have talked to.

[He's polished off the first fruit, long as it took him to do so, and is starting on a second. He's clearly struggling just as much as he did the first time around.]

Never you mind about me. I've learned how to use my hands as best I can.

[He won't say no if help is offered, but Ushahin is far too proud to just ask. Sometimes, he wishes Satoris had healed both of his hands instead of just the one. However, considering the pain he had gone through, perhaps it was just as well he'd done the one.]

Voice

[solvethepuzzle]

[He'd be more inclined to go through text, but he's been nursing a dislocated shoulder and this is just smoother.]

Statistically, there are likely at least a few, but the concept of good is a very subjective matter.

Re: Voice

[ushahin]

So I keep being told.

[He takes a bite of the fruit, chewing slowly before he asks a question.]

How do you define it then?

video

[prestonian]

Most people are good, in my opinion. Even people who you may think are terrible can surprise you sometimes.

Re: video

[ushahin]

Most people? I would agree some, but most seems a bit optimistic.

[He can't help it. A lifetime of being called wicked and cruel has left him a bit cynical to regarding most people with anything but contempt.]

video.

[bekommen]

That usually works better if you've got a knife, y'know.

[Said with a kind of gentle teasing - what passes for gentle teasing from Nick, anyway.]

To answer your question ... my dad was good. Everyone else ... I dunno, I always just figured everyone's shitty and there's no point to trying to be any different.

[Shrug.]

Re: video.

[ushahin]

If the gods intended for Men to have knives, he wouldn't have given us teeth.

[Hey, at least he managed to peel the fruit. The end result is the only thing that matters to Ushahin. He's chewing on a mouthful of it before he answers Nick.]

That's not a terrible opinion to take, though it does limit your options on how you perceive others.

text.

[torrefied]

[Oh good, philosophical debates, Mello's favorite.]

The idea that people are fundamentally good is both laughable and incredibly naive.

Re: text.

[ushahin]

[Ushahin raises up an eyebrow. That answer, coming from Mello, doesn't surprise him in the slightest.]

So is cynicism without a basis. You're telling me that in all your life, you've never encountered good souls before?

[alltozero]

[He wonders, for a bit, if he should ask this strange if he wants any help with that... uh, it's probably a fruit or vegetable? Asriel can't recognize a lot of things that couldn't grow underground.

But maybe... that would be patronizing? It might just be annoying. So maybe it's better if he doesn't.]

Anything that has a soul has the potential to be a good soul. They just... have to want to be.

It's the "wanting" that's the problem, though, isn't it? There are a lot of... there are people who have given up on that out there.

[ushahin]

[...Huh. That is a little goat. He's encountered a lizard, skeletons, a hedgehog, and a robot man in his time here. So he's not so very surprised to see a goat child talking to him as he eats the fruit.]

Wanting isn't enough. I find that if someone wants to be good and is told by everyone else that they are wicked and cruel, eventually they will give up, and just let their worst tendencies come to the forefront.

audio

[publickenemy]

There are people who do terrible things and say they're for the betterment of all. Kinda offsetting any 'good' done when you have to hurt innocent people to do it.

The ones that help one another, look out for others are the real good ones. If more people did that the world would be a better place.

[ Referring to her own home. ]

Course, it seems like a lot of people here try to do just that.

Re: audio

[ushahin]

Well-spoken words.

[He can relate quite strongly to what she's saying. He's been one of those people before, justifying the terrible acts he's done as being necessary. Of course, that had been during a war he had no chance of winning. Now that war had been lost and things were quite different.]

Is that what you have tried to do? Look out for others and help them?

[infinite1up]

Do you want to be a 'good person'?

[ushahin]

[Ushahin laughs and gives a sharp grin to Sato. He's already seen how he goes inside people's heads without their permission. That's not the mark of someone good or nice.]

Hardly. I've done too much in my life to strive for goodness at this point. Even the best intentions have a tendency to get warped. I suppose I can say I strive for 'good enough'.

[Video]

[thechoiceisyours]

[It would've been easy to answer this question once; he would've done it without any hesitation, and without any nuance. But now, although his basic feelings are the same as they would've been then, there's a lot more understanding involved.]

I think um, a lot of people try to be good, and a lot of them really are. But this kind of question's just... Really subjective, because no one's ever really one extreme. Good people sometimes do really messed up things and same in reverse, but it's hard to say where exactly they go over the line.

[How bad of a thing does a good person have to do before it makes them a bad person? How much good does someone who's done awful things have to do in order to be considered good? Does motivation matter? It's way too complicated for him to be sure of any of the answers anymore.]

[ushahin]

[Ushahin listens, his eyes unfocused as he answers, always looking as if he's off somewhere else than where he actually is. Always, he's in two places at once, speaking with whoever he's talking to while his mind travels through the residents of Hadriel.]

That's always the main question, isn't it? Where's the line? Do you cross when you kill for the right reasons or the wrong ones? Does one good deed wipe out all the bad that has been done before? Can one act render someone irredeemable? [He regards Chris with his good eye.] Where do you fall, hmmm? Somewhere in between the gaps?

action;

[hasitsthorns]

[ Guess who's gonna just pop up out of the orchard herself. Rose has become pretty fond of the place; what started as a guardianship ended up being a relaxer for the woman. ]

Thinking is a dangerous pastime indeed. [ Rose thinks far too much herself but pretends she doesn't. ]

You're right though, I don't have that high an opinion of myself. I try to be good, but. Trying only gets you so far, yeah?

[ As for who she thinks are good, well... ]

My packmates are good, I guess. They saved me when I needed them most. [ She used to think humans were good, too, but that's... changed. Now that she's seen the capacity for evil and hatred in their hearts. If the ring hadn't been enough, Haven definitely was. Haven also taught her that 'monsters' like her could be more good than their mortal counterparts, so. ]

[ushahin]

[Ushahin is finishing getting the peel off when Rosie pops up. He doesn't seem all that surprised to see her. Then again, after a thousand years, not that much surprises him anyway. He manages to get his nails under the fruit's peel and finally tear the last bits off. Success!]

I stopped trying to be good a long time ago. Now, I strive only to my own standards. Would you like some?

[He holds out his hard-won fruit, listening to her talk about her packmates. It's with a pang that he remembers his family from Urulat: his mother Sorash, his god Satoris, his cousins Vorax and Tanaros. They had been his pack as the Were thought of things. All dead now these six long months he had been here.]

Pack is important. They can build you up or break you down.

video;

[fuckthechicken]

Sure sounds to me like you had a few drinks. Or maybe some of that fruit you're after is fermented and gotten to your head.

[ushahin]

[Not-so-surprisingly, this isn't the first time someone has accused Ushahin of being drunk during one of his posts. Madness and drunkenness can apparently be mistaken for one another.]

I assure you, I am completely sober. And I notice you didn't answer the initial question.

[voice]

[synthedick]

There are a lot of folks here who don't realize how good they really are.

[ushahin]

Perhaps you are one of them.

[His quiet sounding voice goes even softer. Nick had done him a kindness when he had no reason to and he hasn't yet forgotten it.]

video;

[iustitiae]

Just because you think someone else is good doesn't mean you won't learn better later.

[ushahin]

Who did you learn that lesson personally from?

[He's taking a shot in the dark, but he spent a thousand years in the company of a man who took a betrayal so to heart that he spent the rest of his life in anger. He knows the signs to look for.]

[video]

[pellameno]

That's a difficult question -- and I've been told that I see the best in people to a fault, so I might not be someone whose word you can trust.

[ He might also be considering going out to find Ushahin a knife, so he doesn't have to struggle with things like fruit peels. ]

[ushahin]

If I wanted only one opinion, I would have simply asked only one person. I wanted to hear what everyone had to say upon the matter.

[He liked to make people think. Sometimes, it felt like no one ever did unless he prompted them to.]