hadriel | I'm Just A Soul Whose Intentions Are Good

[The first thing is that the phone has been propped between two branches on a tree in the orchard. Ushahin needs both hands for the task at hand. He's trying to peel a piece of fruit that has a bright purple skin on it. The problem is that if he tries to use his good hand to peel, his bad one can't hold onto it firmly enough, so it falls. If he tries to use his bad hand to peel while his good hand holds, his crippled fingers don't have enough force to break the skin. He'll be trying both methods alternately as he speaks in his usual soft tone.]

I was thinking tonight. A dangerous pastime, to be certain, but what I was thinking was this. How many of us who have been brought here are good? [He pauses, trying to get his nails under the skin, and he fails.]

I would ask how many of you here think you are a good person but-- [And there goes the fruit again, falling out of his bad left hand. He sighs and picks it back up.] --I don't think many of us have that high of a opinion of ourselves. I know I don't. [He's shattered too many minds and killed far too many people to think he's still got a soul anywhere close to being pure.]

So I will ask this. How many of you think those who are here with you are good people? Your family and friends, how many of them are good souls? [The fruit slips from his grasp once again.]

Damn. [He's given up trying to do this the nice, neat way. He ends the video by using his good hand for support, then biting down into the peel, and using his teeth to tear it partially off. It's not the most dignified method of being able to peel the fruit, but at this point, he's too stubborn to give up.]

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Yes. She was you but not you. But then I wasn't much of myself either.

[That had been all sorts of fun, viewing her through the eyes of pure madness.]

You also scared me. That, my dear, is something precious few people have ever done.

[He doesn't necessarily mean that as a bad thing. A little fear now and then is healthy for a person. He's done it often enough to other people.]

Of course. Many of us weren't.

[Not just Rey, but Nick as well, among a few others she had bumped into during that time. Confusion's arrival had come with various unfortunate side effects, it seems -- including Confusion herself.]

Understood. You wouldn't be the first to share that sentiment. Can't say it's all thrilling to be followed by it here, though.

[There are some who revel in being feared, and the Salamander is certainly one of those. But the Rey she is now?

[Not so much.]

A little fear now and again is good for a person. And most of the time, you're not so very threatening.

[Perhaps he wouldn't be saying that if he'd actually encountered Rey on fire, especially considering she'd nearly done it to him, but Ushahin doesn't scare easily. He's seen too much to feel threatened by anything less than the monsters of his own mind.]

You know, there are some here who would even say you are good.

Um, thanks.

[Maybe. Sort of. A little.

[Well, it isn't like she tries to be scary. With a face like hers, it just usually goes without saying.]

Am trying... not to be that thing that you saw. Not again. Sometimes, it's hard, especially in this place. [Such as when Rage meddled with their emotions and nearly made her kill a teenager. It isn't her fondest memory here in the least.]

I would like to be optimistic enough to encourage you and say that you will become better than you have been, but-- [He shrugs his thin shoulders.] --sometimes, it is far easier to fall than better ourselves.

[It was why he had stopped trying long ago. When people labeled him as being one who was dark and evil, he had decided to become all that they feared.]

Am better than "her". [The Salamander, she means.] Or one could argue, anyway.

[Nick probably would. So would Firo and Muscovy.

[And her brother.

[Whether or not she believes any of them doesn't really matter, does it? It isn't about her.]

I don't imagine it's hard to be better than fire and destruction and death.

[The words aren't meant to be harsh, only pragmatic. Still, it was better to move one foot in front of the other foot than to merely stand in one spot, never changing.]

[No offense is taken, at least.]

You'd be surprised. Here, a lot of things change.

I wonder if I have changed in the time I have been here.

[It doesn't feel like he has all that much and yet...now he has friends. He's never had many of those before.]

Well, didn't know you before. Don't really know you that well now.

But you don't seem that bad.

[Not that Rey has enough to go on other than assumptions.]

[That gets Ushahin to laugh, a high-pitched sound that is completely at odds with his usual soft voice.]

I think both of our levels for judging others is rather low. But I do know there are those here who think I am good. You as well. So mayhaps we are doing something right.

Maybe. Or maybe they're sorely lacking in judgment.

[She shrugs to herself.]

Guess it doesn't matter.

Of course it matters. What are we made up of if not the opinion of ourselves and those we hold in high esteem?

Maybe. But some people can be biased with their opinions.

[It's easy for Nick to hold her in high esteem because of their relationship. A lot of people who know Rey for her actions, however, would think differently.]

Considering how low of an opinion everyone who has responded thus far to my question has, perhaps a bit of bias is a good thing.

I'm Just A Soul Whose Intentions Are Good | Video| OTA

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