I'm Just A Soul Whose Intentions Are Good | Video| OTA

[ushahin]

[The first thing is that the phone has been propped between two branches on a tree in the orchard. Ushahin needs both hands for the task at hand. He's trying to peel a piece of fruit that has a bright purple skin on it. The problem is that if he tries to use his good hand to peel, his bad one can't hold onto it firmly enough, so it falls. If he tries to use his bad hand to peel while his good hand holds, his crippled fingers don't have enough force to break the skin. He'll be trying both methods alternately as he speaks in his usual soft tone.]

I was thinking tonight. A dangerous pastime, to be certain, but what I was thinking was this. How many of us who have been brought here are good? [He pauses, trying to get his nails under the skin, and he fails.]

I would ask how many of you here think you are a good person but-- [And there goes the fruit again, falling out of his bad left hand. He sighs and picks it back up.] --I don't think many of us have that high of a opinion of ourselves. I know I don't. [He's shattered too many minds and killed far too many people to think he's still got a soul anywhere close to being pure.]

So I will ask this. How many of you think those who are here with you are good people? Your family and friends, how many of them are good souls? [The fruit slips from his grasp once again.]

Damn. [He's given up trying to do this the nice, neat way. He ends the video by using his good hand for support, then biting down into the peel, and using his teeth to tear it partially off. It's not the most dignified method of being able to peel the fruit, but at this point, he's too stubborn to give up.]

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[ushahin]

Then enjoy your misery, for we are both bound to experience much while we are here. Speaking to you, sometimes I think you enjoy holding onto it.

[Ushahin had feared nothing when he had first come here, but now after growing close to people, he fears their loss greatly. Someday, they will all leave him, through getting out of this place or just dying of old age.]

[unitas]

Don't we all cling to the familiar? [ It's far more familiar to her than anything else she's experienced in life. Pain is power and the more power she has, the more likely she can have her vengeance, get home, save her dad. ]

[ushahin]

Indeed we do. For you, it is misery and anger. For me, it is pain and madness.

[He clung to his insanity like a shield, using it to deflect what encroached around his mind, threatening to tear him to pieces and leave him ruined. He'd never give it up, for his powers could only be wielded at their full potential by a madman. They had shaped and warped him into who he was, leaving behind the man that he could've been otherwise.]

[unitas]

What a bleak future we have, then. [ Sadly, bitterly. There are no happy endings, and the world is shit, and she will never amount to more than what was done to her. ]

[ushahin]

[She sounds so sad and it makes his heart hurt. Despite how antagonistic his relationship with Sharon can be, he doesn't honestly approach the girl with malice when he usually talks to her. Ushahin never means to hurt those around him, but so often, he does.]

Cheer up, dear child. We have one thing that still remains to us.

[unitas]

And what would that be? [ She asks, tone even now and empty. ]

[ushahin]

Hope, Sharon. There is always hope.

[Coming from anyone else, the words might seem trite and cliché, but Ushahin means them sincerely.]

[unitas]

[ She laughs, sudden, a gasping sound of disbelief. Oh, hope. ]

Yeah, yeah, sure, we have hope. [ which is to say that she has none. or if she does have any, she's buried it away. there is no hope in this place. ]

[ushahin]

[He frowns and shakes his head at her. Such cynicism. Not that it's entirely unwarranted in her case, but still, it doesn't make for a good mindset.]

Believe me or not. But I do think there is a time when you will be glad to have it.

[unitas]

I really don't think so. [ Softly. It's all right. It's better to burn away your hope than to burn with it, right? ]

[ushahin]

Then I shall hold onto enough of it for the both of us.

[Someone around here has to.]

[unitas]

Why? [ Why bother? Doesn't he get that she can't stand him? That tiny acts like this don't change anything, even when they really do. ]

[ushahin]

I could tell you, but you'd just respond as you always do.

[Sorry, Sharon. He's got you pegged down already. He's had enough of her sarcasm and anger for today. Give it some time and perhaps he'll give her a straight answer.]

[unitas]

Whatever, then. [ She doesn't appreciate being called predictable like that. :| Even if she is. Even if she really, really is. ]

[ushahin]

Farewell for now, Sharon. Think about what I have said today.

[He turns the camera off. Such anger and power all in the form of a mouthy teenage girl. He does seem to be collecting them here in Hadriel.]