I'm Just A Soul Whose Intentions Are Good | Video| OTA

[ushahin]

[The first thing is that the phone has been propped between two branches on a tree in the orchard. Ushahin needs both hands for the task at hand. He's trying to peel a piece of fruit that has a bright purple skin on it. The problem is that if he tries to use his good hand to peel, his bad one can't hold onto it firmly enough, so it falls. If he tries to use his bad hand to peel while his good hand holds, his crippled fingers don't have enough force to break the skin. He'll be trying both methods alternately as he speaks in his usual soft tone.]

I was thinking tonight. A dangerous pastime, to be certain, but what I was thinking was this. How many of us who have been brought here are good? [He pauses, trying to get his nails under the skin, and he fails.]

I would ask how many of you here think you are a good person but-- [And there goes the fruit again, falling out of his bad left hand. He sighs and picks it back up.] --I don't think many of us have that high of a opinion of ourselves. I know I don't. [He's shattered too many minds and killed far too many people to think he's still got a soul anywhere close to being pure.]

So I will ask this. How many of you think those who are here with you are good people? Your family and friends, how many of them are good souls? [The fruit slips from his grasp once again.]

Damn. [He's given up trying to do this the nice, neat way. He ends the video by using his good hand for support, then biting down into the peel, and using his teeth to tear it partially off. It's not the most dignified method of being able to peel the fruit, but at this point, he's too stubborn to give up.]

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[ushahin]

[It's times like this, for all of Shadow's experience with things he knows nothing of, that Ushahin is reminded that his friend is also terribly young in some ways as well. His words cut Ushahin right to the core. Hadn't he thought many of the same things as well? If only he had done more, his family would still be intact. If only he'd done more to help turn the tide of the war, his cousins wouldn't have fallen in battle. If he'd found the bearer before he'd put out the fires of Darkhaven, his god would still be alive. He'd failed them and his punishment had been to survive when everyone he loved was dead and gone. It isn't often Ushahin feels compassion in the traditional sense of the word. His mind is too fractured for it. He feels it now.]

Oh, Shadow. You did all that you could. I know you did. Sometimes, no matter how strong or brave we are, we can't protect people from the terrible things that are going to happen to them. It is neither fair nor right, but we cannot stop them. Unless you flat-out fed them to the dragon, then they made their own choices.

[ushahin]

[He could tell Shadow that he will only disappoint himself when he ends up failing again, as that is a natural part of life. But why crush the little 'hog's spirit? He had been told that plenty of times during his own life and never listened. Sometimes, it was better to learn than to have people, however well-meaning, to prattle on.]

Apology accepted. Just don't disappear on me again. Indeed, I was worried. You push yourself so hard and expect so much of yourself.

[He feels the fur and tiny little claws of Shadow's gloveless hands between his own. Not for the first time, he wonders why he wears gloves and shoes, but no other clothing. He squeezes the hedgehog's hand gently.]

You see? Talking is painful, but it is like drawing poison from a wound. Sometimes, it gets it all out instead of holding it in.

[ushahin]

I could have.

[He definitely had the power within him.]

But I thought perhaps you were avoiding me for a reason. Maybe I had done something wrong. Too much or too little.

[Ushahin looks down. He's new to this whole concept of friendship, afraid that if he pushes too hard like he normally does, that he will lose the ones he does have.]

[ushahin]

I wouldn't do so far as to say that.

[He gives Shadow a crooked smile. He's one of the few he'll accept that opinion from.]

I merely strive for good enough.

[ushahin]

I know, but the taste is still delicious.

[After all, who doesn't love toast?]

I don't think the gods here quite understand how food works.

[ushahin]

[At the mention of fingers, Ushahin glances at the difference between his own and Shadow's. Such a curious thing, to be alike in mind, but different in form.]

The gods in my world have a human-like shape as well. Interesting, considering the variety of races they created, that they didn't look different. But human-like they were, even being able to die under the right circumstances. I wonder if the gods here can die just as easily.

[ushahin]

Mayhaps not all of them. But there are one or two that have caused far too much harm.

[His eyes dart from side to side. He's got no doubt that whatever he says out loud will get back to them eventually, but inside his mind is a different story. His next words are said directly inside Shadow's.]

I brought something with me besides the Helm when I came. A dagger called Godslayer. It can permanently wound immortal flesh and is the only thing in my world that can kill a god.

[Only with Shadow would he trust such delicate information with. If anyone else knew about it, that would cause all the troubles that had befallen him back home.]

[ushahin]

This weapon was responsible for all of the misfortune I have ever encountered in my world.

[Something slips through into Shadow's mind, the tail end of a memory. Ushahin kneeling beside a figure of a dark, shadowy god, his red eyes growing dim with death. There's a dark pool of blood beneath him. He begs Ushahin to end his pain and remove Godslayer from where it was stabbed in his chest. Ushahin complies, tears in his eyes. In the present, realizing what has happened, the half-man reels the memory back in, allowing the end of it to dissipate into a white fog.]

I have been keeping it a secret until I was sure of what needed to be done. It is not a weapon I would trust lightly around most others, for its powers are far-reaching and could have dire consequences. But I believe the time is coming where I will need to act.

[ushahin]

I don't fully know. But when I see more of the pattern, I shall be able to decide. Can I count on you to help me when the time comes?

[He gazes at his young friend. It takes steady hands and a strong heart to wield Godslayer. Physically, Ushahin cannot do it, crippled as he is with only one good hand. He must trust in his friends when the time comes. Shadow, he knows, is one of the few that are worthy to wield such a powerful weapon.]

[ushahin]

[Ushahin nods, his face kind with understanding. He'd never use Shadow the way he's used others in the past, manipulating their minds to achieve his own desires. He fears losing his friendship too much for that. He can only hope that he can convince the little hedgehog when the time is right. And it is coming. Ushahin has no way of being able to tell the future, for his abilities do not stretch that far. But he knows patterns. His own is closing in on him, the net drawing tight to reveal what it all looks like.]

You know I wouldn't use you in such a manner. You're my friend, not a means to an end. [And in his mind:] I understand, Shadow.