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hadriel2016-12-07 10:32 pm
wipedclean) wrote in hadriel2016-12-07 10:32 pm
video
[He probably should have done this as text. But he started the video, and he doesn't feel like changing it now.
Bucky's hunched over, clearly sitting in the middle of his apartment floor, the hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his head, his hair hanging in his face. He's curled in on himself, and his eyes are red-rimmed.
He looks awful.]
Steve is gone. I. I looked everywhere. For days. But he's gone.
[Angrily, he pulls his sleeve across his eyes and shakes his head.]
I can't... I don't... I don't know what to do without him.
[He sinks in on himself.]
I can't stay here. But there's no way out. What am I supposed to do?
Bucky's hunched over, clearly sitting in the middle of his apartment floor, the hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his head, his hair hanging in his face. He's curled in on himself, and his eyes are red-rimmed.
He looks awful.]
Steve is gone. I. I looked everywhere. For days. But he's gone.
[Angrily, he pulls his sleeve across his eyes and shakes his head.]
I can't... I don't... I don't know what to do without him.
[He sinks in on himself.]
I can't stay here. But there's no way out. What am I supposed to do?
Video;
Taking a breath, composing himself before he talks. ]
Hey, Bucky... Remember me? You all but carried me over the threshold, I found your chair and you found me and my dog, in a very similar scenario...
[ A pause as he lets Bucky take it in, making sure he remembers the man he's talking to. ]
You say you don't know what to do without him? But what did you do with him? You may still be able to function that way again...
[ Another pause as he looks at Bucky's body language, at the pain in his eyes and the lack of energy in his voice. ]
You're actually doing what Steve would want now, whether you realize it or not... You're grieving a loss, something normal people do. You're showing that you are able to care and it's perfectly okay... You're alive and you're here and you're doing the best you can... As horrible as it is, you're supposed to feel this way. It's hard and it hurts and it defies the point of what you have been told your purpose is, but you feel it all the same because that's the real you surfacing.
[ God it hurts Will to watch, to say what he's saying and know how Bucky is feeling. He needs to be there, he needs to see what Bucky is seeing and understand how to help him more. He takes his time before asking, then takes the dive. ]
I'm going to come over. I take it you're at your place?
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[Of course he does. Will left quite the impression. He listens to what Will says, still sinking down into himself.]
I'm not supposed to feel anything at all. I was. I was... I was happy. But I'm not allowed that either, so maybe this is punishment.
[He lets out a soft huff.]
Yeah. I'm here.
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[ Oh Bucky, you dear, lost, broken man you. You tug at Will's heart strings, you know that? He sees a lot of himself in you, the monster that's only good for one thing. But that's not the case. ]
You need to unlock the man you were, before the weapon you became... I think I can help you... It's going to be tougher than it sounds and I won't hold back on you solider.
[ Will is already slipping his arms into his coat. He's ready to drop everything to come and comfort Bucky... He recognises a desperate man when he sees one. ]
I need your room number... I've never been before.
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And honestly? Without Steve here, what's the point of remembering anything?
The door will be unlocked when Will arrives, and he'll find Bucky in the same position, curled around himself, hugging his knees, hiding behind his hair.]
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As he closes the door softly behind him, Will crouched down to the floor near to where Bucky was. He almost adopted the same position, side by side with the shaggy-haired soldier. Taking a moment to absorb the emotions and feelings that filled the room as thick as fog. ]
Bucky? ... If it's alright, I'd like you to try and look at me? ...
[ Will had to take slow and steady breaths as Bucky's sadness and loss all but consumed him. ]
You're not alone... I'm not Steve, I couldn't replace him if I wanted to... But I'm here with you. We're going to go through this together... Share the burden of grief, it's too much for one man to take alone.
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It took him some time to be able to lift his face from where it was cradled on his arms and look Will in the eyes.
But only for a moment. His gaze shifted quickly.
He hurt, so much, but it was all in his head, and he just didn't know how to deal with it. He wasn't supposed to have emotions like this. They were usually burned right out of him. So now that he was overwhelmed with them, with no clear way out available.
Will's words mostly washed over his head. He didn't really care. He just wanted Steve back.]
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The small connection of eye contact was also hard, Will wouldn't normally do such a thing, so it was actually good to see Bucky reciprocate and bothered to look. Though Will wished he hadn't... In those few seconds, Will took it all in. Buckys need to be vacant, to have his feelings removed and not have to deal with them.
He was a programmed killer, wasn't he? Will remembered the chair and what its implications for Bucky meant to him. That was it! They needed to get out of the house for this one. ]
... I need you to kill for me... Can you do that?
[ Will had a plan. ]