video

[wipedclean]

[He probably should have done this as text. But he started the video, and he doesn't feel like changing it now.

Bucky's hunched over, clearly sitting in the middle of his apartment floor, the hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his head, his hair hanging in his face. He's curled in on himself, and his eyes are red-rimmed.

He looks awful.]

Steve is gone. I. I looked everywhere. For days. But he's gone.

[Angrily, he pulls his sleeve across his eyes and shakes his head.]

I can't... I don't... I don't know what to do without him.

[He sinks in on himself.]

I can't stay here. But there's no way out. What am I supposed to do?

Comments

Video

[survivethis]

[Jill doesn't know him, but that doesn't keep her from pitying him. It's hard not to when seeing someone in that state.]

I'm sorry your friend is gone. It might not mean much right now, but there are other people here who will help you. We all help each other out, right?

[wipedclean]

[He shakes his head a little.]

I've been here too long. I need to go back.

[survivethis]

How long have you been here?

Video

[casperdisaster]

Um,

[Ooookay Noah, do not make things worse here.]

He might not be gone for good. Some of my friends - once they all left. They were gone for days and I was a wreck, but then they came back! A-and other times, one of my other friends had been gone for half a year I think, but he came back too!

[And, uh, is now gone again, but maybe let's not bring that up.]

Gone now doesn't mean gone forever.

[wipedclean]

[He frowns.]

I don't... know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

[He definitely doesn't want to be alone anymore. But he doesn't think that getting Steve back would be worth pulling Steve away from where he's supposed to be.]

[wipedclean]

I'm trying.

[He hisses it out, suddenly very angry behind his curtain of hair.]

I'm not supposed to feel like this. I know that.

audio

[unitas]

You need to pull yourself together, that's what you're supposed do. After? [ A pause. She's not certain what he thinks of the gods, or what he's willing to do to go home. ] Well, I think that depends on how much you want to go home.

audio

[wipedclean]

I. Am. Trying.

[It's growled out.]

Emotions get in the way. They're not allowed. But I can't help it. How do I make it stop?

video

[benumbing]

You live by his example, and as well as you can.

[wipedclean]

[He snorts.]

Run head first into any situation just because someone needs help and it's the right thing to do?

[He sobers and sighs.]

Maybe.

video;

[hasitsthorns]

Hey, dude.

[ Her voice is gentle. She's... been exactly where he is, actually, so it hurts a little to see. She remembers all her friends in Haven disappearing one by one. How much each time stung more than the last until she couldn't take it anymore. ]

I'm sorry about Steve. I wish I could help, too, but. I can't. At least not with what you need. [ Getting out of here, she means. If she knew how to help people home, she'd do it in a heartbeat though. ] The only thing I can do is hang out with you if wanna'. Maybe at the orchard? Something to keep your mind off of it and all.

[ It's not much, she knows, but maybe something to keep him busy will help. She can play music even and... It's a long shot, definitely, and she's not going to be surprised if he turns her down. ]

[wipedclean]

[He's quiet, considering the offer. With River gone as well, it's not like he's got many friends left in Hadriel. If any at all. And hell, maybe that's what he needs.

A distraction, yeah, and one that Steve would approve of, since he wasn't so keen on Bucky going out and killing monsters at every opportunity.

So he nods slowly.]

Okay.

video;

[closerift]

[ She doesn't know Steve or Bucky, really, wouldn't normally comment, except - ]

I know the feeling. [ She'd lost two of her closest friends and then her husband. Frankly, it sucks. ] ... There aren't any easy answers for this. I'm so sorry.

[wipedclean]

I'm not supposed to feel like this.

[He shakes his head a little.]

I'm not supposed to feel at all.

[beanstalk]

You can move on and live, or just be stupid and suicidal and just go kill yourself. [ Yeah, he went there, because he hates this whiny shit. ]

[wipedclean]

[He growls.]

You're very helpful.

[Not.]

[muscovy]

[The guy who may or may not be some kind of Russian. Hm.]

You should eat something warm.

[wipedclean]

I don't... [He looks around. He'd have to cook something, probably, warm food doesn't just appear. There might be cans of soup in the kitchen, though, from one of Steve's supply runs.]

Maybe.

[He doesn't want to get up from the floor.]

video;

[iustitiae]

[connor's quiet for a moment, like you might be if you were approaching a sad baby animal]

...Hey, it's going to be okay. Not right now, but. It will be.

[wipedclean]

[Not an inaccurate analogy, honestly, though the animal is more like a tiger.]

How do you know?

Video;

[feelslikeimspilling]

[ Oh no, this is awful! Will watched for a moment, feeling every single bit of Bucky's sorrow and confusion, it felt as if his heart would explode in his chest. So much pain and sadness. No, this isn't fair, Bucky is a good man, Will knows it, he can see it. He has to help, he owes it to Bucky, the man saved his life, carried his limp and failing body for miles to get help. He has to do the same... So to speak.

Taking a breath, composing himself before he talks. ]

Hey, Bucky... Remember me? You all but carried me over the threshold, I found your chair and you found me and my dog, in a very similar scenario...

[ A pause as he lets Bucky take it in, making sure he remembers the man he's talking to. ]

You say you don't know what to do without him? But what did you do with him? You may still be able to function that way again...

[ Another pause as he looks at Bucky's body language, at the pain in his eyes and the lack of energy in his voice. ]

You're actually doing what Steve would want now, whether you realize it or not... You're grieving a loss, something normal people do. You're showing that you are able to care and it's perfectly okay... You're alive and you're here and you're doing the best you can... As horrible as it is, you're supposed to feel this way. It's hard and it hurts and it defies the point of what you have been told your purpose is, but you feel it all the same because that's the real you surfacing.

[ God it hurts Will to watch, to say what he's saying and know how Bucky is feeling. He needs to be there, he needs to see what Bucky is seeing and understand how to help him more. He takes his time before asking, then takes the dive. ]

I'm going to come over. I take it you're at your place?

[wipedclean]

I remember you.

[Of course he does. Will left quite the impression. He listens to what Will says, still sinking down into himself.]

I'm not supposed to feel anything at all. I was. I was... I was happy. But I'm not allowed that either, so maybe this is punishment.

[He lets out a soft huff.]

Yeah. I'm here.

video

[prestonian]

...Hey, listen, I don't know you but I know what you're going through. Loss is hard, but you can overcome.

My name's Preston Garvey. If you need to unburden yourself, I'll be an ear for you.

[wipedclean]

[He shakes his head.]

Nothing else to unburden. Steve's gone. That's it.

[Yeah, there's a lot of other stuff too, but it's the usual stuff. Nothing nearly as important as Steve.]