video

[wipedclean]

[He probably should have done this as text. But he started the video, and he doesn't feel like changing it now.

Bucky's hunched over, clearly sitting in the middle of his apartment floor, the hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his head, his hair hanging in his face. He's curled in on himself, and his eyes are red-rimmed.

He looks awful.]

Steve is gone. I. I looked everywhere. For days. But he's gone.

[Angrily, he pulls his sleeve across his eyes and shakes his head.]

I can't... I don't... I don't know what to do without him.

[He sinks in on himself.]

I can't stay here. But there's no way out. What am I supposed to do?

Comments

Video

[survivethis]

[Jill doesn't know him, but that doesn't keep her from pitying him. It's hard not to when seeing someone in that state.]

I'm sorry your friend is gone. It might not mean much right now, but there are other people here who will help you. We all help each other out, right?

[wipedclean]

[He shakes his head a little.]

I've been here too long. I need to go back.

[survivethis]

How long have you been here?

[wipedclean]

Six months. [He shakes his head again.] Too long. I'm... functioning outside acceptable parameters, I need to finish the mission, I... I can't be here.

[survivethis]

[His odd words get a raised brow from her. Acceptable parameters? Is he a machine or something? He looks human, but that might not mean anything. It might be rude to ask.]

What mission?

[wipedclean]

I was supposed to kill them or enable their capture.

[It's muffled, because he's got his sleeve-covered hands over his face now.]

I arrived here in the middle of it.

Video

[casperdisaster]

Um,

[Ooookay Noah, do not make things worse here.]

He might not be gone for good. Some of my friends - once they all left. They were gone for days and I was a wreck, but then they came back! A-and other times, one of my other friends had been gone for half a year I think, but he came back too!

[And, uh, is now gone again, but maybe let's not bring that up.]

Gone now doesn't mean gone forever.

audio

[unitas]

You need to pull yourself together, that's what you're supposed do. After? [ A pause. She's not certain what he thinks of the gods, or what he's willing to do to go home. ] Well, I think that depends on how much you want to go home.

video

[benumbing]

You live by his example, and as well as you can.

[wipedclean]

I'm trying.

[He hisses it out, suddenly very angry behind his curtain of hair.]

I'm not supposed to feel like this. I know that.

[wipedclean]

[He snorts.]

Run head first into any situation just because someone needs help and it's the right thing to do?

[He sobers and sighs.]

Maybe.

audio

[wipedclean]

I. Am. Trying.

[It's growled out.]

Emotions get in the way. They're not allowed. But I can't help it. How do I make it stop?

[wipedclean]

[He frowns.]

I don't... know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

[He definitely doesn't want to be alone anymore. But he doesn't think that getting Steve back would be worth pulling Steve away from where he's supposed to be.]

[wipedclean]

[Ew no.]

No. He... wanted me to be a person.

[wipedclean]

[His voice gets very soft and his shoulders hunch down further.]

I don't know. They made me a weapon. Steve... thought I could be something else. I don't know.

[wipedclean]

[He shakes his head.]

He... helped, but he... wanted me to do it on my own. I don't know if I can.

video;

[hasitsthorns]

Hey, dude.

[ Her voice is gentle. She's... been exactly where he is, actually, so it hurts a little to see. She remembers all her friends in Haven disappearing one by one. How much each time stung more than the last until she couldn't take it anymore. ]

I'm sorry about Steve. I wish I could help, too, but. I can't. At least not with what you need. [ Getting out of here, she means. If she knew how to help people home, she'd do it in a heartbeat though. ] The only thing I can do is hang out with you if wanna'. Maybe at the orchard? Something to keep your mind off of it and all.

[ It's not much, she knows, but maybe something to keep him busy will help. She can play music even and... It's a long shot, definitely, and she's not going to be surprised if he turns her down. ]

video;

[closerift]

[ She doesn't know Steve or Bucky, really, wouldn't normally comment, except - ]

I know the feeling. [ She'd lost two of her closest friends and then her husband. Frankly, it sucks. ] ... There aren't any easy answers for this. I'm so sorry.

audio

[unitas]

...You can't. [ It's said cooly but there's some hint of sympathy underlying her words. ]

You just find ways to cope, whether that's drinking until you pass out, or slaughtering monsters in the caves, or tearing a temple down with your bare hands. It's shitty, but that's just how the cookie crumbles.

[beanstalk]

You can move on and live, or just be stupid and suicidal and just go kill yourself. [ Yeah, he went there, because he hates this whiny shit. ]

[wipedclean]

[He wipes his eyes with his sleeve and shrugs.]

Killing.

[wipedclean]

[He growls but doesn't object. He's just quiet for a moment.]

No wonder they told me emotions weren't allowed. They're useless. Distracting.

[wipedclean]

[He's quiet, considering the offer. With River gone as well, it's not like he's got many friends left in Hadriel. If any at all. And hell, maybe that's what he needs.

A distraction, yeah, and one that Steve would approve of, since he wasn't so keen on Bucky going out and killing monsters at every opportunity.

So he nods slowly.]

Okay.

[wipedclean]

[He growls.]

You're very helpful.

[Not.]

[wipedclean]

I'm not supposed to feel like this.

[He shakes his head a little.]

I'm not supposed to feel at all.