Accidental Video; Horrible Roommates Being Horrible

[darthvaderfanboy]

[The video turns on haphazardly, staring up as if someone had flung it across the room and accidentally turned it on. Which, incidentally, is exactly what happened. There's a red glare as Kylo's lightsaber comes into view. He slashes at someone just out of view, missing them, and instead taking out part of the couch.]

I've had it with you! I'll make you wish you'd died as a child!

[Then his toe hits the video, sending it spinning and landing in another spot.]

Oh like I'm going to be scared of a pathetic version of Darth Vader. You have no idea how many times I wanted to abandon you on Hoth.

[There is a loud clambering as Hux got out of the way and when the video settles he can be seen with his blaster in his hand, eyes shining with a mad fury.

He raises the blaster and fires a few shots aimed at Kylo, but a few shots hit the walls and destroy the couch.

Kylo blocks the blaster shots with an almost contemptuous ease, his lightsaber twirling in front of him in a back and forth pattern. He stops the last shot in midair, sending it sailing back towards Hux.]

Is that the best you can do? My mother is a better shot, you Tarkin-wannabe.

[Now he was just hitting below the belt.]

You did not-

[Hux barely manages to dodge the reflected blast, which hit the opposite wall, leaving a deep mark. He's back on his feet to fire a few more shots with a growl of fury. He doesn't care where they land, he just wants to make Kylo suffer.]

Oh, please, you just sit and talk to your grandfather's helmet. 'I will finish what you started' - that's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. You're just an embarrassment.

[Kylo goes very still for a moment, the video's skewed perspective making him look about seven feet tall. Everything nearby him begins to rattle with the power of the Force. Then, with a roar of fury, they all lift up, and began hurling themselves at Hux.]

I have more power than you could ever dream of! You think firing off your little superweapon gives you power? You're nothing. Just a bastard who got lucky.

[Hux's expression turns ugly, he's spent his entire life being called a bastard no matter how much he tried to put his past behind him.]

My little superweapon? The superweapon I could use to command the power of the stars when I destroyed the entire Hosnian System? I destroyed the Republic, their Senate, and their entire fleet in a moment while you sulked like a litt-

[He paused suddenly as he noticed the device, walking towards it.] You idiot, you left your phone on.

[Kylo looks over his shoulder at the phone. Great. They'd just broadcast that entire argument to the network. Now everyone knows about the Hosnian System. With a frustrated growl, he picks up a nearby lamp, and throws at Hux's head, not caring if it actually connects or not.]

This is your fault, you smug moron.

[Their physical altercation is done. The bickering is far from over.]

Comments

Video

[darthvaderfanboy]

[Huh. A skeleton. Well, that's not too weird. He comes from a galaxy where slugs are gangsters and teddy bears try to eat you.]

Please. Are you going to fail to mention how the basic concept was done thirty years before you were even both?

action & video

[therewillbeorder]

[He's glaring over at Kylo, frowning.]

I'm not taking credit for the original idea but I'm the one who did it eventually when everyone else failed.

[He has nothing more to throw thankfully.]

Like to see you invent something no one else has. But right, you failed at that too.

action & video

[darthvaderfanboy]

You're just unwilling to admit that you're standing on the shoulders of greater men than you.

[Then again, so was Kylo. Pot, meet kettle.]

action & video

[therewillbeorder]

[Hux actually cracked up laughing at that, rolling over slightly to look at Kylo.]

That's hilarious coming from you. You just try to copy Vader anyway you can. I may have developed Starkiller from past Imperial research but I actually made the weapon work and found a way for the beam to travel through hyperspace, something they failed to do.

I would like to see you do anything original that doesn't involve poorly imitating Vader.

[darthvaderfanboy]

[He reaches over and smacks Hux hard on the shoulder.]

I'm not going to listen to the man who sleeps in Tarkin's slippers. My grandfather is the greatest Sith Lord that ever lived. If I can accomplish half of what he did, I'll have done some good for the galaxy. Peace and order will come in my lifetime.

[therewillbeorder]

[He reached over to pull at Kylo's hair since that was all he could reach, huffing with annoyance.]

His slippers are comfortable and I don't talk to them or ask them for guidance.

[He misses Tarkin's slippers so much.]

Did the helmet tell you that you're going to be a great Sith Lord then?

[darthvaderfanboy]

Uh-huh. I'm sure that's why you keep them.

[Hear that skepticism in Kylo's voice? Like he's the only one emulating someone they admire around here.]

No. But he's here now. If I can get him to train me, it'll only be a matter of time.

[therewillbeorder]

You don't have to wear the boots I do, after a long day running around a large star destroyer my feet hurt and the slippers help with that.

[Which was part of the truth. The biggest reason was that he just liked wearing the slippers of Grand Moff Tarkin.]

Uh huh, I'm sure. Have you told him about your temper tantrums?

[it's his turn to be skeptical now, he just doesn't see Kylo as a serious Sith Lord.]

[darthvaderfanboy]

Maybe if you didn't wear lifts in your shoes, they wouldn't hurt so much.

[Yeah, he knows about Hux's apparent Napoleon complex. He frowns behind the mask when Hux asks about the temper tantrums.]

One, they are not temper tantrums. Two, no I haven't. [And if Hux tells him, by the Force, he'll find a way to make him regret it.]

[therewillbeorder]

Maybe if I didn't have to run across the star destroyer constantly because you destroyed something my feet wouldn't hurt so much.

[He' going to ignore the comment about the inserts in his boots. He refuses to let Kylo get so much as an inch over him.]

One, yes they are. When you don't get your way you destroy something and sulk. Two, I'm sure he'll figure it out soon enough.

[darthvaderfanboy]

It's the only exercise your scrawny, pale body gets.

[At least Kylo stays in shape thanks to being a Knight. He just doesn't stand around and give orders like some people.]

I prefer to think of it as channeling my anger. [He knows it's a childish way to deal with his problems, but he's never been taught a better solution. Mentally, he's still that young, scared child who doesn't know how to control himself.]

[therewillbeorder]

I'm lean, not scrawny.

[He's not going to argue being pale though. It was very rare that he would actually go outside.]

How about channeling it in more productive ways? Did that ever occur to you? You have no idea how many credits you've cost the First Order in repair bills because you decided to channel your anger at Finalizer

[darthvaderfanboy]

An Ewok has more muscles than you do.

[Really, they do. Those little cannibal bears are very strong for their size. And no, he's blissfully unaware of who is footing the repair bills. Being Snoke's favorite had its privileges.]

Did it ever occur to you I could have been taking it out on your crew the whole time? I've been refraining from leaving a stack of bodies wherever I go.

[therewillbeorder]

I don't see anything wrong with being lean. At least I'm able to run from one end of the star destroyer to the other without getting winded.

[Years of practice had made him a great sprinter when he needed to be somewhere quickly.]

You don't think you have? You've injured most of my officers at one time or other with your Force choking.

[darthvaderfanboy]

Eat something once in a while. That way you won't look like a stiff wind might take you out

[Or he can continue to provide ammunition for Kylo Ren to continue to insult him.]

Most of them are still alive, aren't they?

[He could've really gone all out Vader and made the turnover rate of the Finalizer much higher.]

[therewillbeorder]

I like the food here much better, at least.

[He's been skinny his entire life, it's just so rough.]

Good officers are hard to find, Ren, and they can't do their job if they are tiptoeing around you constantly.

[darthvaderfanboy]

Thank you.

[He'd love to see what Hux would do if he wasn't around to cook for him. Probably be reduced to the usual tasteless rations he had out in space.]

It's better to be feared than loved.

[therewillbeorder]

[He was most likely the only one who actually liked the rations since he could eat them quickly before rushing back to work or trying to get a few moments of sleep.]

I don't expect anyone to love you but officers and troopers are valuable resources,

[darthvaderfanboy]

Hence why most of them are still alive. Did you ever look at the old statistics of the Executor?

[One of the few records he'd bothered looking at since it was his grandfather's ship.]

They used to go through two officers during a bad month.

[therewillbeorder]

Yes, and I know Imperial officers had a betting pool on how long Piett would survive.

[Somehow the Admiral had managed to escape Vader's wrath.]

But Finalizer is different and I'm not Admiral Piett.

[darthvaderfanboy]

Then you should be thankful most of your officers are still intact. Think of what I could do if I was in a bad mood.

[It was quicker and easier to get out his emotions in short bursts of anger than letting it build up until it boiled over and he was worked up in a really furious state.]

[therewillbeorder]

Wait, you mean all this time you've been in a good mood? You could have fooled me with your sulking and just being constantly insufferable.

[darthvaderfanboy]

I'm insufferable? Have you taken a look in the mirror lately? Hux, if I wanted to, I could have torn you, your ship, and everyone in apart from the inside out. Consider it a testament to my self-restraint that I never did.

[therewillbeorder]

I am sure you can snap my neck with a thought. You and I both know that if you were determined that Snoke really wouldn't be able to stop you. And I don't think you have as much self-restraint as you think you do, you've destroyed things that later I'm sure you regretted.

[darthvaderfanboy]

Nothing that was important.

[The ship he felt was his to do with as he pleased and he had so few items in the way of personal belongings. He won't comment on having no self-restraint. He already knows it's poor.]