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Whats'a gurl gotta doo to get her mitts on sum crumpets around here? I mean, whoos I gotta blow up!? Imma doo it, I am if I gots to!

[ Tiny Tina has come to the network for one very important reason today. Her evil double twin kind of accidentally on purpose ate all of her food reserves. She did, however, leave a wonderful tin can castle, complete with moat and drawbridge from the empty cans for Tina to play with! But yea... Ate all her food. Not cool. Not cool at all. ]

Okay~ So like, Imma bee reeeel generous right 'bout now, SO LISTEN UP FOO! My sista from another mista, went and done me like Goldie Glocks went and dun dem poor ol' bears. SHE ATE ALL OF THE FOODZ! UGH! I got mutha Hubbard... I got mutah Hubbard so hard, right in the cupboard...

So~ Why is dis me bean generous I hear yoo cry~?! Simple! If yoo can make me some, oh I dunno~ Crumpets or choc-chip cookies, heck I'd even settle for a dank ass salad gurl! But yes! If sumone wants'a be so kind~ and doo me this flava, Imma make dem any kinda badass, bubblegum chewin', name takin', bra removin', super powah'd weapon of they dreams~

[ despite her tone and general butchering of language, Tina is being very, very serious. She has supplies, homemade explosives, homemade bullets and not to mention she still has some of that eridium from her homeworld of Pandora left. She's crazy and capable of anything at this point. ]

Dis is a once in a lyfe time opportunity yo. Yoo be cray cray to turn dis up. Mmm!

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[Yukari ponders for a moment whether or not he wants a weapon upgrade.

...

Actually, he can think of a certain someone who might appreciate an explosive weapon.]

Alright, I suppose I could cook you up something. Do you want something more substantial than bakery goods? I can cook you an actual dinner.

[Yukari's being a bit generous himself. Helping out someone isn't exactly something he's prone to doing, but he'll accept if he gets something out of it. And the kid's got no food supplies, so he might as well make it a decent, real meal.]

[ Tina cocked a brow, then snarled up her top lip. There was just something he said that made her feel a little grossed out. ]

...Dinner?

[ Shaking her head and looking a bit baffled. ]

What's dat? Like, hot foodz and stuff?... Or are yoo like gonna make me a dinner of crumpets on a bed of crumbled cookies?

[ She's being deadly serious. ]

[He almost regrets talking to this ruffian. Just where did she learn to speak? As far as her questions go, he's only slightly perplexed.]

I said I would cook for you whichever you wanted, didn't I? If you honestly want crumpets and cookies, I'll make you crumpets and cookies. I was just offering something that might give you a longer lasting impression.

[He huffs a moment as he gives another thought.]

...

At least let me make it a cake.

Edited 2017-02-05 20:54 (UTC)

[ She rolled her eyes, her lazy eye dragging behind before bouncing the other direction for a second. Such a disturbing looking little girl she was. It wasn't that she wasn't grateful! No, it's just that no one had ever made her a cooked meal before. She wouldn't know if she liked it or not and trying new things is not her style. ]

Longer lasting impressing? Gurl, it's just gonna get turned into poop quicker if it's hot and cooked!

[ Did she mention that she's immature? The part about a cake, though? Now that did gain her attention. ]

OMGomgOMGomgOMG!!! Cake yes, cake is good, we like cake! lets have cake! CAKE! ... Ahem... Could you make it a cookie cake? Ohohohoh! Or tea flava?

I really shouldn't but I do have a set of chocolate chip cookies not currently in use...

[Though if Road ever finds out he might not hear the end of it. This was her stash he was saving for her.]

What sort of weapons are you able to make? I think I could manage to bake some crumpets.

[Immature is right. Oh, well. He'll just have to deal with it for the moment. Yukari's eyebrows shoot up at her excitement for the cake. She is a child, after all.]

Tea flavour would probably be the easiest to make into a three-tier cake. I'll add chocolate chips to the icing. Might as well give you something that will last a few days until you can get restocked.

[If he's going to cook, he's going to use his skills, okay?]

Should I deliver it to you, or do you want to come pick it up when I tell you it's ready?

Oh-Hi~! It's mah dappa bro with the tip-top hat!

[ Waving frantically at the screen, wide and toothy (minus a few teeth she's lost recently) grin and a little chuckle under her breath as she greets him. ]

Awww~ But.. But!

[ Insert pouting face here. ]

I'm wastin' away! I needs choc-chips or I might die!

[ Flopping around dramatically, almost falling over in the process. ]

[ Hello pretty lady! Tina smiles brightly for you! ]

Oh, em, gee gurl... Is dat... Is dat your hair shawty!? It looks like bunny ears~!!

[ Sorry, your question will have to wait until she's finished fangirling over you for a moment. She has a fondness for anything that resembles a rabbit and your hair is kind of awesome. ]

[This is a very odd child, but Ikaruga simply smiles. Although how the girl could tell she's short through the phones is a mystery that will go unsolved. She does not know this slang.]

It is indeed my hair. I pin part of it up to keep it out of my way.

[ Cake is something rare where Tina is from. She mostly eats out of vending machines that house cookies and snack bars, the few times she'd managed to get her hands on something like a crumpet or salad were just as rare. So yes, a cake is a great reason to be excited! ]

A three-tier tea cake?! Omg shawty! Yesyesyesyesyes please!

[ she's bouncing up and down now, far too happy to stand still. ]

I'll come get it! I'll come NOW! Watch'chu make it up! Mhm! Mhm!

[ Sorry Yukari, you're going to have to put up with a little hyper madame wanting to watch your every move until that cake was made. ]</small.

[ Odd is a nice way of referring to Tina. She's been called worse and rightly so! As for her comment about Ikaruga's height? Tina had no clue~ Shawty was just a term of endearment. ]

I dig it, yoo rock it gurl.

[ Smiling wide and happy, pulling her own dirty blond hair up in fistfuls, trying to make it resemble the other females... All to no avail of course. ]

So~ Crumpets for a weapon huh? ... I mostly like the big ones that go KABOOM! Buuut~ if yoo holla at me what'chu lookin' for shawty, I can see what I've got!

[What an uncouth little brat.]

Fine, but don't you dare bounce around my kitchen or make a mess. Or I'll give you more to cry about than the lack of food. [He eyes her through the video.] And take a shower before you get here. If you want to bring your weapons materials so you can work while I bake, you're welcome to.

[He gives that a second thought. A small girl with explosives in his living room.]

If you can promise me you won't blow up my house.

Why, thank you.

[And this is where Ikaruga gets an idea.]

Would you prefer that I make you crumpets, or would you like me to show you how to style your hair like mine?

[Nope, still not use to that speech.]

I suppose I have no choice then. Tell me where to bring the cookies and I will come. I have nothing else to do at the moment.

[For all that he's in mourning, it'd be pretty poor form to let a kid starve. Lucky for her that the worst thing her double did was nick her supply.]

I got some leftovers 'round my place. Most of it's magic, though.

[Just means it'll never spoil, and converts to energy pretty much immediately. Bonus, right? Or maybe just a bone-us.]

[ In all honesty, Tina was probably worse to her double than they were to her! They tried to blow each other up which nice?... ]

D'aww~ Boo, I'd take your magical scraps any day!

[ Tina could honestly listen to his puns all day, but right now she's more curious about something else. ]

Hold the phone caller one! Whens yoo say magical~ Magical like how? Am'a gonna glitter when I bleed or grow a freakin' unicorn horn when I sneeze!?! Because that would be pee-ritty awesome ho!

[ Tina smiles, all deranged and unstable looking. That lazy eye of her's flicking off and bouncing to the side, like a chameleon. ]

Em excuse me ho! I wasn't cryin'!! Real badasses don't cry, they sweat from the sheer awesomeness of being a real lyfe LEGEND from they eyes, they eyes~!

[ Pointing at her eyes, making little gun symbols with her fingers before pulling the make believe triggers followed by a 'KAAAH!' sounds, lulling her head back to finish the effect. ]

Butts fo real shawty, I can't promise no thing. Dunno if I can fit all my goodies in a bag, so I can jus' work out the blueprints while you slave over my wondercake!

[ She's just going to ignore the part about her taking a shower. To be honest here... She probably hasn't have a wash in years! Yes, years! That's a habit that isn't going to change in a hurry. ]

[ It's okay Mister Mikk, not many people are. ]

Sir Fancypants, Yoo outdo yourself~

[ For you, Tyki, Tina even puts on her dressy voice. She's far too excited and hungry to think straight so this is well needed! ]

You can hit me up at my workshop, boo. Down by the stores, can't miss it! Gots me a pirate skull and bonez flag flyin' from the broken window! OmgICAN'TWAIT!! All I wanna do is nom nom NOM!

[He can't help but laugh. Cuts quite a mental image, and he's almost sad to have to shoot it down.]

Nah, nothin' like that. Just means it converts to energy straightaway. No fuss, no muss, no digestion. Pretty great for a guy like me.

[No digestive tract means food goin' right through him. Literally.]

[ Okay, that took Tina by surprise. Someone actually wanted to teach her something? Sure, she'd kick up a fuss if Ikaruga actually tried to wash or touch her hair, but it was a really sweet gesture. ]

... Yoo'd do that for me?

[ She's touched. ]

[ Oh now that really is a shame. Tina would have loved a little magical fun like that. Ah well~ ]

Yeah~ But that's because yoo're all fun and bonez!

[ It sounded great! So long as it tastes nice, preferably sweet and sickly, but she'll settle for fruity too. ]

Whats'it tastes like? Cos, if it tastes anything like raisins, we gonna have prob-dems gurl.

[Now it's Yukari's turn to roll his eyes.]

Very well, then. I'll accept that as an answer. I'll message you the address.

[He starts setting up the supplies to bake the cake with as he talks.]

Try to behave yourself.

Depends on the food. If you got magic raisins, it'll taste like raisins.

[If you got Dog Salad, it'll taste yappy. What, uh, whatever that means. Y'know, 'cause that sure is a thing. Some people eat garbage Underground, literally. No big.]

Mostly I just got hot dogs. Which...taste like hot dogs.

I try.

[Fancy half bow incoming. He's teasing right now as he gives her that courtesy.]

It's rude to keep a little lady waiting so I will hurry as fast as I can.

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