hadriel | [voice]

[Carlisle leans against Glacius, setting the communicator into his lap with a quiet sigh.]

I know, I know. I just... I believe having students gave me a sense of direction of which my life is in desperate need in this place.

I know you know--and this is a good idea, in case that needs reiterating. It contributes to the good in this place, and... it allows more people to discover how talented you are. [Glacius ruffles Carlisle's hair affectionately, but gently, then gets right to fixing it with his one intact mandible.] Just so long as it doesn't mean you stop teaching me, I'm all for it.

Now--are you feeling stressed about the purpose of your life again? Do we need to dig into that once more?

I suppose I will forever be bothered by the double-edged sword that is the nature of my affliction, especially now that we know more of how it affects me.

[And possibly others. He really doesn't like that thought.]

Perhaps if I'd never taken to healing, there would be more of me left, uneaten by this- this maw within me... but my work has been my life, devotion guiding me through dark times. I cannot imagine I would still be here without it.

[And his healing is one reason he and Glacius connected, are bonded as strongly as they are. Would he have that if he weren't a healer? If he weren't the himself he knows? There's too much uncertainty presented by the thought of other worlds, other times, other Carlisles -- he doesn't like the unknown, either.]

[Glacius looks over Carlisle's hair, makes one more pass of his mandible, then gives it one final inspection before lowering his head and returning his gaze to his partners face. Though he keeps the one arm around the clergyman, his other extends slightly forward now, resting its hand palm-up in the human's lap.] Perhaps. But would the you that would be left be who you are now? Self-preservation can only take you so far; everybody meets their end in time. And while I don't like the thought of you pushing yourself towards yours with undue quickness, choosing to help others despite the risks inherent in it is a very admirable path to walk for your life.

So... I think you already know the answer. I think you have more direction than you give yourself credit for. And that is why I support the work you do, Carlisle. Everything else... we'll figure it out. I just can't shake that feeling.

[Carlisle sets his hand atop Glacius' much larger palm, tracing the curves of the alien's fingers with his own.]

I'll admit that I have always admired your optimism in trying times. Where would I be without you?

[That gets a quiet purr out of the alien, whose fingers curl slightly into his partner's touch.] The least I can give you is a little bit of hope, my love. I know you worry about so much, so frequently. I do not want to further add to your stress; I do not want to waste what time we have with sorrow. All I want is to see you happy... I won't let what knowledge we have discerned defeat us; I won't let it defeat you.

[Glacius, as always, is a bastion of hope in Carlisle's sea of doubts. He slides his other hand beneath his partner's, encircling Glacius' palm as much as possible.]

I wonder if any other magicians in town might be familiar in working with the very vitality of an individual. The trick would be to find one that is trustworthy, as well.

See, now you're thinking. That is good. [Glacius smiles, seeming to mull it over as Carlisle holds his hand a little more intently now.] Indeed, finding someone who we would actually trust to tamper in such a way would be... exceedingly difficult. If they were to prove themselves to have ill intent, or even likely to make a mistake, the consequences in such matters could be... well... rather dire. We stand to gain so much... or lose everything.

[And that's a discomforting thought. A cold breath flutters flow the alien's gills; he lifts his gaze to look to Carlisle again.] I still think, however, that they compatibility of our energies is fortuitous. I... I wouldn't be averse to the idea of you... drinking from mine should you need them.

[Carlisle's expression falters.]

I would... rather not lose your energies to this chasm, as well.

[He was already worried about bringing down his partner on account of his curse; he didn't realize how literal that could be.]

[Upon seeming that inner struggle in his partner's expression, Glacius immediately leans in and nudges the human's face with his own.] You won't. We have proven already that your curse cannot taint my will or my soul. With time, rest, and nourishment, my own energies can restore themselves quite easily... and I would rather expend them for your life rather than on conflict or strife. I... I have a chance to make a difference here, in a way more nourishing than my usual defense. If you think it can help, then... I want to try it. As often as you need.

[His brow knits tighter.]

I... I won't feed off you like some kind of soul-devouring vampire, Glacius.

[But despite the harsh bitterness in his tone at the mere thought of comparing himself to a filthy undead, Carlisle hesitated in his insistence. He wants so badly to be with Glacius for as long as possible that even his convictions are shifting, ever so slowly like ice in a frozen lake. Desperate times, after all... and given what they discovered through their connection, he doesn't know just how much time he even has.

And if he's honest with himself (which he often isn't), the thought of leaving Glacius alone and heartbroken is even more frightening than that of his own demise.]

[A snort gusts from Glacius' nostrils.] Don't be so dramatic, my partner. Sharing of energies is something my people do for one another. It is nothing so dire as "soul devouring"--it is just another way of showing my support and love for you. And given how well you know me, you know that I will take--and make--any opportunity to do so that I can.

Edited 2017-08-22 13:55 (UTC)

[Carlisle's hands fidget with Glacius' fingers; he focuses on the soothing coolness of the ice and the curvature of his partner's peculiar anatomy as he tries to stifle his own doubts. Glacius does seem very insistent about this... and he would hate to dash the alien's spirits by declining his help.

And to be fair, he doesn't know it won't help. It is worth a try.]

I... suppose it couldn't hurt to try. As long as you believe you will be okay.

[Glacius tilts his head as Carlisle fidgets with his fingers, then decides to take matters into his own hands when it comes to trying to quash his partner's doubts. Before he can look away or so much as lower his head, the clergyman will feel the curves of that peculiar anatomy pressing up right underneath his jaw as the alien presses his smooth, glossy forehead to him with another little chuff.] Come now... don't be so glum. This is a gift, what you've given me--having someone that I care about enough to want to share with in the first place. I am much happier now than I was walling myself off, keeping it all to myself.

Edited 2017-08-22 21:07 (UTC)

[As Glacius nuzzles beneath his jaw, Carlisle can't help but smile just a little; he brings one hand to rest at the side of his partner's face, a gestural acceptance of his affection. He tries to keep his uncertainty from his voice as he rests his own head against Glacius', letting the chill of the warrior's icy layer numb him.]

How does one go about nourishing themselves on the energies of another?

[Glacius goes completely still when he feels Carlisle lean against him, frozen in place like a statue save for the fluttering of his gills and the slight tug of a smile at his features.] What? Carlisle, you already know how. All I have to do is open a link between us, and you may drink from the cool rivers of my vitality for as long as you need.

Ah.

[Thankfully, that's not as terrible an option as feeding off Glacius like "some kind of soul-devouring vampire," as he'd put it before; however, he's not sure the feeling he gets from his own energies mingling with Glacius' has any potential for sustainability, given how quickly it seems to fade once their connection is broken. The state of his arms when he opens his aural channels to the influx of Glacius' energy is also something to be concerned with; even now, they sting at the thought.

He sighs quietly, knowing he should voice his thoughts before Glacius asks about them.]

I should, perhaps, acclimate to the flow of such incredible energy through my body before I attempt to drink from its source.

Well--yes. Hopefully through practice you can come to understand that you need not subject yourself to a constant influx of said energy. Though that feeling of connection to me will always be there so long as you are linked to the Mote--you will always be able to feel my presence in it-- remember what I said: my energies will work with you. You need only draw from them when you need to.

[He pauses, trying to think about how to better describe all of this to Carlisle. He's learned, through a fleeting snatch of shared thoughts with his partner via the Mote, that rivers in particular can be a tricky analogy for his partner. So... something else instead, something safer and closer to the clergyman's heart.] Think of it like your gardening. You do not want to drown the saplings or the seeds in too much water, nor do you want to bury them under too much earth. The goal is not to overwhelm--it is to nourish, so that you may emerge stronger.

[Water is often a dangerous comparison for Carlisle: he associates it too much with the rivers near Bear Den, and times where he felt he had nothing left. The ever-moving river threatens to drag him in and under, his entire being funneled into the depths below, never to return. It's fitting, in a way.

While he's starting to associate water with Glacius more and more, gardening will always be a softer spot for him, one he knows well. He's glad he's rubbed off on his partner in such a way that he'd turn to a comparison familiar to the clergyman, even if herbalism is a relatively new skill for the alien himself.]

I understand, Glacius. As tempting as it may be to inundate myself, I need to remember the limits of my physical frame.

[He squeezes Glacius' hand.]

I appreciate your patience in all this.

[Especially considering how little time they may potentially have. Every moment wasted feels that much worse.]

Something to that effect. In any case, do not worry--through time and exposure, I am sure your body will learn to accept more and more of it. Let's start slowly, my young but strong sapling.

[Glacius, though still trying to remain absolutely motionless for his partner's comfort, does squeeze Carlisle's hand back--gentle and careful as always.] But of course. This, as everything we have done together thus far, is a learning experience... and I am extremely invested in it. What kind of partner would I be if I did not dedicate myself to making the adjustment as easy and comfortable as possible for you?

You have been nothing but an ideal partner, though I admit I haven't much of a basis for comparison.

[Or a basis at all, given the way his life has been up until now. Though he considers himself extremely lucky to have someone like Glacius at his side, he does worry the alien will have regrets when he is gone. He could have had someone who would live longer, someone more like him—

Carlisle swallows that thought down. Glacius wouldn't approve, and he knows it.]

I do admit that I wonder what lengths I would go to in my desperation to stay with you.

Edited 2017-08-23 04:02 (UTC)

So I have to set the standard, hmm? [Glacius replies, joking clear in his tone. He should hope that Carlisle never feels the urge to start looking for others, where he would need a basis for comparison to start with.

Thankfully, that next musing shows that it currently couldn't be further from Carlisle's mind. The alien, still locked in place, smiles tentatively.] Just don't do anything too foolhardy... for I want you well, yes? And I'll try to keep the same thing in mind, given I feel that same urge to protect and hold to what we have with all that I am. I... can't quite risk myself like I could before, when it was just me against the world and I knew other marshals could pick up where I left off should I fall. [External affairs were one thing to take over. Loving Carlisle... well, Glacius would like to think he's the only one both qualified and desired for the job.]

[If the soft smile Carlisle presents Glacius with in response says anything, it's that the alien is indeed the only one he considered qualified and desired for such taxing work.]

It has never been in my nature to be foolhardy... though I wonder just how true that is, given the circumstances I have been living in for some time.

[His work is so vital to him that he cannot see himself without it; however, he can't deny that he might be inching himself closer to a terrible end the more he expends his energy, pushing it through his aural channels.]

I'll have to take measure of such things in the future. Be careful not to push myself to exhaustion unless absolutely necessary. Far more difficult will be managing my energies when the gods take hold of our minds.

Edited 2017-08-24 02:40 (UTC)

[For his part, Glacius seems heartened by Carlisle actually planning and approaching the subject with care; it helps him a lot to feel like they're being proactive, like there's something they can do about this.] Yes, certainly be wary with how far you push yourself. I promise that I will be right here beside you-- to lessen the amount of times where such overexertion becomes necessary, to nurse you back to health should it happen despite our careful planning... and to make sure that whatever dominion the gods try to exert over you is broken. We've proved it's possible, after all... we just need to stay close, and keep our hearts open to one another.

Right.

[He leans against Glacius again, his mind turning over the potential and the possibilities. What are the chances that they'll find someone or something that could seal the maw that dwells within him? Would it come through the Door, born of another world? Or would they have to bargain for it?

He'd do nearly anything to stay by Glacius' side longer than the scant years he has left, but even Carlisle has his limits.]

If you could, Glacius... promise me that you'll not turn to the false gods for a solution to this... predicament I am in, no matter how desperate you may become to keep my life from dissipating entirely.

[♥]

[♥ ;3;]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject