hadriel | two ❀ voice

Entry tags:

two ❀ voice

[Adam is not terribly fond of posting on the network, where anyone can hear and respond, but this is kind of important. He doesn't sound nervous, just - very controlled as he jumps right into it.]

So, I know of at least a couple of people who were here in Hadriel before, left, and then came back. Neither of them have memories of their initial time here.

I'm interested in anyone else who's had the same thing happen, but - I guess this is also a warning. The Door must do something to us when we leave, something that makes us forget the things that happened here. It's up to you whether you think that's good or bad, but everyone deserves to know.

And if anyone has left and come back but does remember things, say something. So far this seems universal, but there's no way to be sure yet.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Not for me it isn't.

[Not even during some choice times in his life where it possibly could have been. It's just not the kind of person he is, for which everyone should probably be thankful.

But Ronan sets that aside and instead dips his knee over until it bumps against Adam's own, by means of getting the other boy's attention and focusing back on the conversation at hand.]

Can I?

[He turns a little toward Ronan, leaning against the headboard of his bed. As if Ronan had ever lost his attention, even for a moment. He nudges Ronan's knee in return, though he's still a bit shy about - well. All of this. But shy isn't the same as hesitant.]

Yeah.

[Permission granted, Ronan lets himself smile, like he's won something here somehow and slips forward to kiss him.

He knows that he probably doesn't have to ask. That Adam's answer is likely to be yes, always, after months of wanting and longer of waiting, but he likes asking. He likes the confirmation of where they are, of what Adam wants, of the fact that this is okay now. He likes giving Adam that power, making it clear that he has it, and letting him decide. He likes a lot of things.

He likes this. The kiss is light, sweet almost, and Ronan has kissed him harder than this but some part of him still enjoys this sort of thing- being gentle with him, careful, but sure all the same.]

[It's deeply unlikely Adam's answer will ever be no, but Adam still likes being asked. He likes the carefulness of it, uncontrolled Ronan respecting his boundaries enough to ask, to let him decide. He really can't imagine saying no, though.

He reaches to take Ronan's hand between his, tangling their fingers together as Ronan kisses him.]

Hmm. Okay, you're pretty good at that.

[He teases, just a little, and leans in for another kiss.]

Fuckhead.

[He says it affectionately though, and Ronan pecks back at the second kiss, squeezing Adam's fingers in his own. It doesn't take him long to remember that they're both sitting on Adam's bed and it still feels like too soon for things to grow more heated, and so he breaks away with a little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth and wraps his free arm around his knees.]

You'd probably freak out if I did that out of nowhere, though.

[The same way Ronan asked before kissing him, Adam isn't going to push for anything Ronan isn't comfortable with, so he doesn't go after another kiss or anything more. He keeps hold of Ronan's hand, though, wanting still to get used to this.]

I don't know. I knew you liked me - well, I thought you might, anyway. It wouldn't be such a shock.

[Though no doubt he'd be a little scared and a lot uncertain.]

What about you? Would you believe me if I told you, if you didn't remember?

[He kind of wants to be offended about the idea (or rather, the fact) that Adam knew, but it's difficult to care so much about his own damaged pride when Adam is next to him like this, with their fingers tangled together.

Nevertheless, Ronan makes an unintelligible grunt at the question, considering it for a moment.]

I guess so, yeah. After I made sure you weren't a dream.

I'd find a way to prove it. I have before.

[He lets his thumb drift across Ronan's fingers, stroking gently. He's curious, voice soft.]

Have you dreamed that before?

Dreamed what?

[He asks, tilting his head back.]

You in general, or you telling me about shit I don't remember?

Me in general, I guess.

[He looks at Ronan, a little worried that this is too personal, despite the fact they were just kissing.]

Or me telling you we're together.

Oh.

[That second part, he wasn't quite expecting, and Ronan isn't sure how to answer that. He presses his lips in a thin line, taking his hand away from Adam and leaning forward with his chest against his legs, arms casually draping over his knees.

That's not an easy question to answer.]

You in general, yes. [Even though it feels like a weakness somehow, admitting it, Ronan is honest. He's always going to be honest, but especially about something like this. Adam wants to know and there's no reason not to tell him, save for Ronan's pride and the vulnerability that comes with hinting at the depth of his feeling.]

You telling me- I mean... for starters, you're speaking Latin.

[As if that's going to deter it. Ronan glances back for a moment, meeting Adam's eyes before he cuts away, the corner of his mouth going a little tight- afraid, of course, but also a little darkly amused at the subject matter.]

-and, you know. Sometimes it's more implied.

[He did ask, and if it's - well, more of an answer than Adam expected, that doesn't mean he's disturbed by it. Or frightened. It gives him pause for a moment, though. He brings his own legs up, wrapping his arms around them now that Ronan's let go of his hand.

Then he looks at Ronan, speculatively. He wonders if Ronan thinks he's going to get a negative reaction.]

Sum tuus. Tibi sunt mea.

[He smiles, just a little. Come on, Ronan, he can speak Latin even outside your dreams.]

That kind of thing?

[And what can he even say, about - well - the rest of it? He's dreamed of Ronan. Knowing that Ronan has dreamed of him as well is flattering. More than flattering. He'll remember it, later.]

[He's honestly not sure what kind of reaction he's expecting. Ronan doesn't typically reveal private things very often, particularly details about his dreams. He knows that Adam can be shy, that Adam can be sweet- he doesn't know the rest of it. He wants to, he gets the feeling like he's going to learn sooner or later, but this sort of thing is still untreaded ground.

The Latin makes him crack into a small smile, and he nods in agreement, his posture loosening a little.]

Sum tuus.

[But yes, that kind of thing. The other part of Ronan's confession can go on without discussion for now, which he's thankful for. Adam still doesn't seem too put-out by it though, and so Ronan leans in again, bumping against Adam's shoulder in a reprimanding motion.]

You know damn well. [And then, just to make things fair-] What about you, hm? Your dreams?

[He laughs quietly, relaxing a little because Ronan smiled, because Ronan isn't getting angry. They're still feeling each other out, Adam knows. He doesn't have the first idea what Ronan will be like in a - in a relationship, if that is what they're doing, and he guesses it is. He doesn't know if Ronan will like the sort of boyfriend Adam is. They both have to figure these things out, and yeah, it makes Adam a little nervous sometimes.

But everything's all right for the moment. He raises an eyebrow at the question, lips quirking, amused.]

What about my dreams, Lynch? You want details?

[Because he's not sure either of them are ready for that. But Adam's always been a bit of a smartass with his friends. This is just a more teasing side of that.]

You've been in them, if that's what you're asking. Implying things.

[Well. Ronan did ask. But somehow, knowing that he's been in Adam's dreams, even if it's only implied to have been a more, uh- nonverbal dream, is a bit more than he'd bargained for.

Ronan doesn't flush easy- it's not that his complexion doesn't allow for it, but rather, he doesn't allow himself to feel embarrassed or shy about anything. But now, he can feel the heat rising in his cheeks and he clenches his teeth together to try and keep himself from any further stupid reactions, so this doesn't get out of hand.]

Maybe that is what I'm asking.

[His voice is low, and Ronan doesn't reach over to touch Adam again, but their closeness now is enough. He should probably make an exit soon. He doesn't want to, but he also is well aware that their playful banter might go a little far if he stays, especially considering the subject matter at hand.]

-you'd have to convince me that it wasn't a dream somehow. About- the earlier stuff, I mean.

[He looks at Ronan, a sidelong glance that takes in his posture, the faint flush on his pale skin, and it's going to take awhile before Adam can really believe that he's the one who can cause that sort of thing. It's a strange feeling, knowing that he, of all people, can throw Ronan off-balance a little. He likes it.]

I'll give you details someday. If you want.

[And he's pretty sure Ronan doesn't want that right now, which is good, because Adam doubts that he'd actually be able to. But someday, when they're more comfortable with each other - when they've figured things out - then, maybe. They haven't even talked about boundaries and caution and what they want. Adam can't push it too far. He accepts the change of subject that Ronan offers, leaving the rest behind, for the moment.]

Don't worry about that. I have plenty of other scars you haven't seen.

[His lips quirk at that, a touch bitter, but he's trying very hard to keep it light.]

Or I could tell you secrets. I think I could convince you I'm not one of your dreams.

[Ronan appreciates the shift in tone, even if the subject is a little less fun to think about. His gaze drops for a moment when Adam mentions his scars, and Ronan knows that someday he's going to memorize all of them, but it doesn't take the sting away from knowing that they're there, that there's more than the ones he already knows about.]

You're a smart guy. I'm sure you'd figure it out.

[As tempted as he is to ask for a secret now, Ronan reminds himself that if he did, then it wouldn't be a secret anymore, and Adam would have one less venue to use to convince him.

Doesn't mean he's not tempted.]

Anything else you'd want to know- or not know? If you forgot everything, I mean.

[He rests his head back against his headboard for a moment, thinking.]

Everything. I'd want to know it all, even the bad parts.

[That should be no surprise. Adam isn't the type to accept gentle lies, omissions to make him feel better. He wants the truth, as painful or unpleasant as it might be. But then, gentle lies never really had a place in his life from the beginning. He wouldn't know how to react to them. He wouldn't believe them.]

But I know you'd be honest with me.

[If nothing else, he can always count on Ronan for that.]

What about you?

Everything.

[Ronan grins at Adam then, unable to hold back a small swell of satisfaction at that- that Adam wouldn't shy away from the unpleasant parts of this, that he'd want to know the blunt and real truth of it, just as much as Ronan would.]

It happened, right? [He nudges Adam with his elbow then, allowing a thin smile. It's good that they're both on the same page about this- and, part of him thinks, it's good that they can have this conversation. It's like being an organ donor or something- the question is impossible to ask when it's actually relevant.]

We might as well know it.

Exactly.

[He didn't really have much doubt that Ronan would feel the same as him, but it's an odd comfort to know for sure. He smiles, more in response to Ronan's grin and the way it makes his heart beat faster than for any other reason.]

Better to know, and figure out how to deal with it, than to walk around in ignorance.

[Adam can't blame Gansey for wanting to know everything, either, even if some of it is hard to talk about. It would be no easier for any of them, he thinks, but they'd all rather know.]

But I'd really prefer it if neither of us forgot anything.

[Ronan remembers seeing Adam smile once, months ago, and deciding that it looked good on him. That he didn't do it enough. At the time, he hadn't been vain enough to think that he could even want to be the cause of such an expression, not with any sort of regularity.

But he is here and now, and it fills him with an indescribable warmth.]

No shit.

[He leans in again, nudging his cold nose against Adam's cheek.]

I'd hate myself if I ever forgot this.

[He swallows a laugh - though Ronan has said nothing funny, sometimes the two of them, this affection, feels so impossible and incredible that it makes Adam want to laugh in disbelief. He raises a hand instead, to touch Ronan's cheek gently.]

I won't let you. Believe me, after everything, I'm not making us go through that again.

[Adam definitely doesn't have the patience for that, not when he knows how nice it can be.]

But you're not gonna forget, and neither am I.

[He nods at the promise, even though he knows that there's no way that Adam can ensure that it never happens. He believes it won't, which has to be enough for now- and besides, Ronan can't exactly dread anything horrific in their future when he has the warmth of Adam's fingers and the hard line of his jaw pressed against his skin.]

Never.

[Ronan promises it back. And the thing is, he doesn't lie- so they'll just have to make sure that it stays true. It's easier now to settle against him, and he eases down so he can rest his cheek against Adam's shoulder, after everything, just letting the calm of this moment bleed into his memory.

Whatever's there, he thinks, whatever happens to them- it's worth it, just for this.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

two ❀ voice

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]

[offline]