audio.

[ex_break829]

Man. Man. You guys are just, ahahah, just a riot. The guy tied to his bed, the guy trapped in his room, that one weird couple having a blow-out — like, hello, you know we can all see that, right? [ he gives a sigh-chuckle. ] Ahh, bandits.

Aaaanyway, just wanted to check in with everyone, say hi, introduce myself. It's Handsome Jack — yes, the Handsome is legally part of my name, yes, you can just call me Jack, though I will also respond to "sir" and occasionally, "daddy". Some of you have already met me: I'd do shout outs but I've mostlyyy, uh, forgotten all your names? Sorry, kids. Thanks for helping me kill those ugly titty monsters. There's always a job for you at Hyperion.

One last thing, promise I'll make it quick. Space travel. If you know shit about building something that can leave atmo, see me after class. If you know anything about what galaxy and sector we're in, raise your hand. If you're riding out in the desert on one'a these divine spirit quests and you think "boy, that old hunk of scrap looks like it could be useful in constructing a rocket!"? Gimme a call. There could be something in it for you.

Okay kids, that's all for now. Remember to check bloodflow to your partner's bound hands every hour so they don't lose 'em. Jack out.

Comments

[voice]

[tongueamok]

It was not a blowout!

[And they're not weird, but that's apparently the word he takes umbrage with.]

It was an argument instigated by the foul scheming of false gods, one that wouldn't have happened if they would leave us be. And furthermore, it was none of your business.

[Arguments he shouldn't make when the post in question is public: that one, probably.]

[ex_break829]

Way I see it, it's in my ear, it's my business. You two cute kids kiss and make up yet?

[tongueamok]

We're not children.

[Boy, that sure is what an adult would say.]

[ex_break829]

[ Not even skipping a beat, the eyeroll audible. ]

You two cute adults kiss and make up yet?

[tongueamok]

How we choose to express intimacy between one another is none of your business, either!

[ex_break829]

Ohhhhh my god, throw me a friggin bone here, there is nothing else interesting happening.

[tongueamok]

... I don't see what bones have to do with any of this.

[Forgive him, he's not up-to-date on most slang.]

Are the machinations of false deities not interesting enough for you? Perhaps you should throw yourself at their feet and beg to be manipulated if it would soothe your apparent boredom.

[audio]

[murderpotato]

I swear to fuckin' God, if you even fuckin' think the word daddy one more time, I'm really gonna fuckin' shove that peashooter you call a gun all the way up your ass.

[As opposed to that time when he only threatened to shove Jack's gun up his ass without any real intention of following through. He'll do it this time, he means it. He's heard too many goddamn people refer to themselves unironically as 'daddy', he's not having this shit. He Will Not tolerate it.]

audio

[64th]

Bullshit. Your name is not Handsome, unless you charged it to that.

[ex_break829]

You reading minds now, sweetheart?

[ The shit-eating grin is audible: it's obvious he's thinking the word just for you, asshole. ]

[ex_break829]

Hey, maybe I did. Guy's gotta stay on brand.

[ex_break829]

Maybe I'm just better at keepin' it all on the inside than you goddamn schmucks.

[ He's already maximum yandere. ]

What I'm looking for is entertainment. You can't just get me invested in you and— and the other guy, what'shisname, and then just not tell me if there's a happy ending.

[tongueamok]

If you are looking for entertainment, perhaps you should take up a proper hobby.

audio

[toiletseat_girl]

I refuse to believe that anyone willingly called you "daddy."

[ex_break829]

See, that's where you're wrong. I mean, granted it eventually became dad. Little girls just grow up so fast.

[ Wait, what did you think he was talking about? 🙂 ]

[ex_break829]

Yeah? Got any suggestions?

[toiletseat_girl]

I also refuse to believe that you're a father.

[nothing. shut up. :( ]

[ex_break829]

Whaaat! You got me all wrong, kiddo. As it happens, I'm actually the world's best dad. Got the mug and everything.

[murderpotato]

This is gonna be a public fuckin' service.

[It's basically community service, right? Shutting this asshole up through the vigorous rectal insertion of a firearm, but in like, not a kinky way. Gren is not going to call you daddy, Jack, he's older than you and also no.]

Hope you weren't real fuckin' attached to that gun, because where it's goin', you ain't gettin' it back.

[audio]

[sciencelizard]

[A large, large amount of this goes over her head. But the last part gets her attention, enough that she pushes past a bit of her concern over the other statements to actually ask.]

Why do you w-want to make a rocket? The city, uhm, moves, so it'd be hard to pinpoint where we actually are in space...

[ex_break829]

Simmer down, daddy's too busy to play.

[ Hey, when you're damned if you do and damned if you don't ... ]

I got shit to do, don't make me shoot your other arm off.

[tongueamok]

Reading. Artistry. Taxidermy. Literally anything but what you're doing here.

[murderpotato]

[Oh, good, Gren's blood pressure has probably reached new highs. And he'd been doing so well with that lately.]

After seein' how many shots it takes you to fuckin' kill anything? I like my chances.

[Hyperion pistols suck okay.]

video;

[restinglichface]

What about dickhead? Do you respond to that one?

[ex_break829]

I'd probably wanna start by finding out the propulsion needed to exit this planet's gravitational pull before I started thinking 'bout anything that needs navigation. Then maybe a satellite to serve as a static beacon, that doesn't move with the city. Provides a fixed point to map from. Stop me if I start going over your head.