audio.

[ex_break829]

Man. Man. You guys are just, ahahah, just a riot. The guy tied to his bed, the guy trapped in his room, that one weird couple having a blow-out — like, hello, you know we can all see that, right? [ he gives a sigh-chuckle. ] Ahh, bandits.

Aaaanyway, just wanted to check in with everyone, say hi, introduce myself. It's Handsome Jack — yes, the Handsome is legally part of my name, yes, you can just call me Jack, though I will also respond to "sir" and occasionally, "daddy". Some of you have already met me: I'd do shout outs but I've mostlyyy, uh, forgotten all your names? Sorry, kids. Thanks for helping me kill those ugly titty monsters. There's always a job for you at Hyperion.

One last thing, promise I'll make it quick. Space travel. If you know shit about building something that can leave atmo, see me after class. If you know anything about what galaxy and sector we're in, raise your hand. If you're riding out in the desert on one'a these divine spirit quests and you think "boy, that old hunk of scrap looks like it could be useful in constructing a rocket!"? Gimme a call. There could be something in it for you.

Okay kids, that's all for now. Remember to check bloodflow to your partner's bound hands every hour so they don't lose 'em. Jack out.

Comments

[voice]

[tongueamok]

It was not a blowout!

[And they're not weird, but that's apparently the word he takes umbrage with.]

It was an argument instigated by the foul scheming of false gods, one that wouldn't have happened if they would leave us be. And furthermore, it was none of your business.

[Arguments he shouldn't make when the post in question is public: that one, probably.]

[ex_break829]

Way I see it, it's in my ear, it's my business. You two cute kids kiss and make up yet?

[audio]

[murderpotato]

I swear to fuckin' God, if you even fuckin' think the word daddy one more time, I'm really gonna fuckin' shove that peashooter you call a gun all the way up your ass.

[As opposed to that time when he only threatened to shove Jack's gun up his ass without any real intention of following through. He'll do it this time, he means it. He's heard too many goddamn people refer to themselves unironically as 'daddy', he's not having this shit. He Will Not tolerate it.]

[ex_break829]

You reading minds now, sweetheart?

[ The shit-eating grin is audible: it's obvious he's thinking the word just for you, asshole. ]

audio

[64th]

Bullshit. Your name is not Handsome, unless you charged it to that.

[ex_break829]

Hey, maybe I did. Guy's gotta stay on brand.

audio

[toiletseat_girl]

I refuse to believe that anyone willingly called you "daddy."

[ex_break829]

See, that's where you're wrong. I mean, granted it eventually became dad. Little girls just grow up so fast.

[ Wait, what did you think he was talking about? 🙂 ]

[audio]

[sciencelizard]

[A large, large amount of this goes over her head. But the last part gets her attention, enough that she pushes past a bit of her concern over the other statements to actually ask.]

Why do you w-want to make a rocket? The city, uhm, moves, so it'd be hard to pinpoint where we actually are in space...

[ex_break829]

I'd probably wanna start by finding out the propulsion needed to exit this planet's gravitational pull before I started thinking 'bout anything that needs navigation. Then maybe a satellite to serve as a static beacon, that doesn't move with the city. Provides a fixed point to map from. Stop me if I start going over your head.

video;

[restinglichface]

What about dickhead? Do you respond to that one?

voice only because fuck you he's busy

[ex_break829]

Hey! Check it out, it's the bitch who tried to kill me! How you doin', sweetie.

( text )

[ghoulaid]

why do you say "jack out" when you could be saying "jack off"...this rly let me down

but why do you wanna go to space. there aint nothin there???? & u will die or whatev???

[ex_break829]

i try to keep my broadcasts kid friendly

shit in space:
other planets
not this planet
places that aren't here

[voice]

[lovernotafighter]

Dude, next you'll be giving them a PSA about safewords. If they don't know this already, they shouldn't be doing it; that's, like, bondage 101.

[But really? This was perhaps his favorite post so far about the network: bondage talk and someone wanting to know about space? Count him the fuck in.]

So what, is this knowledge just for you or are you planning on sharing it with the class when you get it? Because I'd really like to get our asses home if I can; we retired to avoid bullshit like this.

[ex_break829]

Look, it's friggin amateur hour round here, a reminder can't hurt.

[ He sighs. ]

Space program wasn't built in a day. We're gonna need all hands on deck to even get off the ground once.

[ So no, for once, he isn't being a selfish dick about this — even Jack knows he can't do this alone. ]

Who's we? You got a team?

Video

[evocation]

Oh my God, this is so fucking gross, dude.

audio.

[ex_break829]

What, you don't like space?

[hot_mes]

[and in complete contrast to...well, half this post...]

Times I'm thankful I got a ride out when it was offered? Right now. What the hell is wrong this time?

[ex_break829]

Hey, do I look like an expert in whatever weird shit happens here?

[ You know he's not, Law. ]

I'm just enjoying watching it play out.

[Audio]

[bespectacledsnake]

Well that begs the question: are you particularly handsome? Or is it more like when parents name their children Honor and Chastity in the misguided hope that maybe somehow it will help them locate those qualities in their future?

[ex_break829]

Babe, I'm the handsomest.

[ Or so everyone tells him. On pain of death. ]

audio

[coheres]

[ There's someone laughing. Oh my god. Daddy. Oh my god. And he really wants everyone to call him Handsome Jack. ]

You don't think your name is kind of misleading? [ She's not sour over being choked ok. And while his talk of space peaks her interest, she has some serious doubts that space shipping off the planet will get any of them home. ]

[ex_break829]

Uhhh, no? I feel like I'm living up to it just fine.

[badchoicesmadeeasy]

If we could actually find out where the hell in the galaxy we are, it wouldn't be so hard to get out of here, probably.

[ Not that there's any spaceships around, but, whatever. It'd help. ]

[ex_break829]

Yeah, I mean, that's why I'm asking. Universal geography was always my weakest subject.

[text]

[nowherewolf]

2 questions
what might be in it for us
and why do u keep calling us bandits

[ex_break829]

1. money, i guess? food? your name on the side of the first satellite we launch? a medal? some more bdsm tips?? this is all just off the top of my head

2. its a pejorative term for backwater hicks who would rather kill each other for fun than get the hell out of their shitty town and make something of emselves