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[handofsilver]

I have a thing to ask; a thing that is not acceptable in my world, but it is part of my story and I think I must acknowledge it. I have noticed that other residents of Hadriel share half of my inclination, at least, and I must ask:

Is it possible for one man or woman to be attracted to both genders? I mean no offense. I admit that my first love - unrequited - was female. My wife was surely female! But there was a male...briefly...though he was naught but a monster seeking to ravage the world.

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[handofsilver]

My mistake could very well lead to the end of my world.

[swiftlet]

May I ask why?

[handofsilver]

I created rings of power. They were meant to augment and even give power to those who wore them. The leading races are in possession of them. The monster made another ring, in secret, that can rule all the others. That would give him power over the leaders of Men, Dwarves and Elves.

[swiftlet]

How is that your fault?

[handofsilver]

The monster is the one who instructed me on making the rings. He did so with one goal in mind. Domination.

[swiftlet]

[There's a bit of a pause while he considers telling the next story--whether his hostling would like it or not--but eventually he does respond. It isn't as if it's a secret. Everyhar knows of Cobweb's tragedy.]

My hostling, Cobweb, made a choice, once, and he would say that it changed the world forever. He left his home and his people for what he believed was the love of my father, only to find later that he'd been charmed by a beast who only wanted somehar pretty enough to give him children. Like me.

Terzian brutalized and hurt and took advantage of Cobweb badly--more, I'm sure, than I knew as a harling or than he would ever tell me, but he tried. He did his best. He kept himself, or tried to. He sacrificed so many things to keep me safe and it wasn't until later I understood them.

The things my father did are horrifying. I still don't know the extent of the damage he left on the world before he left it and I'm not entirely certain I want to. But he was a har unto himself. He made his own choices. Cobweb is not a monster because his love was corrupted by monsters. I think you might need to begin by separating the two also.

[handofsilver]

(An act done for good can be polluted, but that does not mean the original thought and feelings were wrong. Yes, Celebrimbor understands that wisdom, yet he is far too skilled at blaming himself for...just about everything, really.)

Your hostling is your mother. I think he would agree with me that his greatest love was not your father, but you.

I should not blame myself, but I know how proud and vain I was then. I thought no Darkness could touch what I made or who I protected. Yet, ironically, I was surrounded by it.

My one redeeming act was keeping three of the most powerful rings away from the monster's gaze. He still does not know where to find them.

[swiftlet]

That's the closest word for it, yes. And I do agree with you. Cobweb is still proud and vain and in some ways he should be.

You've done good things. You've done what you thought was best at the time. Hindsight does terrible things--believe me, I know. But the acts of a monster don't make yours monstrous.

[handofsilver]

He should be where you are concerned. I do not sense cruelty in you.

It is difficult to learn from our mistakes. I fight the wisdom because it hurts so.

[swiftlet]

I try every day not to be my father.

Cobweb would say that's the wisdom we need the most and remember the best.

[handofsilver]

The effort is worthwhile. Cruelty is a reprehensible trait.

I will not win this fight. Cobweb is right and I should follow his example.

[swiftlet]

He is rather wise, sometimes.

The thing I've learned about monsters is that they are very good at twisting the things you love just enough for you to still see your work in them. So you can blame yourself for the damage they do instead of the beast that created it.

I'm sure you weren't expecting to hear all of this from a stranger, but I hope it's at least helpful if not comforting. I like to think I've learned a thing or two by now.

[handofsilver]

I pray that I have limited the damage he wishes to do. My uncle says I am successful and that is a relief.

We need not stay strangers. I am Celebrimbor and these are lessons I should have learned many years ago. I must be a sluggish learner.

[swiftlet]

You've done what you can. You've a reason there to be content. Everyone and everyhar deserves to find their happiness, even if it takes some time.

At least you're learning them now. Better late, than never.

I'm Swift. And I apologize if I overstepped.

[handofsilver]

You have not overstepped. I asked a sensitive question and revealed my story. I invited you to be honest. You have given me much food for thought, Swift, and I thank you for voicing so wise an opinion.

[swiftlet]

You're welcome. I hope it helped.

For what it's worth, Cobweb's story ends happily. And I'm sure yours will too.

[handofsilver]

It did. As for a happy ending, that might be asking for too much in my case, but -

I will keep my mind open.

[swiftlet]

I think you give yourself too little credit. But I do hope you find what you're looking for. No one should be miserable forever.

[handofsilver]

Except for the monster.

[swiftlet]

Monsters aren't people.

[handofsilver]

You are right. They deserve one fate.

[swiftlet]

Don't lower yourself.

[handofsilver]

I would be saving Arda awful pain.

[swiftlet]

At the cost of your own soul? Don't be a monster because he was. Then he's won.

[handofsilver]

One soul to save many? Perhaps thousands? I think that a fair price.