hadriel | [video] You only THINK I guessed wrong!

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[video] You only THINK I guessed wrong!

I fell victim to one of the classic blunders- do I seriously have to read this?

[You may recognize the guy on your screen as local parkour enthusiast and history nerd Nathan Drake. What he is wearing, however, differs so resolutely from his typical "jeans and a Henley" aesthetic that the broadcast appears to be hosted by a man whose sartorial sensibilities make him look like the quintessential Harvard professor: tweed vest, bow tie and all.

He gives a pleading expression to someone out of frame, who appears to have no mercy. Nate takes a fortifying breath and continues his recitation with approximately zero enthusiasm.]

...the most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "never challenge an FBI psychologist to deliver a line with a straight face."

[He looks directly at the camera, then at the figure behind the camera, and mimes a finger slicing across his neck at the figure in question with a mouthed I'm going to kill you.]

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It's not a-

[It isn't a confession, it's a joke gone horribly awry and Nate realizes with no small amount of hideous embarrassment that there are people here he hasn't met yet, and their first exposure to him is this.]

I lost a bet.

Still pretty tame honestly.

There's probably only three people here who know what you're quoting.

[But he does think the Professor Jones look is your normal attire.]

Tame? I look like a librarian from the 1930s.

[Not that there's anything wrong with librarians, it just seems like their attire is pretty constricting and wouldn't hold up well under duress.]

I'm surprised you recognize it, though. My persecutor is a fan of movies, apparently.

You're only the third person I've met who seems to be from Earth, so I'm doubting most of them have seen a movie before in their life.

Maybe the kindly old professor of archaeology look is in season right now.

If it makes you feel better I needed to wash my uniform and all I could find here is Hawaiian shirts and tie-dye. So at least you don't look like a 90's rollerblader.

[Nate has seen few movies due to his transient lifestyle, but his wife is more plugged in to pop culture than he is and has been getting him up to speed on "classics" for the last decade, give or take. When your childhood is largely steeped in destitution you usually just sneak into the theater and follow the film in a foreign language.

But that's neither here nor there. What is important is that he's not the only one suffering.]

...yeah, okay, now I've got to see what you're wearing.

[At least there were theaters. There isn't a movie theater in his whole county. He has to drive an hour away to the dinky 1-screen theater to see whatever they happen to be playing. You know how shitty it is to try and take a date to a movie with a 2-hour commute? Really shitty.]

Misery loves company?

[Nate will be able to almost hear the internal struggle as he debates if he should swap to video or not. He sees the button right there. He could click it! He could do it!

But then someone he's just meeting would see him looking like a Tommy Bahama and a trashy trailer park vomited all over him. He takes a deep breath and taps the button. The first step to being Staci Pratt again and not being Jacob's dog is having normal conversations about normal non-horrible things. So.. He can do this. Kinda.

On the other end of the screen is a man who looks a little under the weather: dark circles under his eyes, a nasty scar across his nose and cheek from an old laceration and he's skinny enough that his collarbones are visible through the shirt. And oh yes, what a shirt it is. It at least fits him, and that's all he can say about it.]

I don't even have the good story of losing a bet. I went to a store and came home with this willingly because all the other options were worse.

[Dude, at least you had dates.]

Something like that.

[Nate made the mistake of taking a sip of water just as the voice over the line switches to a video feed, and he promptly chokes. It isn't just a bad shirt - it's beyond bad, like something Sam wore once back in Cartagena when they were scrounging for shirts in the 90's and Nate had mocked him mercilessly for it until hand-me-down rules dictated it went to him.

For a long moment he tries to vacate the water from his esophagus and finally clears his throat, wheezing with laughter.]

Jesus. You look like an asshole.

[Being a cop in a small town has perks. He sighs as Nate hacks up a lung trying to not choke and die after seeing this. ]

Yeah yeah. I'm aware.

[He doesn't feel like an asshole, he feels like an embarassed school kid who got passed over for team sports.]

I've been wearing my clothes for months, they needed to be washed or everyone would be able to smell me coming.

[Because he smelled like a slaughterhouse, but that's beside the point.]

It was either this or tie dye. Everyone back home would line up to kick my ass if I wore tie dye. I'm pretending I'm a rich asshole on a yacht.

[Is Pratt sure he's aware how fucking stupid he looks? It's amazing. Nate could see his own brother wearing that shirt. He could see his best friend wearing that shirt. Pratt should be out and about in it. Don't hide that in a bushel basket.]

You look like a Miami Beach musclehead.

[Sans the glistening pecs. Nate is still trying to suppress his sniggering, and doing so badly.]

Where the Hell are you from that tie dye gets an ass-kicking?

[That laughter is making sure he never leaves the house in it again, thanks. This is definitely not someone with the confidence to pull off this look. Miami Vice and Hawaii Five-0 are never gonna come calling.]

I'll start pounding the protein shakes.

I'm from Montana. Hope County specifically but no one knows where the hell that is.

Let me know how that goes.

[He's grinning, but it's evident in his tone that he isn't trying to be intentionally malicious. Nate is just happy that on this day, someone else is suffering sartorially.]

...can't say I've been there, though. Never really got out to Montana, but I hear they've got some great rock climbing there.

[ He could do crossfit for the rest of his life and he's always going to look like a depressed scarecrow.]

Rock climbing. Fishing. Hunting. Kayaking. Anything outdoors, we've got it.

This place sucks, I'm used to trees and deer and wolves. Instead we've got giant bugs, abandoned stores, and ghost towns.

[Don't let your dreams be dreams, you should see how gangly Nate used to be!

He whistles in appreciation. Montana sounds fucking awesome and at this point, Nate would kill to see an environment a little more varied than "something that looks like the Hebrides." It might not be so bad if it didn't feel like an extension of where he was back home before he showed up.]

I lived in New Orleans before...this. People watching's definitely declined.

Is New Orleans really the way the commercials make it out to be? Party all the time and buckets of great food? No inhibitions and all that?

This has gotta be depressing after being there.

[What he means but is not asking is: do women flash their tits at you constantly? Because that sounds amazing.]

The commercials make the whole city look like Bourbon Street.

[Nate offers half a grimace, because the assessment isn't altogether great and neither is the reputation, but there are more than enough good things to outweigh the frighteningly drunken.]

Food's amazing if you like things spicy, it's warm year-round but some people think it's pretty unbearable in the summer. [Nathan Drake, a man who thrives in jungle-like climes, is not bothered.] It's got everything, though. Architecture, history...Kind of cool to walk downtown and hear live music from every corner.

[His priorities are clearly less tit-inclined.]

[Yes the... architecture. That's definitely what he meant. He gives Nathan an "Are you fucking serious?" look, but he's not gonna comment because he met this guy three minutes ago.]

I'm not sure if I like spicy food. There isn't a lot of it around. Montana isn't really known for it's cuisine.

[Ask him about the Testy Festy, you know you wanna.]

Sounds entertaining at least.

[IN SOME WAYS MORE THAN OTHERS NATE. NON-ARCHITECTURAL WAYS.]

[It is Pratt's slightly-awkward tone that has Nate wondering whether he had misstepped somewhere, or said something wrong, but he realizes (too little, too late) that the guy had probably been hoping for a better description of New Orleans' bawdier scene.]

...you just wanted to know about Mardi Gras, didn't you?

Sorta.

Foods good too though, I guess.

[Except the idea of eating food for fun makes him want to hurl. It's amazing how all your tastes can change when you've been fed your dead friends. ]

Admittedly I don't know anything else about the place.

[He found it rated highly on a list of "Best places to go to see topless women" right under Cabo.]

It's...very European? French and Creole languages are still spoken there.

[Which he can understand well enough and sometimes communicate in, just not with an especially talented accent. The patois languages that combine Spanish come easier to him.]

We moved there when I was trying to find a new job after I left the old one.

[Or...slowly made the transition from the old one, anyway.]

[Okay he has no idea what 'european' means. He's starting to get the sense he's not going to get any info about potential spank bank material out of Nate. Moving on.]

And into your new job as a librarian from the 1920's?

[They are not nearly close enough yet for Nate to tell Pratt about hot babes and/or his sex life. He does laugh - a little deprecating, but fair - at the accusation.]

Ha ha, cute. I do marine salvage.

[It used to be less-than-legal, but he's got a wife and a house now.]

For sunken ships and stuff? That.. actually sounds really awesome.

[Good thing you didn't mention the less than legal cuz...]

It doesn't look like it when I'm wearing this horrible thing, but I'm a Deputy. Deputy Pratt of Hope County, Montana.

Not that it means much here.

[He shrugs, maybe he can use his shiny badge to start a fire or something.]

Ships, cargo, you name it.

[A year ago Nate might have had more reservations about sharing his former profession with others - particularly those in the law enforcement sector - but even if they did take umbrage, what would they do to him? What could they do to him? Pratt looks about as intimidating as a baguette.]

But yeah, probably doesn't.

[Which isn't to say that Nate hasn't vastly underestimated people in the past, but Pratt doesn't come across as someone with a whole lot of power under the surface. Everybody's got secrets, but the guy seems pretty forthright.]

If you wanted a similar job, guess you could always join the Guard.

[ He is at least a croissant.]

Nah, there's plenty of people better suited for it than me. People here who can fly, people far stronger than I'll ever be.

I don't plan on being here that long anyway. Though I suppose everyone says that, as if I have any say in the matter.

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[video] You only THINK I guessed wrong!

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