[video] You only THINK I guessed wrong!

[nonscriptum]

I fell victim to one of the classic blunders- do I seriously have to read this?

[You may recognize the guy on your screen as local parkour enthusiast and history nerd Nathan Drake. What he is wearing, however, differs so resolutely from his typical "jeans and a Henley" aesthetic that the broadcast appears to be hosted by a man whose sartorial sensibilities make him look like the quintessential Harvard professor: tweed vest, bow tie and all.

He gives a pleading expression to someone out of frame, who appears to have no mercy. Nate takes a fortifying breath and continues his recitation with approximately zero enthusiasm.]

...the most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "never challenge an FBI psychologist to deliver a line with a straight face."

[He looks directly at the camera, then at the figure behind the camera, and mimes a finger slicing across his neck at the figure in question with a mouthed I'm going to kill you.]

Comments

[action]

[lifetothefullest]

[Lance is, clearly, extremely intimidated by this gesture, grinning to himself as he turns off the feed.]

I hope a valuable lesson has been learned here.

[action]

[nonscriptum]

[Perhaps somewhat petulantly, Nate crumples his script up and lobs it at Lance. When it falls short of its goal he shifts uncomfortably in place, fidgeting with the tie.]

You're a monster.

video; un: Clyde

[darknstormy]

[ He stared at the screen half a minute before finally replying. If this wasn't a lost bet, Seth didn't know what it was. ]

You know, I don't even think Indy wore a bow tie when he played professor. Wait. I got it! You're playin' Dad! You're missin' the glasses though. I'll see if I can find you a pair. Even let you call me junior.

[ Sorry, not sorry, Nate. ]

video;

[nonscriptum]

I have it on good authority- [The aforementioned FBI psychologist.] -that he did, but thanks, I love wearing clothes that completely restrict free movement.

video

[am_i_a_monster]

You look formal and uncomfortable, Vizzini. So, what line did you challenge him to deliver?

[nonscriptum]

I am both of those things, thank you for noticing.

[The last time Nate wore a formal suit and enjoyed it was for his wedding, but that's because after the photos were taken he got to ditch the tie and the jacket and the shoes and roll up his pants and carry Elena through the surf so her dress wouldn't get completely fucked.

The question has him falter, a little, still sore from the loss.]

...didn't really get that far. If I'm being honest, I kind of expected to lose.

Video

[itsnotaonesie]

Wow.

If you were like fifty years older, you might be able to pull that look off.

Video

[nonscriptum]

[At that point he'd be eighty-nine, and you know what? He's fine with that assessment.]

I look like the kind of person Al Capone would extort.

[video]

[sneaklizard]

Sweet threads, man. [ Looking like a little buddy of hers.]

Who set you up?

[video]

[nonscriptum]

[He's seen a lot of things in Hadriel, but he's had yet to see a lizard...dragon...type person, and for that reason Nate double-takes at the camera for a moment before collecting himself and answering:]

Yeah, this was all the rage in 1932. You can thank Dr. Sweets.

video;

[storyseeker]

[JUST. ENDLESS GIGGLING. SHE'S NOT EVEN TRYING TO HIDE IT.]

video;

[nonscriptum]

[Nate is doing his level best to keep his tone even, but the chagrined smile on his face says otherwise.]

Okay. All right. Get it out of your system.

voice

[theweakhavepurpose]

As far as forced confessions go, that's pretty tame.

[His was far worse.]

voice

[nonscriptum]

It's not a-

[It isn't a confession, it's a joke gone horribly awry and Nate realizes with no small amount of hideous embarrassment that there are people here he hasn't met yet, and their first exposure to him is this.]

I lost a bet.

video

[smoketendrils]

[There's a lot to unpack here. He doesn't know what an FBI psychologist is (nor does he get any of the references which is depressing), but context clues and the fucking state of this man's dress tells him so much.]

That was a very bad bet. People with a dry sense of humor can say just about anything with a straight face.

[and given the state of his clothes and the lack of mercy of the person behind the camera... Yeah, that's some dry humor right there. Percy salutes you, Sweets.]

video

[nonscriptum]

Clearly.

[Nate says just as dryly, the portrait of a man who is suffering deeply from this change in attire and the fact that he has to wear it all day.

He fidgets with the bow tie before catching a look from someone off-camera and his hands fall to his lap again.]

For the record, this is the most uncomfortable thing I've ever worn.

[Audio]

[drabsolutelynot]

If it would make you feel better, I have a photo of him with glitter in his hair.

[And ribbons]

PRIVATE [Audio]

[nonscriptum]

...it helps, but only if you can send it to me to use as blackmail material in the future.

video!

[hellosirs]

[ DID SOMEBODY SAY 'TWEED'?

... Ok, Angus is wearing an argyle sweatervest and a bowtie, but that's like two steps away from tweed. He's also wearing his outfit voluntarily, this is just how he dresses! ]

Underestimating psychologists is a very bad idea, sir! Not only do they have great poker faces - don't play poker with any, by the way - but they're very good at reading body language and facial tells!

video!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nonscriptum]

[It's like staring into a tiny mirror. Nate immediately cringes, but hopefully in such a way that the kid in question doesn't feel insulted. He just hates. Everything. About this.]

You can play poker with them if you're already good at poker, [Nate points out, being someone who has hustled many a member of the cartel in his days in Colombia.] But the rest of the stuff is- yeah. Yeah.

video;

[hasitsthorns]

Nice nerd chic you got going on there, dude.

Sorry you lost a bet though. That's always a bummer.

video;

[nonscriptum]

Eh, coulda been worse.

[It also could have been a lot better, but if this inconveniences him for no more than a day, Nate thinks he'll be fine. He's lost what little dignity he might have otherwise had, but then, his ego was never very large in the first place.

He's a good sport about it.]

At least I only have to wear this for twelve more hours.

[video] (super late)

[northerndragon]

I didn't understand a word of that.

[Asia? FBI psychologist? This would only make sense to him if the words were "Yi Ti" and "astute maester who's a member of the Watch." Even then, it wouldn't make much sense.

-- But he did understand the approach, the apparent discomfort, and the throat-cutting gesture.]

... Did you lose a wager?

[video] (shhhHHHH NO REGERTS)

[nonscriptum]

Sorry.

[He isn't entirely sorry, he knows there are people here who won't pick up on the reference - and frankly, Nate is normally in the same boat - but he also doesn't want to explain The Princess Bride to someone who looks like they could be a character from The Princess Bride.]

And yeah, I did. Hard to resist a bet, harder to lose 'em.

[video]

[pocketspa]

[Nate can probably hear Taako's laughter across the city, but it comes in plenty clear when the network connection clicks on.]

Holy shit. You look like you wanna fantasy Hulk all that off right this second. Like you're the world's worst professor!

[He lapses into another fit, wheezing out--]

The fucking bow tie!

[Before descending back into it.]

[video]

[nonscriptum]

Oh, my God.

[There are only a handful of people Nate actually minds seeing him like this, because it is pretty fucking humiliating. He drags a hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose on the way down, and nods in something akin to grudging acceptance.

The sad part is that Taako isn't wrong. Nate is afraid that if he flexes, the shirt will snap.]

Okay. All right. I get it.