duel 11. video (cw: death or dying)

[puzzlingly]

「It's been a while since he's made a video post in which he looks actually serious, he doesn't look sad for a change, just thoughtful.

When he finally speaks he does it uncharacteristically (for him) quietly, even though, firm.」

How do you deal with loss?

When people leave this place or, when you know you will never see someone you care for again?
When they pass away.
Do you try to forget about them... or... 「No, that thought actually hurts.」

What is that helps you to move on?

「If they do at all.

This has been in his mind ever since Maedhros and Celebrimbor were gone, and even way before. He didn't knew them personally, but he could see how much pain their departure had caused — only one person had made him feel that way, but it wasn't Yugi who left, it was him. Atem left them all and he cannot help but wonder, was he the cause of grief among his loved ones, the ones that survived him when he decided to give up his life, and then when he had to move on from the world of the living a second time?

He doesn't wish to think so highly of himself, but it's hard, specially when all his life the world did use to revolve around him. But he worries about those he left behind, they would be fine, wouldn't they? Heh, if only they knew he hasn't moved on at all, that he still talks to his partner in his head all the time... What a little hypocrite.」


「private text: Kaiba Seto」

Mokuba is gone.

「But Atem is sure he already knows. He doesn't expect a reply.」

Comments

[puzzlingly]

「It would certainly make everything easier! But the truth is, they'll never be just teenagers anymore.」

Hmm, that's what my Vizier did for me as well, my priests tried too, but I never wanted to burden them, even thought there was a particular one that... never quite let go, even if he became a pain in the ass, he helped me more than I gave him credit for back then.

「And he, he's here, well, not him, but his reincarnation. Maybe, after all this time, he should thank him for it, whether if he remembers or not.」

Beats embarrassing yourself in front of thousands of people-- that would have been disastrous.

[kingforboth]

Did you not have a special one you could go to? Like your Vizier? I would think that would be part of his job.

[Kelson smiled, familiar with court advisers and officials who became a rather big pain, even if they were helpful.]

And yes, it certainly does help. Not appearing in control or competent in front of your court and citizenry is disastrous.

[puzzlingly]

His job was to rule over the most mundane aspects of my country. Not to coddle me. But... Yeah, I did have a very special friend, my most faithful would always be there when I needed him, but also would always follow my wishes and would do as I told him. If I wanted to be alone, he'd leave alone, but I always knew he was close. Heh, he thought I didn't notice but I did.

「He smiles at the memory, not even after his death did Mahad leave him by himself, he always protected him and keeps doing so in a way.」

It feels strange to talk about this. It's been a long time since I've been that person...

「There was no point here, surely Kelson knew it.」

[kingforboth]

[Kelson raised an eyebrow, thinking that there were some aspects of their kingships and governments that were not the same. He wouldn't say Father Duncan coddled him, but he was always there to listen.]

I'm glad you had someone at least to go to. I had Father Duncan, that was part of his job, king's confessor. He was there to help and guide me, and listen when I needed him.

[Kelson knew there was no need to be that person here, but habits were also hard to break.]

Has it? I've been here for months and I still have trouble, fall back on old habits. I don't think I ever will not be that person. In some respect.

[puzzlingly]

Confessor... huh? 「He did not really have such thing, he was not supposed to have anything to confess to start with. It is different.」 Sounds useful.

Yeah... I guess you're right.

[kingforboth]

[Different lands, different cultures. At the moment, Kelson had no idea just how different.]

I don't know where I'd be without him. I miss him terribly here.

Have you found a balance?

[puzzlingly]

A balance?

「Nani?」

[kingforboth]

Between the two. Yourself as king and who you can be when you take off the crown. Here.

[puzzlingly]

「He bites his lower lip, just barely as he gives him a bit of a smirk.」

Have you?

[kingforboth]

[Kelson gave a smirk back, perhaps a slightly bigger one than Atem's.]

It's a work in progress.

[puzzlingly]

「They are such embarrassments...」

Heh... I guess you could say that.

「Nope, definitely not nearly there.」

[kingforboth]

[Considering Kelson was still carrying around his crown, very much a work in progress]

I'm not sure it's possible. But, at the least, it is livable.

[puzzlingly]

「Hey, if Atem had his, there is no frigging way he'd take if off!」

One day at a time kind of thing, right?

[kingforboth]

[Kelson settles for wearing his as a gigantic bracelet that doesn't fit. Although, that's not really that different from normal given how often he has to be reminded to put it on in public.]

Just like any other day. One day at a time.

[puzzlingly]

「It's all or nothing with this one, in most aspects of his life anyway. Not always the best of qualities, really.

He gives Kelson a long but affable glance.」

Thank you, Kelson.