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puzzlingly) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
hadriel2018-08-16 08:42 am
puzzlingly) wrote in hadriel2018-08-16 08:42 am
Entry tags:
duel 11. video (cw: death or dying)
「It's been a while since he's made a video post in which he looks actually serious, he doesn't look sad for a change, just thoughtful.
When he finally speaks he does it uncharacteristically (for him) quietly, even though, firm.」
How do you deal with loss?
When people leave this place or, when you know you will never see someone you care for again?
When they pass away.
Do you try to forget about them... or... 「No, that thought actually hurts.」
What is that helps you to move on?
「If they do at all.
This has been in his mind ever since Maedhros and Celebrimbor were gone, and even way before. He didn't knew them personally, but he could see how much pain their departure had caused — only one person had made him feel that way, but it wasn't Yugi who left, it was him. Atem left them all and he cannot help but wonder, was he the cause of grief among his loved ones, the ones that survived him when he decided to give up his life, and then when he had to move on from the world of the living a second time?
He doesn't wish to think so highly of himself, but it's hard, specially when all his life the world did use to revolve around him. But he worries about those he left behind, they would be fine, wouldn't they? Heh, if only they knew he hasn't moved on at all, that he still talks to his partner in his head all the time... What a little hypocrite.」
「private text: Kaiba Seto」
Mokuba is gone.
「But Atem is sure he already knows. He doesn't expect a reply.」
When he finally speaks he does it uncharacteristically (for him) quietly, even though, firm.」
How do you deal with loss?
When people leave this place or, when you know you will never see someone you care for again?
When they pass away.
Do you try to forget about them... or... 「No, that thought actually hurts.」
What is that helps you to move on?
「If they do at all.
This has been in his mind ever since Maedhros and Celebrimbor were gone, and even way before. He didn't knew them personally, but he could see how much pain their departure had caused — only one person had made him feel that way, but it wasn't Yugi who left, it was him. Atem left them all and he cannot help but wonder, was he the cause of grief among his loved ones, the ones that survived him when he decided to give up his life, and then when he had to move on from the world of the living a second time?
He doesn't wish to think so highly of himself, but it's hard, specially when all his life the world did use to revolve around him. But he worries about those he left behind, they would be fine, wouldn't they? Heh, if only they knew he hasn't moved on at all, that he still talks to his partner in his head all the time... What a little hypocrite.」
「private text: Kaiba Seto」
Mokuba is gone.
「But Atem is sure he already knows. He doesn't expect a reply.」
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I'm sorry you lost people.
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「Mind you, he doesn't look like he's really grieving, it's easy to hide that when you've been doing it for a long, long time. He manages a bit of a smirk there.」
So you keep them in your memories. Does it help?
「He's lost people, but, it is not about that, not that he might talk about it.」
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video - private video
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I'm told that ceremonies often bring people peace. A sense of closure. I suppose here if they return, there are no bodies, but perhaps something to remember them by? A token to house in a place of respect.
Keeping busy is quite helpful. After my father died, there was enough going on with the funeral and coronation and different affairs that needed to be dealt with. Being busy helps. But sometimes, you need to be alone with your thoughts.
Does that help? I'm not usually the one giving advice like this. That's Father Duncan's territory.
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It still helps, he'll take it.」
There is a little place here, a memorial garden of sorts where people go put the names of those who have been here so they are not forgotten. And, yes, it does help, Kelson. 「It's nice to see him, it's been a while.」 I appreciate your words.
「He remembers how was it when his own father passed, but he was too young, nowadays he remembers very little. It still makes him a little sad. It's ironic that he went through exactly the same as Kelson.
He knows what he's asking can be a little too much, maybe sharing as well might help his friends not feel such a heavy burden from answering.」
I went through the same as you... I was eleven... and you?
「Atem never quite told him who he is, after all.」
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[Poison clearly has some strong feelings about this particular topic, her voice sharp-edged and her violet eyes keen on the young man as she replies to him.
She's lost many people in the time she's been away from home. Dozens. It hurts every time, but she knows it's important to never forget.]
Remember them, talk about them, even if it hurts.
video;
Even if it hurts, huh?
「He knows its a heavy topic, but, the least he wants is for them to hurt on his account.」
video;
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private video.
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Even if you want to forget, sometimes you can't. I want to remember. It's important to me. [But, the kid asked about moving on.]
Moving on takes time. And it's hard. You have to focus on who you still have.
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Have you ever?
「Moved on, that's it.」
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As for moving on. . . I'll get back to you on that when I figure it out.
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「He did't wish to bring those sentiments of grief to the surface, but, it was unavoidable.」
I'm starting to wonder if anyone ever does.
「That alone brings him some mixed feelings, to know that they won't forget him so easily... it bring him some glee, but to know they will always hurt at his memory, does not. It's terrible. It makes him think, that maybe having met them was a bit of a mistake. But It hurts terribly to even imagine his life without them, as brief as it had been.」
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haha i feel dumb now, they work at the same place durrrr
it's cool! Laura works at the Bakery in the morning, so that could be why he doesn't know her.
that works yes! 👌
yay!
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Moving on. [a short laugh] The truth is, I haven't. I'm still in love with him and I still plan to join him when my time here comes to an end. So I suppose I'm not the one to ask for advice about moving on.
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You're far too kind, Margaery.
「He doesn't' believe he has done anything worth of that much praise, but it still makes him warm inside.」
Don't. Don't let go.
「Don't do what he did.」
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[private]
What brought this on?
private onwards
「He looks at her for a second, unable to put his poker face on.」
I... guess I was curious. Morbidly so.
private onwards
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cw: suicidal ideation
cw: suicidal ideation
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I'm trying to remember the good times, when I was happy. It helps a little, but then I remember that I'm all alone here and then I feel bad again.
I don't know how I'll move on.
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Heh... it's a vicious cycle.
「Ah, the irony, they are stuck in the same hell.」
Maybe we don't have to.
「Sounds selfish, though. Well, he's always been a little selfish... Not enough, though; it wasn't as if he wanted to die (questionable, at the time) but it had to be done.」
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video;
Moving on takes time. It's never easy and everyone grieves differently.
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「But Rose is in the same boat as him as far as he knows, it makes him wonder. Maybe he's the only one who is afraid of being forgotten.」
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text
send a final letter tell them everything you every needed to say
let the ghosts know their stories would still be told
and it was supposed to help you feel better knowing theyd hear you
perma video.
Your... sands?
「A desert, most likely. Probably not his, though.」
Did it ever make you feel better?
perma text
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But one moves forwards, as best one can. That is all that one can do, at times.
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I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... remind you more of this.
「He admits, but it was also that particular moment which brought this up.」
... That sounds like someone I know would say.
「Go forward, not back, never back. But what does it entail? Leaving the memories behind as well?」
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Text
And sometimes find whatever took them away from you and attempt to pound it into the dust. Alas, not usually an applicable solution here.
perma video.
「Several years ago, he would get behind the idea, but now, he probably knows better.」
Even against death?
Text- Who knows what might pop out if he does anything else
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[For someone who has lived thousands of years, Ravine is familiar with loss all too well. Both when it comes to the people who died and the ones that get left behind. She has felt the sharp stab of such pain on a few rare occasions, herself. It's never easy, and even more difficult in telling someone who has not been around for as long as she how to handle it any different.]
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But what she says has a flash of hurt crossing his eyes. To face nonexistence rather than hurting? That's, a little extreme... It's not like hasn't toyed with the idea anyway.」
And you?
「Often he has to wonder about the nature of life and death, of human (and alike) existence; what was the point of it all if there was so much hurt involved? Gods forbid him uttering those words, they go against everything he has been taught and everything he is.」
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[ There's a very slight frown on her face, like she's trying to think of something more concrete, but eventually she just shakes her head. ]
It's been a while, since I've lost. Guess it fades with time.
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That's good, you do not hurt that way.
「Not good for him but, hey! It... it was never all about him. If his friends eventually forget about him, well, that happens, as long as they are okay.」
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Not that he thinks asking how to grieve is foolish.
But feeling the need to interfere in another person's life and impose his opinion upon them? That right there is extra stupid.
Oh well.
Atem's questions are answered by an aloof gentleman who chooses to keep his expression unreadable.]
Nothing will ever prepare you for the inevitability that you will not be able to enjoy the company of someone you care about. However, you have the choice to never talk about them again and pretend it doesn't affect you...
[Like him.]
...Or you can celebrate their memory in any way you see fit.
I'm afraid I wouldn't know much about that. However, you did ask, so there you are.
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[He's not being entirely flippant, though he is using the sarcasm to hide his true emotions. Leo still feels the ache over losing his sister, knowing it was entirely his fault, even if he didn't actually cause her death. Ironic that the only one he's ever felt guilt over was the one he's never caused himself.]
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From what I've gathered, it's probably something no one truly gets over.
「And it's both good and bad news for him. He opened a can of worms bringing this up, he knows it.」
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text
the first thing id wanna say is 'get shitfaced, build a bridge and get over it' but thats
that aint really how it works. and you shouldnt do what i do anyway, i make bad choices
[At least he recognizes that he's a mighty river of poor decisions flowing towards an ocean of deep regret?]
i dont really know what your whole deal was with whoever the fuck, anyway. so take whatever shit im sayin with, i dunno, a grain of salt or whatever
but i dont think you can really make yourself forget about somebody important to you and you probably shouldnt fuckin try. thats kinda fucked up right? like i get not wantin to deal with shit that hurts but you gotta do it eventually. griefs messy and hard and what got me fuckin stuck in it was waiting around for closure i think.
so i guess if you want my advice, its this. closure's not real. closure's the shit that you tell yourself because you want a real shitty story to have a better endin, but nothin ever ends neat. so dont wait around for it because you probably aint gonna find it in a funeral or revenge or whatever. theyll still be gone and itll still suck but itll suck less eventually. time dont heal all wounds but neither does any one thing. its like a process or whatever.
this is a fuckin load of shit to read through so like. yeah. and for what its worth, sorry for whoever you lost
perma video.
Which is why Atem takes his time to read this bible, and in fact, he appreciates it more than he lets it show, specially coming from this guy; their last convo left more or less a lot to be desired and, don't think he doesn't know what he did to one of his best friends, (and no, he ... doesn't quite condone it). That's dedication.
Gren doesn't know it and will probably not, but this helps more than he could believe, it also hurts and it also just proves to him that he (himself) is a piece of human garbage: how dare he get some glee on the idea that his friends will never quite get over the fact that he's gone?」
I've read longer.
「He tries to be sassy, but truth is, it doesn't reach his eyes.」
... Thanks...
「That's more him and less big-shot pharaoh.」
Sorry 'bout yours too.
permatext bc gren can't even once be properly social
it's fine gren let him be your friend he has a lot of experience with weirdos like you
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not here
Private Text: Stage 1 Denial
[Kaiba has been on Law's boat for 3 days and doesn't know what's been happening on the islands. Clearly Atem has just misplaced his brother. He sends out a text to Mokuba right after sending this.]
Private Video: Stage 1 Denial
He changes to video instead.」
He's gone from the contact list, Kaiba. That means he's gone from Hadriel.
Private Video
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Private Video: Hey look Anger
Private Video: internally sobbing
Private Video: Sorry ;_;
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