duel 11. video (cw: death or dying)

[puzzlingly]

「It's been a while since he's made a video post in which he looks actually serious, he doesn't look sad for a change, just thoughtful.

When he finally speaks he does it uncharacteristically (for him) quietly, even though, firm.」

How do you deal with loss?

When people leave this place or, when you know you will never see someone you care for again?
When they pass away.
Do you try to forget about them... or... 「No, that thought actually hurts.」

What is that helps you to move on?

「If they do at all.

This has been in his mind ever since Maedhros and Celebrimbor were gone, and even way before. He didn't knew them personally, but he could see how much pain their departure had caused — only one person had made him feel that way, but it wasn't Yugi who left, it was him. Atem left them all and he cannot help but wonder, was he the cause of grief among his loved ones, the ones that survived him when he decided to give up his life, and then when he had to move on from the world of the living a second time?

He doesn't wish to think so highly of himself, but it's hard, specially when all his life the world did use to revolve around him. But he worries about those he left behind, they would be fine, wouldn't they? Heh, if only they knew he hasn't moved on at all, that he still talks to his partner in his head all the time... What a little hypocrite.」


「private text: Kaiba Seto」

Mokuba is gone.

「But Atem is sure he already knows. He doesn't expect a reply.」

Comments

text

[murderpotato]

[Cool, another Serious Discussion from the Weird Kid With The Hair. Why's he always end up talking about death or some shit with this guy?]

the first thing id wanna say is 'get shitfaced, build a bridge and get over it' but thats

that aint really how it works. and you shouldnt do what i do anyway, i make bad choices

[At least he recognizes that he's a mighty river of poor decisions flowing towards an ocean of deep regret?]

i dont really know what your whole deal was with whoever the fuck, anyway. so take whatever shit im sayin with, i dunno, a grain of salt or whatever

but i dont think you can really make yourself forget about somebody important to you and you probably shouldnt fuckin try. thats kinda fucked up right? like i get not wantin to deal with shit that hurts but you gotta do it eventually. griefs messy and hard and what got me fuckin stuck in it was waiting around for closure i think.

so i guess if you want my advice, its this. closure's not real. closure's the shit that you tell yourself because you want a real shitty story to have a better endin, but nothin ever ends neat. so dont wait around for it because you probably aint gonna find it in a funeral or revenge or whatever. theyll still be gone and itll still suck but itll suck less eventually. time dont heal all wounds but neither does any one thing. its like a process or whatever.

this is a fuckin load of shit to read through so like. yeah. and for what its worth, sorry for whoever you lost

perma video.

[puzzlingly]

「He'd apologize, but death and him have been scandalous intimate for a while. It's a thing.

Which is why Atem takes his time to read this bible, and in fact, he appreciates it more than he lets it show, specially coming from this guy; their last convo left more or less a lot to be desired and, don't think he doesn't know what he did to one of his best friends, (and no, he ... doesn't quite condone it). That's dedication.

Gren doesn't know it and will probably not, but this helps more than he could believe, it also hurts and it also just proves to him that he (himself) is a piece of human garbage: how dare he get some glee on the idea that his friends will never quite get over the fact that he's gone?」

I've read longer.

「He tries to be sassy, but truth is, it doesn't reach his eyes.」

... Thanks...

「That's more him and less big-shot pharaoh.」

Sorry 'bout yours too.

permatext bc gren can't even once be properly social

[murderpotato]

thanks i guess. lifes a bitch right?

but yeah take it from my old as fuck ass that it gets better. faster if you got people who give a shit about you around to help. thats a thing, i dunno i aint a fuckin shrink.

it's fine gren let him be your friend he has a lot of experience with weirdos like you

[puzzlingly]

I will not deny that.

I don't believe much in... therapy and, that, 「No offense, Lance.」 but I do believe in people. Becoming completely cynical about it doesn't help either. But, you're right, I'm glad you give a shit too.

「Yeah, he went there. It's helpful, in its own, strange way.」

[murderpotato]

hey dont fuckin at me like that i got a fuckin reputation to uphold here

word gets around that im not just a crusty fuckin asshole and ill be up to my fuckin neck in sad motherfuckers

[He doesn't want too many people to know that there's a soft nougat center underneath his rough, crusty exterior. It'll ruin his reputation as a complete asshat.]

[puzzlingly]

「Lol. Yeah, okay, that only makes this one laugh.

Sorry dude, you're screwed.」

Are you even trying?

[murderpotato]

am i fuckin tryin

just ask anybody, theyll tell you im a fuckin grade a asshole

i spent a long time cultivatin this reputation. its my fuckin lifes work to be known as that weird drunk motherfucker every place that i go

[puzzlingly]

I bet I've met worse than you.

「Is that a challenge?
Maybe? Who cares?」

[murderpotato]

dont make me chug a forty and fight this whole fuckin island

but not shittin you, ive done some fucked up shit. i aint a good person.

[puzzlingly]

What does that even mean? Sounds like something an old guy would say.

「He's clueless about some stuff, man! It doesn't really matter, but is that a confession or something? He gives him a bit of a shrug.」

I don't really care about that. I am not either. No one in this hellhole would ever claim that they are a good person, I can assure you that.

[murderpotato]

[If 'I would drink an excessive amount of alcohol and fight everyone I can find' is a confession, it's... not really that much of a secret. Gren is the surliest old monster man, it is him.]

fuck you i am an old guy. older than you probably.

[Granted, he's been surprised by how old some people are around here, but he's still relatively confident in his excessive age. Once to hit a thousand, you've got most living things beat.]

yeah fair. everybodys some amount of fuckin asshole but some are more than others

[puzzlingly]

Yep, you sound like it, grandpa.

「What if he told him he's been around for a few millennia? Only not really, being trapped in a shitty magical artifact and having his life (or death) paused, don't make them count towards any kind of experience.」

If you're aiming to become the King of Assholes, you're doing it wrong, that's all I'm saying. Of course, if you ever touch Barry again I'll rip you a new one and handle that title to you, free of charge.

「He also went there, fight him.」

[murderpotato]

if he dont ever raise a fuckin hand against lup again i wont have to

but you sure thats the denim hill you wanna die on? defendin a guy that hurts his wife aint what id call the fuckin moral high ground

and hey ill take all motherfuckers so youre welcome to take a swing but fuckin trust me you want exactly zero of what i am

[puzzlingly]

Hey... It wasn't all on him.

「It was bad he knows. But he also might not understand the connotations of it all, he's stupid and naive and believes that love and friendship can overcome it all.」

[murderpotato]

yeah i know. the gods were fuckin with everybody because theyre fuckin assholes like that

thats why i aint gonna start shit unless he does shit

and i get givin people second chances. id be a fuckin hypocrite if i didnt. but if something happened again you might wanna just fuckin consider how many chances somebody gets.

[puzzlingly]

「That's fair enough. Even he would get behind that. Perhaps he should have not provoked him.」

You... truly aren't as bad as you say you are...

「Keep ruining your reputation, go on.」

Should I keep calling you grandpa, or do you actually have a name?

「He can see his name alright, but it's always better to ask.」

[murderpotato]

i told you dont go spreadin that shit around

[His! Reputation! But he really does ruin it all on his own, once people get to know him. That's the thing, though, a lot of people don't get past his pissiness to begin with.]

dont these things show you my name? whatever. its gren

[puzzlingly]

It's all you, Gren.

「At least after being here almost a year he can expect anything from people. Maybe he won't disappoint him much, or the other way around. It could happen.」

I think I like grandpa better, tho.

[murderpotato]

[This little shit.]

you call me granddad and im gonna start callin you little shit

i think its a real good name for you. all kinds of fuckin descriptive.

[puzzlingly]

「Cue laugh, dammit Gren, stop being such a good catalyst.」

Bring it on, Grendad!

[murderpotato]

no

dont you fuckin pun at me i got enough of that shit when sans was still around

[Don't send him to this hell again.]

[puzzlingly]

「He actually doesn't know who the hell is that.」

Good friend I assume?

[murderpotato]

no i fuckin hated that guy

fuckin jackass liked to piss me off for the fun of it

stupid punnin jokey little fuck

he broke my windows once too

[puzzlingly]

Why?

「Atem's not that bad, at least?

Eh........」

not here

[restinglichface]

[GREN. DONT MAKE LUP CRY, YOU DICKHEAD.]