duel 11. video (cw: death or dying)

[puzzlingly]

「It's been a while since he's made a video post in which he looks actually serious, he doesn't look sad for a change, just thoughtful.

When he finally speaks he does it uncharacteristically (for him) quietly, even though, firm.」

How do you deal with loss?

When people leave this place or, when you know you will never see someone you care for again?
When they pass away.
Do you try to forget about them... or... 「No, that thought actually hurts.」

What is that helps you to move on?

「If they do at all.

This has been in his mind ever since Maedhros and Celebrimbor were gone, and even way before. He didn't knew them personally, but he could see how much pain their departure had caused — only one person had made him feel that way, but it wasn't Yugi who left, it was him. Atem left them all and he cannot help but wonder, was he the cause of grief among his loved ones, the ones that survived him when he decided to give up his life, and then when he had to move on from the world of the living a second time?

He doesn't wish to think so highly of himself, but it's hard, specially when all his life the world did use to revolve around him. But he worries about those he left behind, they would be fine, wouldn't they? Heh, if only they knew he hasn't moved on at all, that he still talks to his partner in his head all the time... What a little hypocrite.」


「private text: Kaiba Seto」

Mokuba is gone.

「But Atem is sure he already knows. He doesn't expect a reply.」

Comments

[toiletseat_girl]

Seriously? [she drags a hand down her face] That sounds like such a bullshit answer. Every society needed books, scrolls, something to keep a record of what was being done. And if they're trying to tell you otherwise, they are so full of shit.

[puzzlingly]

「That's a strong reaction, to which Atem actually doesn't seem to react much.」

I... actually believe him. Their original habitants were simple minded creatures, with simple pleasures, as Rage described them. They never had the need to write things down — though, she did mention something about them painting for them.

「Not that he has seen much of that either. Probably destroyed by the Null.」

[toiletseat_girl]

Seriously? Like, not even a recipe or a diary or attempts at bad poetry? Then why did we have the original library? That had books. None of 'em we could read, but there were still books.

[yeah, she hasn't noticed any murals or anything either. not that she's been looking for them]

[puzzlingly]

Told you, Hope created it to store the books that the Door brought the first time Fear opened it. So it didn't exist before the Null attacked them.

「That explained why the books were always useless, as the rest of things, or most things that the Door spits out every month together with people.」

See, this is why you must write your book.

「Now he's just kidding around, really.」

[toiletseat_girl]

Ugh, that sucks. There is nothing to do here. A real library would go a long way toward fixing that.

[yeah, the Door seems to cough up some useless shit. and the stores are hit or miss as far as what they provide]

Man, I can't write a book. I have no talent. Or focus. Mostly talent.

[and she's trying to joke, but damn the loss of a possibility for a library is bugging her]

[puzzlingly]

「Let's hold that thought.」

You only have no talent if you say so!

[toiletseat_girl]

[she sighs gustily]

No, I have no talent if my teachers say so. I did take Comp 101 before I quit college.

[puzzlingly]

「Why u like dis?」

Your teachers suck.

「Teens. High school sucks, even he knows it.」

What's that?

「He never finished it either! ... for other reasons but hey.」

[toiletseat_girl]

[years and years of digs in at her self-esteem from her parents, her peers, and herself, that's why]

They did kinda suck.

[and grade school and middle school. she can't remember preschool, but she's assuming she was a social pariah there, too]

Comp 101?

[puzzlingly]

「This is why he's here! To cheer on her or something cheesy like that.」

Yeah. That.

[toiletseat_girl]

[she doesn't know how to react to something like that. she's so used to being put down and putting herself down]

It was kind of stupid. Write an essay about your plans for the future. I didn't exactly have any plans.

[puzzlingly]

They do that? ... It does sounds stupid. I doubt anyone ever did, and if they told you that they lied to you.

「Unless you had all your life traced before you were even born, well, that was different, but truthfully, he doesn't even think he knew what he wanted to do with his life!」

[toiletseat_girl]

They do indeed. And I guess everyone was lying 'cause everybody seemed to have their whole futures mapped out. Right down to the house in the suburbs with a white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and a Golden Retriever.

[George had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. she has more direction now, but she can't do much with it until she leaves. and she's not going back to her home world]

[puzzlingly]

Talk about small expectations.

「Sounds fake!」

And now? Do you have any idea?


( ooc: forever sorry about typos )

[toiletseat_girl]

[she shrugs] Small minds, small expectations.

...something of an idea. I think I'd like to go to medical school.

(OOC: don't worry about it! :) )

[puzzlingly]

「He wouldn't say no to a Golden Retriever though... even though he definitely is more a cat person.

That idea of hers makes him smile.」

I think you'd do great there...

[toiletseat_girl]

[so is she. a cat doesn't expect attention 24/7 and it's way easier to just scoop out a cat box]

I'd like to think so. I've been with the Clinic for almost a year.

[puzzlingly]

Let's see... You're a total nerd, 「Said with love, man, nerds are great.」 and you care about people. So, I think you have it all. Has anyone been teaching you that stuff?

「He can only think of Law for the job, he's a great doctor despite his terrible choices of companionship. But he is not there at the moment so, it doesn't quite work either.」 

[toiletseat_girl]

[she spreads her hands out in surrender] I am. [nerds rock, man] And I do? Anyway, thank you. Avisheh was teaching me some stuff, but then she left. And Rosen's acting weird, so I don't feel comfy asking him until he settles down a little.

[and it doesn't help that she wouldn't be able to pick out Law from a police lineup]

[puzzlingly]

Could be worse, I guess.

「He gives a little shrug.」

Like, not having any clue still.

[toiletseat_girl]

It could. I could be loafing around doing nothing. I got real good at that back home.

[she shrugs back]

I'd like to think I have something of a clue. Like three-fourths of a clue.

[puzzlingly]

Funny, that's what I'm getting good at here.

「Nah. Okay maybe a little.」 

Why not the whole clue?

[toiletseat_girl]

Then you [she points at the screen] need a hobby. Maybe I should start pestering you about writing a book?

[she says, clearly teasing]

Ehh, gives me a margin of error. Just in case.

[puzzlingly]

W-what? But you're the bookworm! I should let you know I have plenty of hobbies thank you very much. But fine I get it, I won't pester you about it anymore.

「Even he can get a hint like that! He also is clearly just fooling around.」

[toiletseat_girl]

[teasingly] Oh, yeah? Name 'em.

And it's okay to keep pestering me. But my problem is, I dunno what I'd write about. They say "write what you know," but I've never had a romance. My life in high school would be too fucking depressing to read about. And here is just kind of. Here. I think people would prefer a little escapism.