hadriel | duel 11. video (cw: death or dying)

「It's been a while since he's made a video post in which he looks actually serious, he doesn't look sad for a change, just thoughtful.

When he finally speaks he does it uncharacteristically (for him) quietly, even though, firm.」

How do you deal with loss?

When people leave this place or, when you know you will never see someone you care for again?
When they pass away.
Do you try to forget about them... or... 「No, that thought actually hurts.」

What is that helps you to move on?

「If they do at all.

This has been in his mind ever since Maedhros and Celebrimbor were gone, and even way before. He didn't knew them personally, but he could see how much pain their departure had caused — only one person had made him feel that way, but it wasn't Yugi who left, it was him. Atem left them all and he cannot help but wonder, was he the cause of grief among his loved ones, the ones that survived him when he decided to give up his life, and then when he had to move on from the world of the living a second time?

He doesn't wish to think so highly of himself, but it's hard, specially when all his life the world did use to revolve around him. But he worries about those he left behind, they would be fine, wouldn't they? Heh, if only they knew he hasn't moved on at all, that he still talks to his partner in his head all the time... What a little hypocrite.」

「private text: Kaiba Seto」

Mokuba is gone.

「But Atem is sure he already knows. He doesn't expect a reply.」

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No, it isn't. And a lack of emotion isn't the most healthy way either. [She's never actually seen Hannibal angry. Or her father.] It's complicated. I don't know what healthy is. I know what it isn't. Maybe everyone's sick in some way.

Do they? My father acted out of love. I doubt that mattered to his victims or their families.

「Everyone is sick in some way...? He cannot even deny that, only makes him wonder how damaged he truly is and how he's been ignoring it anyway.」

It mattered to you, in the end, did it not?

I guess it depends on what you mean by the end. It didn't matter when he killed those girls or when he cut my throat. Hannibal tried to make me understand that he was sick and he did it out of love. But I..

[Her eyes fill with tears.]

I still hate that it all happened. I still have nightmares and guilt.

「He keeps doing it, he just keeps hurting her... But that solves it, that solves why she'd cover her neck and Atem cannot find the words to try to apologize for his ignorance or how to make her feel better at all — maybe he will never be able to and that thought alone is terrifying, what good is he if he cannot make her happy or feel safe at all?

Her tears are contagious in a way, his eyes feel a little hazy, nothing that rapid blinking will not hide, but if he keeps bitting his lower lip like this, it'll start bleeding.」

Where are you...?

「He whispers just a little moment of silence later.」

[Abigail wipes at her eyes and tries to look calmer. It's all in the past. No reason to drag him down into her pain. He has his own pain.]

Sorry. I guess this isn't helping you with the whole moving on thing, huh?

[She manages another smile, but there's still sadness in her eyes.]

I'm home. The apartment I share with Will.

It's... fine, don't worry about that.

「He feels so bad that he probably should just tell her what this is about, but that could probably be even worse, show how selfish he can be.」

Can I go see you?

「He doesn't know where that is.」

Yeah. You can meet Winston.

[And she realizes that after a moment.]

Do you know where spire four is? On the West Island?

Ah, yeah, I'd like that. And yeah, I do. I'm on the same island.

「Good! It will not take two years to get there.」

I'll bring you some more tea too.

Good. I'll meet you outside.

Thank you.

duel 11. video (cw: death or dying)

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