duel 11. video (cw: death or dying)

[puzzlingly]

「It's been a while since he's made a video post in which he looks actually serious, he doesn't look sad for a change, just thoughtful.

When he finally speaks he does it uncharacteristically (for him) quietly, even though, firm.」

How do you deal with loss?

When people leave this place or, when you know you will never see someone you care for again?
When they pass away.
Do you try to forget about them... or... 「No, that thought actually hurts.」

What is that helps you to move on?

「If they do at all.

This has been in his mind ever since Maedhros and Celebrimbor were gone, and even way before. He didn't knew them personally, but he could see how much pain their departure had caused — only one person had made him feel that way, but it wasn't Yugi who left, it was him. Atem left them all and he cannot help but wonder, was he the cause of grief among his loved ones, the ones that survived him when he decided to give up his life, and then when he had to move on from the world of the living a second time?

He doesn't wish to think so highly of himself, but it's hard, specially when all his life the world did use to revolve around him. But he worries about those he left behind, they would be fine, wouldn't they? Heh, if only they knew he hasn't moved on at all, that he still talks to his partner in his head all the time... What a little hypocrite.」


「private text: Kaiba Seto」

Mokuba is gone.

「But Atem is sure he already knows. He doesn't expect a reply.」

Comments

[outofthefire]

I lost the first friend I made here not too long ago. It hurts, 'cause I know I'm never gonna see her again. We're from different worlds. I just wish I could've said goodbye.

As for moving on. . . I'll get back to you on that when I figure it out.

[puzzlingly]

I'm sorry...

「He did't wish to bring those sentiments of grief to the surface, but, it was unavoidable.」

I'm starting to wonder if anyone ever does.

「That alone brings him some mixed feelings, to know that they won't forget him so easily... it bring him some glee, but to know they will always hurt at his memory, does not. It's terrible. It makes him think, that maybe having met them was a bit of a mistake. But It hurts terribly to even imagine his life without them, as brief as it had been.」

[outofthefire]

It's not your fault.

[the house feels empty without Aren. she's the reason why Laura's living in the house in the first place. she keeps expecting to be told to move out]

Not getting many positive answers, huh?

[it's never a mistake to make a friend, even if you do lose them in the end]

[puzzlingly]

I guess not.

Hn, believe it or not, I may be getting what I need.

「Sounds bad? It's bad, he knows it. It's a huge mess to talk about this so openly, but just to know the people he left behind might not forget about him so easily, makes it a tiny bit better, not entirely, no, it'll never bring him any joy knowing they miss him as much as he misses them.」

[outofthefire]

Yeah? Mind if I ask what it is?

And I never introduced myself. Laura Palmer. Nice to meet you. [she gives a short, slightly bitter laugh] Though I wish it were under better circumstances.

[puzzlingly]

My name is Atem. Nice to meet you as well.

「He gives her a very short smile.」

And, I'm sorry, but that's mine to keep only.

「Maybe if he knew her a little better, but he just met her. He also knows he's being selfish, even more so because he asked and an answer had been given. Maybe he can reciprocate in some other way.」

[outofthefire]

You work in the game room, right?

[she smiles back]

That's cool. As long as you've got someone to share it with.

[ehh, in her experience, everyone's a little selfish. it's no big deal]

haha i feel dumb now, they work at the same place durrrr

[puzzlingly]

Yep, 「He also did his fair share of work at the bar, but maybe they never quite crossed paths.」 I've seen you around there too.

「He turns out a tad serious in his pause. Does he want to talk about this to those he trust? He doesn't want to burden them, he doesn't want them to change whatever perspective they have of him... He's not a good person and he knows it.」

I... yeah, I think I do.

it's cool! Laura works at the Bakery in the morning, so that could be why he doesn't know her.

[outofthefire]

You, too. Shoulda probably said hi or something. So I guess I'm saying it now.

[neither is she. and she's just barely started to feel like it would be okay to talk about it with anyone. so she'd get it]

Good. Holding stuff inside never works. Not in the long run.

that works yes! 👌

[puzzlingly]

Hi to you too.

「Now he's being a little smartass, but it's all in good mood.」

So I've been told. Do you do that? Talk and all?

yay!

[outofthefire]

[nothing wrong with being a smartass. she can be one herself when she wants to]

...I didn't used to. And to be honest, the only person I've told my whole story to is Dr. Sweets and that was, y'know, a doctor/patient thing.

[puzzlingly]

Ah... yeah, he does that I guess.

「If felt so odd to him to try to keep people categorized in some way, accordingly to their affections. Surely it helped in some way, but for him, it was impossible not to get attached to people and actually care about their problems rather than talk to someone who merely analyzed them. It seemed too cold.」

Did it help at all?

[outofthefire]

Yeah. I'd went to a shrink back home, but I didn't go into all of the details. Here, I told all of the details.

[and most of them were gruesome and horrifying, what happened to her and what she did in response]

I think so? I hope so.

[puzzlingly]

「He has to wonder what all this information does to Lance, however... Atem barely could deal with one mess of a woman back then, when Rey was not okay at all, trying to keep her on float wasn't easy task; of course, it had been different, he had forced his way in, she did not ask the help. It was still a lot to deal with.」

I hope so too. 「He says with a smile, and really means it.」 This place seems to be like... a catalyst of sorts at times. Having too much time in our hands does that, I guess.

[outofthefire]

[it likely wears on him. goodness knows Laura's story was . . . harrowing and dealt with subjects he hadn't had to deal with before]

That would be it. Too much time with nothing to do but think. I work two jobs and I still have too much time left.

[puzzlingly]

Hmm, yeah, I know what you mean. 「He, she, and probably half of Hadriel.」 I guess it works on favor of the gods, but it doesn't help us much; even I can play at the arcade for so long before it gets a little mind numbing.

Haven't you taken any kind of training here? It often helps you sleep better when everything hurts.

「Given the nature of the place, and how dangerous it could be, it also seemed something people would do very often here.」

[outofthefire]

God, I know. Too bad there's not a god of boredom, he'd always be full.

I take archery lessons with Cecily. It. . . seemed like a good idea.

[because Caedra showed up and left Laura stuck living with a demon again]

[puzzlingly]

Heh, yeah, tranquility might get it, though.

「Archery, huh, color him surprised.」

Did you find it hard to learn?

「Can't they take a break from that stuff already?」

[outofthefire]

There's a huge difference between being tranquil and being bored. Tranquility is not doing something and being cool with it. Boredom is not doing something and wishing you could.

[they had archery lessons in high school, it seemed sensible to go with that]

A little? I already knew some stuff, but I need to get faster.

[no relief from demons, unfortunately]

[puzzlingly]

Don't you practice every day?

[outofthefire]

I do. Every day. I know I can't count on anyone to defend me but me, so I'm trying to get as good as possible.

[puzzlingly]

I understand.

「He idly wonders if she had any unfortunate encounter lately.」

Good luck with that.

[outofthefire]

[every encounter with Caedra is unfortunate. even though Laura knows she can't kill her as long as she wears her ring, she knows that she's the only one here with such protection]

Thanks. I'll probably need it if I ever have to--well. Do something.

[puzzlingly]

「It's so unfortunate they don't know more of the other, maybe it'd bring her a little peace of mind to find out what Atem has been working on for the past month. He and Carlisle managed to make something just as powerful for one of his closest friend without even knowing it, among some less powerful items to work against the demon's powers. That, if he could, he would make one of those for every single person in Hadriel, but that's why he'd rather look into other kind of... methods to hold Caedra down.」

It's not a terrible skill to have anyway. It's been a long time since I practiced archery, but it can be even a little fun.

「He knows they cannot afford that sort of entertainment, that's the point of learning is to actually kill rather than hit just some targets, but it could be fun anyway!」

But that's not all you have, right?

[outofthefire]

[it would. she feels strangely. . . responsible for Caedra as though just her presence summoned a demon in place of BOB. she'd rather it was BOB, at least he kept his torment to just Laura instead of taking it out on the entire town. but in the meantime, Laura keeps tabs on Caedra as best as she can and she practices her archery]

Yeah, and I can feel myself getting better. Like I've got actual muscles in my arms now. And it is fun.

[she wouldn't use it against anyone but Caedra. or the Null, if they came back]

Not all I have? What d'you mean?